Crowd shot masthead ApologetiX Logo Keith Haynie plays bassBill Hubauer plays lead guitarJ. Jackson sings leadJimmy Vegas Tanner plays drums

What songs are on "Biblical Graffiti" (1999)?

Here's what's on "Biblical Graffiti":

One Way ("One Week" by the Barenaked Ladies)
Twins Came Out ("Twist and Shout" by the Beatles)
Every Step to Take ("Every Breath You Take" by the Police)
969 ("Summer of '69" by Bryan Adams)
Second Timothy ("Sex and Candy" by Marcy Playground)
You Ain't Been Nothing Yet ("You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by B.T.O.)
Donkey Talked With Him ("Honky Tonk Women" by the Rolling Stones)
Ronomy ("Runaway" by Del Shannon)
Credence Thru Deepwater Survival ("Proud Mary" by CCR)
Lawful Woman in a Bad Place ("Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress" by the
Hollies)
Kick in the Wall ("Another Brick in the Wall Pt. 2" by Pink Floyd)
Fast Paul ("The Way" by Fastball)
Jail Got Rocked ("Jailhouse Rock" by Elvis Presley)
Put You Down in My Will ("Push" by matchbox 20)
Crazy Little King God Loves ("Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Queen)
Dancing Dave ("Dancing Days" by Led Zeppelin)
Smart Blest Man ("Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top)
Revelation Man ("Secret Agent Man" by Johnny Rivers)
Armageddon Valley Someday ("Pleasant Valley Sunday" by the Monkees)
Droppin' on the Sun ("Walkin' on the Sun" by Smash Mouth)
Bends to Low Places ("Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks)
Enter Samson ("Enter Sandman" by Metallica)


LYRICS

ONE WAY
Parody of "One Week" performed by the Barenaked Ladies and written by Ed Robertson (Matt. 7:13-14, 13:24, John 6:44, 14:6; Luke 13:23-24, Acts 4:12, 1 Cor. 8:5-6; Deut. 5:7, 6:4, Exodus 20:3)

It's been one way take a look and see
Up to Heaven -- the Bible says it plainly.
False faith and philosophy can't get ya to Heaven -- come back to Jesus.
He's the way and the living truth
You realize that all those false gods couldn't help you.
Yes indeed, He's forgiven me, and He can still get you saved if you say you're sorry.
Holy cow they got you hoodwinked -- with the pagan god thing.
I think you're lookin' at also rans.
But some of this superstition though it might be called religion
Finds find you sizzlin' with the devil in the fryin' pan.
It's not like the Bible says it one time
More like 300 times -- it says there's only one avenue.
First C'rinthians chapter 8:6 -- the Bible says this.
You try to tell me that it's not true.
I think you're makin' a mistake -- I'd like to take and wake and shake ya.
Like to tell you how to find yourself the way there.
Cause Jesus showed us and we know where every soul is gonna ago.
Unless n' they confess Him as their Lord and Savior.
I cannot help it if I think there's one way and you're mad.
Tryin' hard not to sin but you're still bad.
There's a time to die and after the funeral.
Then you'll understand what I mean when it's too real.
I have a tendency to stand behind John 14.
John 14:6 could be my favorite Bible verse.
It's been one way -- take a look and see
Deuteronomy says it pretty plainly.
5:7 the passage reads: "You shall have no other gods before me."
(You can) read Exodus halfway through.
You read that line in chapter 20 'cause it's there, too.
Yes, indeed, chapter 20, verse 3.
Now, it's written in two places for you, and you saw it.
(Catch your breath here)
Check into China — the Chinese Christians.
They haven't done zip but they're chained up in prison.
Cause they read their Bibles with the lights on or cause they prayed once
Or cause they spoke on their religion.
In America it's more like getting dandruff -- They see you stand up.
They snicker when they see you passin' by.
They'd cure us all of all our bad flaws -- They wanna make laws.
But if they did they'd have us sterilized.
They get upset at anyone who tries definin' God above.
They're so alarmed they always try to start attacking.
Their attitude is that you're rude and that no truth is absolute anyway, babe
So let them think the wrong thing.
I cannot help it if I think there's one way into Heaven.
Kinda hard to ignore Matthew chapter 7.
I can find the line in Acts chapter 4:12.
Cannot be saved by the name of someone else.
I have First Timothy to verify my beliefs.
There's quite a bit to read but 2:5's the verse.
It's been one way -- take a look and see.
Drop your guard and your pride and say I'm sorry.
Bible says what you have to do.
It says if you just confess that Christ is Lord -- He'll come in you.
Believe that He's risen, too -- You'll realize you're born again -- I wouldn't tease you.
Yes, indeed, we can all be saved
But there will still be too many who won't say their sorry.
And still Jesus waits till we say we're sorry.
And still Jesus waits so please say you're sorry.
At least God don't speak in code like Hammurabi ''

Acts 4:12
Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved."


TWINS CAME OUT
Parody of "Twist and Shout" performed by the Beatles and the Isley Brothers and written by Bert Russell & Phil Medley
(Gen 25:24-27)

When Jacob was a baby now (Jake was a baby)
Twins came out (Twins came out)
He wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't the baby now (Wasn't the baby)
Who was the first to come out (First to come out)
You know the first to come out now (First to come out)
You know he looked so red (Looked so red)
He could have played for Cincinnati now (Played for the Reds)
Became a hunter instead (Became a hunter instead)
When Jacob was a baby now (Jake was a baby)
Twins came out (Twins came out)
He wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't the baby now (Wasn't the baby)
Who was the first to come out (First to come out)
You know, the first little boy (First little boy)
You know he looked so wild (Looked so wild)
He barely needed winter clothing now (Needed winter clothing)
He was a hairy little child (Hairy little child)
LEAD E-sau -- ah -- ah -- ah -- ah Whoahhh!
When Jacob was a baby now (Jake was a baby)
Twins came out (Twins came out)
He wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't, he wasn't the baby now (Wasn't the baby)
Who was the first to come out (First to come out)
You know the twins' little mom (Twins' little mom)
She knew the twins would fight (Twins would fight)
Cause they were wrestlin' deep inside her now (Wrestlin' inside her)
Just like the Lord prophesied (Lord prophesied)
When Jacob, Jacob was a baby now (3x)

Genesis 25:24-25
When the time came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb. The first to come out was red, and his whole body was like a hairy garment; so they named him Esau.


EVERY STEP TO TAKE
Parody of "Every Breath You Take" performed by the Police and written by Sting (Romans 10:9-13, 2 Peter 3:9)

Every debt you face can be removed through grace
Every law you break can be fixed through faith if you want them to
Every sinful way can be cured today
Every stain will fade -- they'll be wiped away if you want them to
Oh, can't you see? You'd be wrong to flee
While the good Lord waits till every soul is saved
If you move too late there's a price you pay
There's no time to waste -- get a clean, new slate 'cause He wants you to
Sinned so long I'd be lost without His grace
'cause Jesus Christ is the only way that saves
You're lookin' 'round for a truth you can embrace
He'll fill your soul with a strong enduring faith
At least try Him, baby, baby please.
Oh, can't you see -- Second Peter 3?
How the good Lord waits -- till every soul is saved
If you use true faith, if you bow to pray
Use your mouth to say Jesus' name today 'cause that's what to do
He'll remove your shame, just confess His name 'cause that's what to do
Cause He wants you to

2 Peter 3:9
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.


969
Parody of "Summer of '69" performed by Bryan Adams and written by Bryan Adams & Jim Vallance (Gen. 5:1-32, Romans 10:6-9)

You got to learn a little history -- Oldest man in Bible times
Name was called Methuselah -- Was nine hundred and sixty-nine
We had some guys come close -- Almost ran for a thousand yards
Didn't they quit till they got buried -- They should've known it just was too hard
When we look back now -- Those fellas seemed to live forever
And you just get annoyed -- cause you don't wanna believe it
Those guys were blessed with such long lives
Ain't no use in explainin' -- if you're gonna doubt the truth
Spent your life doubtin' the Bible -- and that's the fountain of youth yeah
Standin' knockin' on your door -- He told ya you could live forever
I hope you understand -- the truth is it's now or never
These are the last days of your life
That should be somethin' that sticks in your mind
Yeah, we're runnin' out of time -- But the young forget that they need eternal life
To get somethin' that last forever -- forever -- Whoa! Yeah!
And all the time we're agin' -- Look at every wrinkle comin' on
Some guys don't even live to be 16 -- Think about that while I end this song
Standin' knockin' on your door -- He told you how to live forever
I hope you understand -- Hebrews three says it's now or never
These are the last days of your life. That should be somethin' that sticks in your mind

Genesis 5:27
Altogether, Methuselah lived 969 years, and then he died.



SECOND TIMOTHY
Parody of "Sex and Candy" performed by Marcy Playground and written by John K. Wozniak (2 Timothy 3:16)

Hangin' round, found a Bible on the shelf
And I had so much time to sit and read it for myself and there it was
My Bible verified my very thoughts -- all Scripture is inspired
I saw Second Timothy, yeah -- Verse 3:16, it's right there
Who says that there's previous errors in my Old Test'ment?
You know it surely isn't me (yeah) -- Mama, they should read 3:16 (dig it)
Bring it down, down from off your shelf
And go read verse 3:16 in Second Timothy yourself
Go there because -- cause that verse demonstrates
Oh, yes it does -- all Scripture's heaven-made
I saw Second Timothy, yeah -- Who's got doubts cause -- it's quite clear
Who says that there's grev-i-ous errors in my Old Test'ment?
Mama, it surely isn't me (yeah) -- Mama, they should read 3:16 (dig it)
I saw Second Timothy, yeah. Who's got doubts cause it's right there
Who says that there's devious errors in my Old Test'ment?
Mama, it surely isn't me (yeah) -- Yeah, mama, they should read 3:16
Yeah, mama, it shows you what I mean -- Yeah, mama, I trust what I read

2 Timothy 3:16
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness ...


YOU AIN'T BEEN NOTHING YET
Parody of "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" performed by Bachman-Turner Overdrive and written by Randy Bachman (Exodus 4)

The Lord appeared to Moses. He told him what to say
He said, "I have a tongue that's goofy" but God wanted him that way
He said that any tongue is good enough "so you do what I just said
You go to Egypt to them Israelites and then I'll make you something yet!"
M-m-m-moses said, "I ain't been nothin' yet!
Did someone that's in Heaven up there forget?
You know, you know, you know, I'm 80 and I ain't been nothin' yet!"
("They'll say, You ain't been around -- That's what they'll tell me")
I've heard that Moses stuttered or something of the sort
He turned into a prophet yet he never found the cure
You see that anyone is good enough if they trust what God has said
In the book that I just read cause then He'll put belief in them deep down inside
And then He'll make them something yet
M-m-maybe, you just ain't been nothin' yet
It's comin', it's comin' -- You just hang on and don't fret
B-b-b-baby, He'll make you something yet.
(You need elevated -- God'll make you cool!)
Anyone can be something -- If they trust what God has said
In the book that I just read and then He changes you deep down inside
And then He'll make you something yet
M-m-maybe, you just ain't been nothin' yet
It's comin', it's comin' -- He's the Lord and you never oughta forget
B-b-b-baby, He'll make you something yet

Exodus 4:10
Moses said to the LORD, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue."


DONKEY TALKED WITH HIM
Parody of "Honky Tonk Women" performed by the Rolling Stones and written by Mick Jagger and Keith Richard. Also includes brief parody of portion of "Beast of Burden" by the Rolling Stones (Numbers 22-24)

They sent a man of prophecy against us
They tried to make him curse us for a price
He had to leave without it 'cause he told them
"Guys, I just can't seem to curse the Israelites!"
His do-o-onkey talked with him
Give him, give him, give him the donkey talk blues
King Balak sent for Balaam to curse Israel
He had to get on his donkey for a ride
An angel nearly cut him into pieces
His donkey froze and then she spoke her mind!
CHORUS
I've never seen no beast of burden who actually spoke, but it's for certain
All I want is for you to read Numbers please ... chapter 22, sugarpop!
CHORUS

Numbers 22:28
Then the LORD opened the donkey's mouth, and she said to Balaam, "What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?"


RONOMY
Parody of "Runaway" performed by Del Shannon and written by Charles Westover & Max Crook (Deuteronomy 29:5)

As they walked along they numbered two million strong
With all of their wives and all their young
And as Israel walked out of Egypt some things went wrong in the desert
That's why they took so long
In the book where it began, Israel found itself in Egypt's land
Bid adieu in Exodus, straight through Leviticus and Numbers
They wa-wa-wa-wa-wandered
While, while, while, while, while they went astray
And they wound up their desert stay in Deuteronomy
A-ron-ron-ron-ron-ronomy

Deuteronomy 29:5
During the forty years that I led you through the desert, your clothes did not wear out, nor did the sandals on your feet.


CREDENCE THRU DEEPWATER SURVIVAL
Parody of "Proud Mary" performed by Creedence Clearwater Revival and Ike & Tina Turner and written by John C. Fogerty. Rap by J. John Jackson (Psalm 18:16, Exodus 14, Joshua 3, 2 Kings 2:8-14, Jonah 1-2, Genesis 6-8, Acts 27, 2 Cor. 11:25)

MOSES:
Lifted God's rod and He did it
Walkin' on dry land through a tidal wave
But I guess I was a bit off the deep end
Worryin' bout the way we might escape
Big waves keep on surgin'
Proud Pharoah keep on gurglin'
Rollin', rollin', rollin' back the river
JOSHUA:
Seen Him part the waves for Moses
Joshua's my name and I'm new at this
But I never saw the Lord dry up a river
Till He switched the tide and the river flow quit
Israel keep on learnin' -- Tide gonna keep on turnin'
Rollin', rollin', rollin' back the river
RAP:
Joshua and Moses -- they already told us
Evidence of providence that God almighty showed us
But let me remind ya all about Elijah
Walkin' through the Jordan followed by Elisha
What about Noah? Don't leave out Jonah!
Water water everywhere but not a drop will slow ya!
All these readings you can see right in your Bible
We call God's credence through deepwater survival
SIMON PETER:
Yes, you could drown in the river
But you're gonna find some people who lived
You don't have to worry if you have God's mercy
Peter's one believer who's happy he did
Be a real deepwater person
Get out there and keep and keep on surfin'
Strollin', strollin', strollin' on the river

Psalm 18:16
He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.


LAWFUL WOMAN (IN BAD PLACE)
Parody of "Long Cool Woman (in a Black Dress)" performed by the Hollies and written by Harold Clarke, Roger F. Cook and Roger John Reginald Greenaway (Joshua 2)

Sat out the night in a bad town
Workin' on some espionage
Sent in there to test a battle plan
Risky, but we tried to lodge
Two of us pulled in, saw a red light
For the people who were doing wrong
I guess she was harlot but even then
She had heard about-a Israel's God
We were foreign spies but she helped us to hide
We said that we'd spare her her life
She was an awful woman in a bad place
In a town that was due for a fall
With just one move she proved she had faith
Was a lawful woman after all
We saw her heart was true and faithful
When the town knocked she hid that fact
The town they said "Those fellows from Israel
Can you tell us do you know where there at?"
"There not in here," she said, "Go find them!"
And everybody started to run
A-jumpin' on their horse and camels
In a hurry so real soon they were gone
We could see they were gone so we left then
We could see that we owed her our lives
Well, we told her, "Don't get scared, 'cause you're gonna be spared"
But we gotta see a red ribbon if ya wanna still be livin'
When the wall falls, woman in a bad place
In a town that was due for a fall
With just one move you proved you had faith
You're a lawful woman after all
After all! After all! Mmmmm ... After all!

Joshua 2:1
Then Joshua son of Nun secretly sent two spies from Shittim. "Go, look over the land," he said, "especially Jericho." So they went and entered the house of a prostitute named Rahab and stayed there.


KICK IN THE WALL PT. 2
Parody of "Another Brick in the Wall Pt. 2" performed by Pink Floyd and written by Roger Waters (Joshua 6)

We don't need no ammunition
Victory's in God's control
The dark side cannot win the battle
We believe in Him alone.
Praise beats ya -- even Jericho!
All in all let's just say God will kick in the wall
All in all we'll just pray God will kick in the wall

Joshua 6:10
But Joshua had commanded the people, "Do not give a war cry, do not raise your voices, do not say a word until the day I tell you to shout. Then shout!"


FAST PAUL
Parody of "The Way" performed by Fastball and written by Anthony M. Scalzo (Rom. 10:14, 15:20; Acts 9:2; Acts 19:9, 23; 22:4; 24:14, 22)

He made up his mind then he started acting
He left to find the ones that God would save
There's people who eternal life are lacking
But how will they know it without preachers showing the Way?
He laid down that line in Romans 10:14
But Paul had more important things to say
The letters Paul wrote down they are exhorting
Us to get going and out there to show them the Way
Anyone could see the world if they wanted to stay with Paul
'cause he'd always run to wherever God called
To different countries and every sort of place
You can see his travels would lead him everywhere
The whole way to Rome but he didn't get scared
He wanted to find those who hadn't yet heard the Way that saves
The churches sprang up and he organized them
He left in charge the ones that God ordained
He just wrote lots of letters for to guide them
If you don't know them, go out and read Romans today
Anyone could see the world if they wanted to stay with Paul
"Let me go to somewhere they've never been told.
If everyone's stuck here -- we'll never get no-one saved!"
He could see his travels would lead him everywhere
You know that in Romans 15 he declared:
"I wanna preach Christ where they haven't yet heard the Way that saves
Anyone could see the world if they wanted to stay with Paul
But if your line's busy you'll never get called
You'll never get rung if -- you never get bold and brave
You can see his travels takin' him everywhere
The whole way to Rome but he didn't get scared
He wanted the highway -- Cause that's where he'd heard the Way to save

Romans 10:14
How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?


JAIL GOT ROCKED
Parody of "Jailhouse Rock" performed by Elvis Presley and written by Jerry Leiber & Mike Stoller (Acts 16:23-34)

Warden threw Paul and Silas down in jail
The prisoners around 'em thought their plans had failed
It started somethin' when the boys began to sing
It shook the earth a lot and let the jailbirds spring
In the stocks -- everybody was shocked
Every door in each cell was unlocked
When the Macedonian jail got rocked
Silas started praisin' and it cracked some stone
Little do they know it was a sign of what's to come
A rumblin' noise it hit the boys and smashed those chains
It broke the Richter scale -- it was a powerful thing
CHORUS
From the throne of Heaven came a thundering
Tore right through the jail rather effortlessly
They should've used a seismograph but honestly
They wanted to but it was 51 AD
CHORUS
Macedonia prison in the time of Rome
Was more like California when it all was done
The warden said, "Hey buddy, could you please explain?
Can you tell me what to do so I'll get saved? Let's talk!"
CHORUS
"If you just believe on the Lord Jesus Christ
Warden, you can now repent and change your life
Would you like forgiveness?" And he said, "Yes, yes!
"You gotta stick around, I'm gonna get my kids! Let's talk!"
CHORUS

Acts 16:26
Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everybody's chains came loose.


PUT YOU DOWN IN MY WILL
Parody of "Push" performed by Matchbox 20 and written by Rob Thomas & Matt Serletic (Isaiah 59:15-17, 1 John 4:10, Romans 5:8, Hebrews 13:8)

He said, "I know no-one has ever been good enough
I'm a little disgusted, yet I'll think up a plan for saving them
And they don't know that the devil plays really rough
But if Man would trust me, I've still got somethin' left to give
And it's a little bitty baby
Well, this ain't over -- no, not yet -- Not while I still need to go down
You don't know Me -- but I'll save you -- Yeah, I'll bless you real good
I wanna put your name down in my will, in my will
I wanna give you a crown, and I will, and I will
I wanna save your poor planet
I wanna save you, poor planet. Yeah, yeah, and I will."
I said, "I don't know why You ever would die for me
When I'm a criminal suspect, and the things I do are gonna hurt Ya
And I don't know why You didn't just stay up there
You made a plan to redeem me when my faith wasn't even worth a dime
'cause I'm a little unworthy"
"Well, don't ya understand it?" Said my King to me
"'cause I've been waitin' all along for you
It's in Romans 5 verse 8. First John 4:10 explains it all"
CHORUS
"Although you don't know Jehovah
Just pray to Me and I'll come in your heart, it may sound crazy, maybe
Just trust Me baby -- I'll rush to save ya, save ya"
CHORUS

Isaiah 59:16
He saw that there was no one, he was appalled that there was no one to intervene; so his own arm worked salvation for him, and his own righteousness sustained him.


CRAZY LITTLE KING GOD LOVES
Parody of "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" performed by Queen and written by Freddie Mercury
(1 Samuel 21:10-15, 27:1-28:3, 29:1-11)

This king God loves was blessed by Samuel yet
This king God loves they just ain't crowned him yet
He ain't ready -- David is the king God loves
This king (this king) God loves (God loves)
He hides (night and daily) from the Israelites
He's king (woo woo) that's right (woo woo)
And King Saul's gonna have a jealous fit tryin' to find him
David is the king God loves
There goes my David
You know he's on the run from Saul
He tried King Achish
He said, "You're not supposed to be here!"
And David got a cold, cold sweat
He started to drool real fast and he put on an act
Feigning madness, he tried
To fake out all the guys in the Philistines
That's why they said he's the crazy little king God loves
LEAD
He started to drool real fast and he put on an act
"He's a madman!" they cried
"Take him outside and call the men in white
To come and get him!" (They'll regret it)
The crazy little king God loves
This king (this king) God loves (God loves) was blessed by Samuel yet
This king (this king) God loves (God loves) they just ain't crowned him yet.
He ain't ready -- but David is the king God loves
The crazy little king God loves REPEAT

1 Samuel 21:14
Achish said to his servants, "Look at the man! He is insane! Why bring him to me?"


DANCING DAVE
Parody of "Dancing Days" performed by Led Zeppelin and written by Robert Plant & Jimmy Page
(2 Samuel 6:12-23)

"Dancing Dave is here again
And he somehow leaves me cold
And from my tower, my love grows sour
'cause I'm his woman, you know?
He's in the spotlight, I said it's not right
To dance with all of your heart
The Lord is holy -- not rock and rolly
Least that's the way I was taught
Davey where's your etiquette?
Well, you're barely wearing your clothes
If you use a circus tent
You could even start up a show.
You know it's not right, not very polite
You know you're fallin' apart.
You're bein' ornery but more importantly
Get out of the way of the ark!
I saw you jumpin' and gettin' down
But I'm here to tell you I'll have no part.
I'm not the kind of queen that dances around
Like a bad girl in a bar.
You know it's not right, it isn't godlike
To dance with all of your heart
You need my loyalty, might lose your royalty
Unless you make a new start"
Dancing Dave was innocent
And as some of you may know
His wife Michal was to wind up childless
Because she wounded him so
I said it's all right; he had some more wives
But there's a point to this part
So read the manual in Second Samuel
In chapter six you should start!

2 Samuel 6:16
As the ark of the LORD was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window. And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the LORD, she despised him in her heart.


SMART BLEST MAN
Parody of "Sharp Dressed Man" performed by ZZ Top and written by Billy Gibbons, Dusty Hall & Frank Beard. Also includes brief parodies of portions of these other ZZ Top songs: "Le Grange," "Tush," "Legs" and "Tube Snake Boogie" (1 Kings 3:5-15, 4:20-34, 10:14-29)

In First Kings 2, my daddy told me what I gotta do
Real soon, Dad died -- I gotta lead the Israelites
I told God to make me wise as He can
'cause Israel needs to have a smart blest man
Don't want diamond rings -- I need wisdom from the King of Kings
God said: "Slick pick! Since you said that I'm gonna make you rich
They'll come runnin' from the farthest of lands
To hear the Lord's wisdom from a smart, blest man."
Got gold, got class -- But I don't care because it all will pass
Get faith, find love -- If you're smart, those are enough
Then ask God to make you wise as He can
And everyone will say that you're a smart, blest man

1 Kings 3:12-13
"I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for—both riches and honor—so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings."


REVELATION MAN
Parody of "Secret Agent Man" performed by Johnny Rivers and written by P.F. Sloan & Steve Barri (Revelation 13:18)

There's a man who seems just like a savior
With everyone he meets he gains their favor
With every move he makes, another hand he shakes
Odds are he won't give you peace tomorrow
Revelation man, Revelation man
He's givin' you a number and takin' away your faith
It's there in Revelation that you find
A pretty beast who has an evil mind
He led the world astray; they'll give their souls away
All that he will give is grief and sorrow
CHORUS
Bringin' all the world together one day
Then claiming that he's God almighty next day
Ah, but you fell for all his tricks by listening to 666
God's not who he is you'll see tomorrow

Revelation 13:16-17
He also forced everyone, small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on his right hand or on his forehead, so that no one could buy or sell unless he had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of his name.


ARMAGEDDON VALLEY SOMEDAY
Parody of "Pleasant Valley Sunday" performed by the Monkees and written by Carole King & Gerry Goffin (Revelation 16:16, 17:13-14, 19:11-21, 20:7-10, Ezek. 38, 39)

The global clock moves down to zero
While the armies march along
They surround Israel's weakened sides
They're just about to throw their bombs
In Armageddon Valley someday (someday)
Christ returnin' in the air
Rows of thousands that have called His name
And no-one seems too scared
Jesus displays His power today
He's got His soldiers on platoon
They met the Beast who can't believe
He got defeated there so soon
In Armageddon Valley someday (someday)
Fiercest battle in the land
Bible explains about a war like this
But the simple don't understand
The future comforts those
Who know He won their souls
They're lookin' forward to this scene
Armageddon day
It ain't so far away
You need to change your loyalty

Revelation 16:16
Then they gathered the kings together to the place that in Hebrew is called Armageddon.


DROPPIN' ON THE SUN
Parody of "Walkin' on the Sun" performed by Smash Mouth and written by Greg Camp, Paul DeLisle, Steve Harwell & Kevin Iannello (Luke 16:19-31, Rev. 14:11, 20:10-15, Matt. 5:22-30; 7:13-14,10:28, 13:48-50; 18:9, 23:33, 25:41; Mark 9:42-47; James 3:6, Jude 7,13; 2 Thess. 1:7-9; 2 Peter 3:7; Romans 2:5-12 of course you don't actually need the scriptures to find Hell)

It ain't no joke, no lie, the Bible clearly spoke
To teach the world to fear the furnace underneath
To teach the world about hellfire but there's liars
Who say they know Christians are wrong, even bad people rest in peace
It gets enough attacks. I know men doubt that it's fact
It's not like any map shows exactly where it's at
But just like gravity you cannot see it really exists
And it does no good but they'll deny it just to stay in their sins
So don't delay, act now! Your time is runnin' out!
Find out while you're still alive -- The true way is Jesus Christ
And if you follow the way, you'll have no sorrow but if
the offer's done, you might as well be droppin' on the sun
Two thousand years ago He spoke out and they wrote down
All the best in the New Testament together in a book
And He told how it was dark, surrounded by fire
Where teeth will be gnashin', man, Christ said Hell happens
And so He spelled it out, so to help out those who felt doubt
Then He brought it back up when He talked against the self-proud
And religious hypocrites threw hissy fits
Because that's just what happens when they're faced with their sins
So don't delay, act now! Your time is runnin' out!
By now I'm sure you've surmised -- There's two places to arrive
And if you follow the way you'll have no sorrow, but if
The offer's shunned, you might as well be droppin' on the sun
It ain't no joke that He's gonna take the sheep and goats
And He'll steer them to the left and right, but, listen, folks:
The ones that's goats get disposed of. God won't just burn their souls up
They'll be livin' in eternal Godless hopeless darkness
So don't risk that, get facts, you ought to take a look at
Luke 16, Mark 9 and Jude -- There's one little chapt'r
Look today at Matthew chapter 10, verse 28
You need to read in Revelation 20 what does it say?
So don't delay, act now! Your time is runnin' out!
Find now while you're still alive -- Matthew chapter 25
And if you follow the way -- you'll have no sorrow, but if
You drop and punt, you might as well be droppin' on the sun

Matthew 25:41
"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels."


BENDS TO LOW PLACES
Parody of "Friends in Low Places" performed by Garth Brooks and written by Dewayne Blackwell & Earl Bud Lee (Acts 2:21, Romans 10:13, Joel 2:32)

Blamed it all on my youth
I screwed up and goofed and ruined my life, I declared
My past was a joke and I'd gone so low
God was the last one I thought would be there
And I was sort of surprised at what appeared in the Bible
When I took a glance at that page
Cause Acts chapter 2:21 says Jesus rescues
Whosoever calls on His name
Cause my God bends down to low places
And He's with me now and I feel safe 'cause
My dues are paid and I'll be O.K
And my God's big on total grace cause
If we slip and fall He will go save us
Oh my God bends to low places!
I did stuff that's wrong
I was messed up so long, but then God bent near the floor
Ever since that night, I put faith in Christ
And I know my hope is assured
Hey, I didn't need a washing machine
To give me a shower and rinse
I will rely on His life-giving power
To forgive my sins

Acts 2:21
"And everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.'"


ENTER SAMSON
Parody of "Enter Sandman" performed by Metallica and written by Kirk Hammett, Lars Ulrich & James Hetfield (Judges 13-16)

See my hair, it's so long! How'd I get so strong?
There's a clue in this song
I've got you pinned! Always win! Rip you limb from limb
When old Samson is done!
See this one guy only whippin' your Philistines!
Exercise isn't why! Shave my head!
I'll be just another man!
Something's wrong 'cause my might headed south tonight
In the arms of Delilah
She was a thorn in my side, she would nag and cry
And I think she's a spy
Sleepin' when I woke up, in came the Philistines
Exit might! End of sight! Chained my hands!
Took me to another land!
SPOKEN:
Now they made me blind and weak
They cavort and hold a feast
If I die a foreign slave
Pray the Lord these poles to shake
Watch little pagans! Don't fail me Lord!
They made me blind I'm sure you've heard
Make this a feast they won't forget
Bring their bloodshed on their heads!
Make things right! End their lives! Take a stand!
Take this life! End it right! Take my hands!
Crush them into desert sand! Boom!

Judges 16:17
So he told her everything. "No razor has ever been used on my head," he said, "because I have been a Nazirite set apart to God since birth. If my head were shaved, my strength would leave me, and I would become as weak as any other man."