Crowd shot masthead ApologetiX Logo Keith Haynie plays bassBill Hubauer plays lead guitarJ. Jackson sings leadJimmy Vegas Tanner plays drums

What songs are on "Wordplay" (2006)?

Here's what's on "Wordplay" (2006):

1. Somebody Sold Me (Parody of Somebody Told Me by the Killers)
2. None Too Ladylike (Parody of 1985 by Bowling for Soup)
3. Jehovah (Parody of The Joker by the Steve Miller Band)
4. Save Your Voice (Quiet Down, Boy) (Parody of Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) by Big & Rich)
5. Boulevard of Both Extremes (Parody of Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day)
6. Heavenly Hill (Parody of Beverly Hills by Weezer)
7. Spread the Way (Parody of Drift Away by Uncle Kracker and Dobie Gray)
8. Rocky's Now My Name (Parody of Rocky Mountain Way by Joe Walsh)
9. Bone Digger (Parody of Gold Digger by Kanye West & Jamie Foxx)
10. Bad Dad (Parody of Bad Day by Daniel Powter)
11. Back in the New Testament (Parody of Back in the U.S.S.R. by the Beatles)
12. Jericho (You Too Zaccheus) (Parody of Vertigo by U2)
13. Superficial (Parody of Superstition by Stevie Wonder)
14. Humpty Dumpty Country Club (Parody of Honky Tonk Badonkadonk by Trace Adkins)
15. Swimmer (Parody of Slither by Velvet Revolver)
16. Here I Go (Against All I've Known) (Parody of Here I Go Again by Whitesnake)
17. Ephesians (Parody of the Reason by Hoobastank)
18. Won't Get Born Again (Parody of Won't Get Fooled Again by the Who)
19. Singled You Out (Parody of Figured You Out by Nickelback)
20. Want It Dead or Alive? (Parody of Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi)


LYRICS

Somebody Sold Me
Parody of "Somebody Told Me" performed by the Killers and written by Brandon Flowers, David Keuning, Mark Stoermer & Ronnie Vannucci
(Genesis 37-50)

Take a ride back to the olden days
17 that's when I had to ditch this place
And Jacob's my dad, guess you know his name
He had me named Joseph and gave nice gifts
Anyway, folks, I don't think you'd like this
Got heavenly clothes and the day I did
I had 11 angry bros, better play nice, kids
Sprang a trap now to bring me back down to size
Never thought I'd meet Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice

But somebody sold me -- not Reuben or Benjamin
But Judah and Simeon
Levi, Gad and Zebulun, Dan and Naphtali
Issachar and Asher
Now, I've got my masters

Then I got sold off to someone new
Ran his household but his sleazy wife's untrue
She said to me, Joe, give me just one kiss
I said, for Heaven's sake, no, but she claimed I did
Had me locked down, prison block now for life
Never thought I'd see my dreams come true in all this strife

But someone paroled me by divine appointment
It went like a whirlwind
Then I helped the Pharaoh when he had bad dreams
He thought my potential -- was quite substantial
My life turned-a life turned around

Take a tip from me: I said, maybe things look bleak
But you just don't know now what God is gonna do in time

Yes, somebody sold me 'cause I annoyed them
It looked like my world's end
Now I have a federal job with the brass here
It's not penitential; it's vice presidential
I boss men-a boss men around

Yes, somebody sold me and broke up our boy band
It felt more like Pearl Jam
Cause I was depressed but now it's a blast here
It was providential and quite essential
My life turned-a life turned around

Yes, somebody sold me, if you haven't listened
I walk like an Egyptian
Cause I had been sent to there in the past, yes
It's right there in Genesis chapter 37, kids
My life turned-a life turned around

Genesis 50:20-21
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.


None Too Ladylike
Parody of "1985" performed by Bowling for Soup and written by John Allen, Mitch Allan & Jaret Reddick)
(1 Kings 16:30-32, 18:3-19, 19:1-2, 21:1-26, 2 Kings 9:7-22, 9:30-37)

Jezebel hit the wall, she really had a fall
What a happy day for Israel's PTA
She screamed a lot for sure when she fell 20 floors
Finally bit the dust, man
God overthrew her plans
She was into Baal and Asherah
She was gonna be in charge
She was gonna just harass
All the good Israelites at large
She fell, oh, yes indeed
Here's now her eulogy
Look at her savage life
Another desperate housewife

If you're thinking Madonna was wild before Kabbalah
Well there used to be one queen who made her look like Mrs. Clean
Her stupid old husband, he gave her what she wanted
But she killed and often lied
She's none too, none too, none too ladylike

She killed all the prophets she could ever find
Wrecked Israel's idiot kings Ahab and Ahaziah
She mocked God's commands not a big Leviticus fan
Got the upper hand on the men around who ran the land
Where's the ministers? Made 'em pagan
And she's no mother-type; this isn't Nancy Reagan
When immorality becomes P.C.
What can the righteous do?
Skip town, lay low, 'cause that lady's a

Bloodthirsty piranha
Ahab was her pawn just
Like Count Dooku in Part 3
And Jezebel's like Palpatine
She's ruthless and ice cold
Don't tell us that she's nice, though
Cause she serves the darker side
She's none too, none too, none too ladylike

These hate crimes they did stop
General Jehu led an assassin's plot
And when she saw he was comin' after her
Her face just dropped, dropped, dropped

And now we're
Singing cantatas
Happy Rosh Hashana
And it's due to just one thing
That Jezebel is history
The prophet she talked to
He told her she'd be dogfood
'Cause she killed, she ought to die
She's none too ladylike

First Kings 16, you're gonna
Meet her if you wanna
Filled with voodoo, debauchery
Her name lives on in infamy
The truth's in the Bible
She'd love Samaritan Idol
She'd choose Baal and not Bo Bice
She's none too, none too, none too ladylike

2 Kings 9:33
"Throw her down!" Jehu said. So they threw her down, and some of her blood spattered the wall and the horses as they trampled her underfoot.


Jehovah
Parody of "The Joker" performed by the Steve Miller Band and written by Steve Miller (Isaiah 9:6; John 1:1, 1:18, 8:24, 10:33, 20:28; Acts 20:28; Romans 9:5; Philippians 2:6; Colossians 1:15, 2:9; 1 Timothy 3:16; Titus 2:13; Hebrews 1:8; 2 Peter 1:1)

Some people call Him a spaced-out poet, yeah
Some call Him an angel above
Some people from the Far East
Say they think he's a prophet who taught love
People talk about my Savior
That's why I'm doin' this song provin' He's God
Well, don't you worry, baby, don't worry
Cause the Bible right here decides who's right and who's wrong

'Cause I'm a preacher, a born-againer
A Bible lover yet I'm a sinner
I play my music for the Son
He's Jehovah, gonna show ya
Though you may not know yet
Look it up in John 1:1, oooh, oooh

Titus 2:13 and John 10:33
And read along in Hebrews 1 verse 8 you'll see
And Philippians 2:6 and then Colossians 2:9
And Isaiah 9:6, Romans 9:5

'Cause I'm a preacher, a born-againer
A Bible lover yet I'm a sinner
I play my music for the Son
He's Jehovah, gonna show ya
Though you may not know yet
Second Peter verse 1:1

Read in the Acts of the Apostles, baby
And the Gospel of John
'Cause chapter 20, verse 28, both verses, mama
Tells us Christ is our God
Go to 3:16 First Timothy and see
And read First John 5:20 'n' Colossians 1:15
John 8:24, there's plenty more, we're running out of time
John 1:18, now I showed you He's divine.

John 10:33
We are not stoning you for any of these," replied the Jews, "but for blasphemy, because you, a mere man, claim to be God.


Save Your Voice (Quiet Down, Boy)
Parody of "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)" performed by Big & Rich and written by Kenny Alphin & John Rich
(Zephaniah 3:14-17, Psalms 22:3, 2 Chron. 20:19, Psalm 98:4-9, Psalm 150:1-6, Romans 8:18, 2 Cor. 4:17, 2 Cor. 10:4-5; Ephesians 6:10-18, 1 John 5:13)

When I walk in doom and gloom
Stressin' 'bout a hundred different bills, man, it kills any thrill
Like a thorn stuck in Cinderella's heel
And I'm bothered by a couple pounds I've found
I think my body's getting' round and this clown
Ain't never gonna be the same

But the battle is the Lord's and I might as well get busy
I'm makin' God annoyed when I wallow in self pity
Fightin' must be done God's way and God told us rejoice
When the world says, save your voice, quiet down, boy
Yeah, the Bible say, Praise the Lord nice and loud, boy

When I don't give Him thanks about nothin'
I'm sinkin' in bleak thinkin' my morale's a stinkin'
Don't get down!
And I wouldn't trade my reward up in Heaven's gates
For success that fades or some cheap charade
And there's not a long wait left anyhow

And the battle is the Lord's and He'll fight it to the finish
I'm raisin' up my voice, and it works like Popeye's spinach
Fightin' must be done God's way and God told us rejoice
When the world says, save your voice, quiet down, boy
Then the Bible says, Praise the Lord nice and loud, boy

I was full of dread 'bout what's ahead
I looked back at what God did when Christ was sweatin' blood
God's Son got onto that Calvary road
When I find that I'm inclined to whine, havin' myself a rigorous time
I'll be knowin' this is not as far as He had to go
A thorough evaluation of my final destination
Had me thank Him for salvation all life long
So I look to God, He's big and strong
He can use it when my whole world's wrong
I figure if I really know His Son I should speak up when things get rough

And the battle is the Lord's and my attitude is lifting
I make a lot of noise, like it says in Psalm 150
Fightin' must be done God's way and God told us rejoice
When the world says, save your voice, quiet down, boy
Then the Bible says, Praise the Lord nice and loud, boy

Psalm 150:6
Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD.



The Boulevard of Both Extremes
Parody of "The Boulevard of Broken Dreams" performed by Green Day and written by Billy Joe Armstrong, Mike Dirnt & Tre Cool
(Luke 17:11-19)

I walk Galilee road I know no one and I am an unknown
I'm Samaritan, though got a known disease but I got no home
I've got this leprosy all the folks who are approaching scream
Where's their sympathy? They run and show me none, but I'm not alone
I'm not alone, I'm not alone, I'm not alone, I'm not a

My fellow homeless ones, they walk beside me
We share those marks that go with skin diseases
There's nine Jewish among us -- they don't mind me
With them, I'm not alone

We're all from Palestine race divides us but their skin's like mine
And like Frankenstein ugly, wretched, scarred like Al Capone
We see Jesus Christ let's walk up to Him He seems all right
Yet in Bible times, we know it's not allowed, we must walk alone
But I'm not alone, I'm not alone, I'm not alone, I'm not a-

My fellow homeless ones who walk beside me
They shout "Have mercy on us, please Lord Jesus!"
Then Christ says we should turn from there and find priests
To them I've got to go
I'm not alone, I'm not a-

My God just set me free from a cruel, bizarre, awful disease
Went to see the priests and on the road the Lord was my doctor
My fellow homeless ones were healed just like me
I shall embark to go give thanks to Jesus
The nine all wish me luck but stay behind me
And then I walk alone

Luke 17:15-16
And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, and with a loud voice glorified God, and fell down on his face at his feet, giving him thanks: and he was a Samaritan.



Rocky's Now My Name
Parody of "Rocky Mountain Way" performed by Joe Walsh and written by Joe Walsh, Joe Vitale, Ken Passarelli & Rocke Grace
(Matthew 16:18; John 1:42)

Spent my past here, stuck in Galilee, couldn't get inspired
Found the Master then He changed my name -- Simon's old and tired
And you know Jesus says that I'm a rocky, stoney lad
But if Rocky's now my name it's better than the name I had
LEAD

Well, the Zealot, magician and leper all had
Names that they shared with me
And there was a tanner
Jesus' brother and Judas' dad even a Pharisee
Simon's name was standard
And there's Simon of Cyrene and
Simon Cowell and more than that, uh huh
So if Rocky's now my name it's better that He named me that

John 1:42
And he brought him to Jesus. Jesus looked at him and said, "You are Simon son of John. You will be called Cephas" (which, when translated, is Peter).


Heavenly Hill
Parody of "Beverly Hills" performed by Weezer and written by Rivers Cuomo
Matthew 17:1-9, Mark 9:1-9, Luke 9:27-36, 2 Peter 1:16-19)

Where I come from there's a tall flat place
It's out on a hill where a ski slope's at
My master went for a little walk
With His friends there just to do a retreat
He didn't go with some big group
Just three guys, James and John and me
While we prayed I saw the Son of God talking with the prophets

Heavenly hill -- that's where I want to be (John and Jimmy, John and Jimmy)
Living on heavenly hill
Heavenly hill -- Moses, Elijah, Jesus, and me (John and Jimmy, John and Jimmy)
Living on heavenly hill

Looking brighter than a star, His clothes so beautiful they gleamed
Don't know how they scrubbed His wardrobe but His face it seemed to beam
I wonder if He'll look like that whenever Jesus Christ is king
Maybe this ain't quite as cool but it's the next best thing

Heavenly hill -- that's where I want to be (John and Jimmy, John and Jimmy)
Living on heavenly hill
Heavenly hill -- Mark n' Luke 9, Matthew 17 (John and Jimmy, John and Jimmy)
Living on heavenly hill

The truth is ... I can't stand the suspense
There's someplace that I'm more into
And I guess it won't be long
No, it won't, I guess you know that deep down too
And I will always dream of that day
When I will dwell in Paradise, but till that starts, hey

Heavenly hill -- that's where I want to be (John and Jimmy, John and Jimmy)
Living on heavenly hill
Heavenly hill -- Second Peter verse 1:18 (John and Jimmy, John and Jimmy)
Living on heavenly hill

2 Peter 1:16-18
We did not follow cleverly invented stories when we told you about the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. For he received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased." We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain.


Spread the Way (Galilee Beach Boys)
Parody of "Drift Away" performed by Uncle Kracker & Doby Gray and written by Mentor Williams (Acts 12:1-3, John 21:15-24)

Day after day my Lord comes through
Still it looks more than likely that more'll be slain
You know after James died my faith was bruised
And I'm feelin' the pain but I ain't gonna change

Jimmy and me, Lord, me and my bro
You wanted apostles to walk the road and spread the Way
Galilee Beach Boys, that's me and my bro
We counted the cost and we rocked the boat and left the lake
Why'd You take him away?

Beginning to think that I'm racing time
They don't understand the things they do
But Lord our side will come out fine
And I'm counting on You when they bury me too

CHORUS

And when my time's complete
You'll hold a family reunion
And if my dreams come true
I'll get to come with You real soon then

Thanks Father God that I live and breathe
I want You to know that I believe in Your Son
But livin' with dyin' is hard for me
So help me,God
Ah, it's taking so long

CHORUS

You won't forsake me, you won't forsake me

John 21:22-23
Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me." Because of this, the rumor spread among the brothers that this disciple would not die. But Jesus did not say that he would not die; he only said, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?"


Bone Digger
Parody of Bone Digger performed by Kanye West (Featuring Jammie Foxx) and written by Kanye West, Ray Charles, and Renald Richard (Romans 1:18-25, Job 40:15-41:34)

They make a monkey right out of me
Yes, they've been tryin' endlessly
Overeager bonediggers -- they never found that jigsaw piece

They make a monkey right out of me
It makes for funky biology
I'm not the kid of some hominid
Who comes from a lizard
Whose mama was a fish

Now I ain't hatin' on the bone diggers
But I say evolution don't figure
Now, I ain't hatin' on the bone diggers
But I ain't never seen no holes bigger
It sounds like no evidence found
It sounds like their heads in the ground
It sounds like they're just too proud
It sounds quite boneheaded

You need to ponder whether evolution is wrong
Whether maybe you was put on under cover of dawn
They said, "We can tell from rocks, we tell by the carbon"
'Cause this world has gotta flock of descendants of Charles Robert Darwin
But I'm lookin' for the odds at casinos
That life could come to be from random acids amino
Zero -- we know it's hocus pocus
And they wanna make all of that an accidental process?

O.K., let's pretend a fishy got some kids
That stood up on their fins and crawled up on land
Without evidence and here we are today
If you're trustin' in this worldview you better have faith
You know why? They make too much of nothin'
Stuff that I've heard it should have been on Mythbusters
Their best forensic samples couldn't cut the mustard
You don't care what none of us say you still trust it

(They make a monkey)
Now I ain't hatin' on the bone diggers (right out of me)
But I say evolution don't figure (It makes for funky)
Now, I ain't hatin' on the bone diggers (biology)
But I ain't never seen no holes bigger (I'm not the kid)
It sounds like no evidence found (of some hominid)
It sounds like their heads in the ground (who comes from a lizard)
It sounds like they're just too proud (whose mama was a fish)
It sounds quite boneheaded

1859's the fateful year -- they've had 150 years to prove their great new theory
I know some funny ways they found support for some of it, kids
They made some hominids from parts of gibbons and pigs
Your museums are deceiving when you visit one they
Take a couple bones pawn it off as a primate
They were s'posed to find all sorts of life forms we could study
They went to the rocks and got dinosaurs in the muddy
They're talkin' down actin' like the Bible is so funny
Could've got dinos sooner if they tried Job 41-y

If it ain't no bunk, holler "We want proof now, we want proof now, yeah!"
It's somethin' that'll make you mad
Cause all the links they had were either weak or bad
Great big digs since the 1860's
And after waiting and searchin' they found out it doesn't exist?

CHORUS

Now I ain't hating on the bone digger, no, not me
I've found trilobites in stone and some petrified trees
You know evolution ain't paleontology
Transition forms are lackin' -- got a hole up his sleeve
But -- the other option's not fun
So he gonna make you into a man out of that pond scum
This is his religion baby, don't be surprised
That fishy on all fours on his jeep's his messiah
So, let's no fight -- I won't abuse Darwin 'cause that's not nice
And they're gonna keep stallin' and tryin' to prove they're right though
And when you catch on we'll lead you back to the Bible

It sounds like no evidence found (of some hominid)
It sounds like their heads in the ground (who comes from a lizard)
It sounds like they're just too proud (whose mama was a fish)
It sounds quite boneheaded

Romans 1:18-20
The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.


Bad Dad
Parody of "Bad Day" performed and written by Daniel Powter
(2 Kings 16:1-4, 18:1-6, 21:19-24, 22:1-2, 23:25, 2 Chronicles 28:1-4, 29:1-2, 31:20-21, 33:21-25, 34:1-2, 33; Ezekiel 18:14-23; Psalms 27:10; Deuteronomy 24:16; Numbers 26:9-11, 1 Chronicles 9:19)

Where was your father when you need him most?
He picks up and leaves and there's bad things he does
You tell me your bloodline's made that way
You tell me your dad has gone astray
And you don't feel like carryin' on

You're stranded in life 'cause of him and you know
You figure that now there's a curse on your soul
You tell me you'd like me to change your mind
Read all of Ezekiel 18 and find
The child don't need to bear the brunt

'Cause you had a bad dad -- so, baby, what now?
Who said your dad's son just can't turn it around?
In case you don't know -- I'll show you a couple guys
The worst in the Bible -- but the kids were alright
You had a bad break -- your family's gone awry
But calm it back down, baby, really, don't cry
You have a better fate -- You gotta have faith

Well, you need to cruise by Psalms today
The 27th chapter -- what's it say
When dad don't seem to care at all?

'Cause you had a bad dad -- so, baby, what now?
Who said your dad's son just can't turn it around?
In ages long ago -- King Ahaz was a guy
Who's worthless and vile -- but he had Hezekiah
And after that day, King Amon arrived
He brought a black cloud but his kid was Josiah
Who brought a better day (oh, follow me)

Second Kings 16 through 23 shows you how things can turn around
King Ahaz and Amon were bad to the bone
But they had the most righteous sons to be on the throne
Yeah

So where was your daddy when you needed him most?
Oh, you know what?
You need to believe in a Dad you can trust

'Cause you had a bad dad -- so, baby, what now?
Who said your dad's son can't just turn it around?
In Second Chronicles 28 through 35
Ahaz was reviled but they loved Hezekiah
And how about Amon -- he was despised
But, how they revered his son Josiah
He had a better fate -- you gotta have faith
You gotta have faith

Psalm 27:10
Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.


Back in the New Testament
Parody of "Back in the U.S.S.R." performed by the Beatles and written by John Lennon & Paul McCartney (Matthew 5:17, Galatians 3:24-25, 2 Timothy 3:16)

Ooh I finally finished readin' the O-L-D Hebrew Testament last night
All the way I prayed that God would have mercy
Man, I'm glad that we've got Christ
I'm back in the New Testament
You don't know what you got till it's gone, boy
Back in the New Testament

Genesis was long -- I hardly noticed it
Gee, it didn't seem that long
Three weeks later on I'm stuck in Exodus
Wonderin' what the heck went wrong
I'm back in the New Testament
With Matthew, Mark, Luke and then John, boy
Acts of the Apostles, next the Epistles
Last the Apocalypse of John

Well, the Jewish laws came from God's own mouth
Please don't get me wrong
But God's own Son came to live 'em out
He told us that in Ma-ma-matthew 5 verse 17 all along

I'm back in the New Testament
We're only half done with this song, boy
Back in the New Testament

Well, you can't have Jesus Christ without
The Old Testament
The Law was given to point sin out
And lead us all to Christ Galatians 3:24-25, my oh my

Moses' laws, the Psalms and Prophets they all count
Take them as your Daddy's word
Genesis through Malachi I read them all
But admit that I prefer
To be back in the New Testament
You don't know what you got till it's gone, boy
Back in the New Testament

*NOTE: To get this song to rhyme correctly, whenever the word "Testament" appears in the chorus, you should pronounce it like this: "Test-a-MONT," so it sounds kind of French. Try it; it works! When the word appears in the verse, just pronounce it the regular way.

Matthew 5:17
"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them."


Jericho
Parody of "Vertigo" performed and written by U2 (Luke 19:1-9)

Achat, shtayim
Achat, shtayim, shalosh, arba

Christ's in town, the Lord
The trouble is my head, can't see, I'm short
And Jericho is thronged and jammed
I thought I'd climb so high and then I saw
The Man they sought for signs and wonders

Shalom, shalom
I'm at a place called Jericho
My name's Zacchaeus if you didn't know
And the view's really something from this tree, tree

My life is cruel and cold
I've always been a guy who clings to gold
I think of all the times I've robbed and stole
I need a second chance can He save souls?
I'm a man who cheats on taxes he collects
So I guess I've failed -- then Jesus cranes His neck
Sayin' to me, "You there!" Maybe He can use me

Shalom, shalom
I'm at a place called Jericho
He said, Zacchaeus, let's get dinner, bro
But first you need to come down from the tree, tree

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Here we go! Jump in!

All my debts I will now restore
Half of this, I give to the poor
All the rest I give to the Lord
Forgiveness is what I want I know what's it's worth

Shalom, shalom
I'm at a place called Jericho
Christ's in town, and all I know is the Dude's really something
I can feel His love reaching me now
Read Luke 19 you'll see how
Cause He's real! Real!

Luke 19:1-3
Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. A man was there by the name of Zacchaeus; he was a chief tax collector and was wealthy. He wanted to see who Jesus was, but being a short man he could not, because of the crowd.


Superficial
Parody of "Superstition" performed and written by Stevie Wonder
(Isaiah 29:13; Matthew 7:1-5, 15-23; Matthew 13:24-29, 36:43; Matthew 15:7-9; Matthew 23:24-29; Mark 7:1-23)

Very superficial whitewash on the wall
Very superficial letter of the law
There's too much obeying, no one's looking past
Leaven's in the breadbox spreading pretty fast
And do you really think that the Lord judges man on the surface
Superficial change your ways

Ooh, Pharisee official wash your face and hands
Sifting out the small bugs, swallowing a camel
Keep doin' the same things, even though they're wrong
You don't want to change things, you've had 'em so long
When you receive these things that you know come from man
And you're stubborn
Your traditions taint your faith

There is true forgiveness nothing more than grace
Carry your traditions to 29 Isaiah
Thirteenth verse, oh baby, go and look into that
7:6-9 in Mark put it in your past
And do you really think that the Lord judges man on the surface
Superficial change your ways

Mark 7:6-7
He replied, "Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written: 'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men.' You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to the traditions of men."


Humpty Dumpty Country Club
Parody of Honky Tonky Badonkadonk performed by Trace Adkins and written by Dallas Davidson, Randy Houston and Jamey Johnson
(Prov. 16:18; 1 Cor. 10:12; James 3:2, 4:6; Phil. 2:3; 2 Cor. 12:9-10; 1 Peter 5:5-6; 1 Timothy 3:6, 1 John 2:16, Luke 18:9-14)

Butter him up some
All right, boys, this is his favorite sin, you know that's pride
So if we make him good and proud, he might give us a chance again
Oh, he let his guard down -- Here he comes, here he comes
Yep, yep, they get pride and slip

Humpty Dumpty's great fall -- you know it starts at the wall
He was up there 10 feet tall -- didn't want the Lord's help at all
Though they trust in the Lord when they're climbing up the stairs
Sure n'uff pride it makes 'em fall and stumble once they're there

At that Humpty Dumpty Country Club
Keepin' perfect without any help from anyone
Now you're growing strong like old King Kong
But ooh he sure fell down, smacked the sidewalk
Yeah, pride precedes a fall like Goliath long ago
Lord have mercy how do people get to be such snobs
At that Humpty Dumpty Country Club

Now humble meek behavior is what your Father favors
Petty pride-filled strangers are worse than the moneychangers
Glance at chapter 2 of Philippians verse 3
He hates a big ego but loves true modesty

Not that Humpty Dumpty Country Club
Now read in Proverbs 16:18 while I sing this song
God opposes all the cocky dogs
And ooh wee -- bow wow wow -- cats can scare them off
Yeah, pride precedes a fall like the Pharaoh long ago
The Lord has mercy on the weak but just resists the strong
At that Humpty Dumpty Country Club

He don't care about your strength and your religious discipline
How handsome, smart, or brave you are -- you get those gifts from Him
Pride makes everybody crazy -- you think you're feelin' tough
Take the devil as your lesson -- if it looks like you're hot stuff

At that Humpty Dumpty Country Club
Now peek in First Corinthians verse 10:12 and read along
Now you're showing off and walkin' tall
But ooh wee shut your mouth and wipe that grin off
Yeah, pride proceeds a fall, like that cherub long ago
Lord have mercy how'd they all forget your risen Son
At that Humpty Dumpty Country Club

That's it right there boys
That's why we do what we do
They aim for the money
They aim for the glory
They aim for the pretty women
They want in the country club

Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.


Swimmer
Parody of "Slither" performed by Velvet Revolver and written by Saul Hudson, Dave Kushner, Duff McKagan, Matt Sorum & Scott Weiland
(Matthew 8:23-27, Mark 4:35-41, Luke 8:22-25, Matthew 14:24-33, Joel 2:32 Acts 2:21, Romans 10:13)

Hey Hey Hey
When we looked the sea turned gloomy
Got so rough we feared tsunamis
On the boat we'd never seen such tides
Our Lord deep in slumber lingered
Past the point where we might sink we cried
Jesus Christ please save us or we'll die

Then He calmed the waters
The One who hushed the waves can save both you and I
It's time you see
Hey Hey Hey

When the sea was cruel and stormy
Late one night we saw Him walking
On the water, gravity defied
Always eager Simon Peter
Starts to walk but gets cold feet
He cries Jesus Christ please save me or I'll die

When you're on the water
You've got to call His name forsake your foolish pride
It's time you see
That like those others you've got to call the name that saves or else you'll die
Eternally

In the Book you'll see quite clearly
Matthew chapter 8 and 14
Call on the Lord -- whosoever will won't die

When you're underwater
You've got to call the name that saves all humankind
Verse 10:13
In Romans, brother, and Joel 2:32
And Acts 2:21, listen to me

Romans 10:13
for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."


Here I Go (Against All I've Known)
Parody of "Here I Go Again"
Performed by Whitesnake and written by David Coverdale & Bernie Marsden
(John 3:3; Romans 3:10, 3:23, 5:8, 6:23, 10:9, 10:13; Ephesians 2:8-9, 2 Cor. 5:17)

I don't know what I'm doing but I sure know that I've sinned
Hangin' on the precipice with a thousand debts to pay
And I've made up my mind; I ain't waitin' for more signs
Here that story ends, here I'm born again

They love it when you're searching for an answer
They never seem to mind until you think you're sure
Oh, Lord, I pray You give me strength to bear this cross
'Cause I know what this means -- it won't be long they're calling me extreme

Here I go against all I've known
Though I'm down and out I know I'm not alone
Though I've drifted far from shore You're on the boat
And I've made up my mind; I ain't waiting for more signs

I guess You know it's hard for me to trust You
Faith is all stuff we cannot see
But I'm gonna hold on, Lord, and rest in my faith
'Cause I know what I read to walk with God I only need belief

And here I go against all I've known
Though I'm down and out I know I'm not alone
By the Scriptures I was warned so long ago
And I've made up my mind; I ain't waiting for more signs
'Cause here I'm born again, here I'm born again, here I'm born again, here I go

'Cause I know what I need to walk with God, so Lord help me believe

Here I go against all I've known
Though I'm down and out I know I'm not alone
Though I've drifted from you, Lord, I'm walkin' home
And I've made up my mind; I ain't waiting for more signs

And here I go against all I've known
Though I'm down and out I know I'm not alone
All the Scriptures I once scorned I want to know
And I know what this means -- it won't be long they're calling me extreme

Here I go against all I've known
Though I'm down and out I know I'm not alone
Though I've drifted far from shore You're on the boat
And I've made up my mind; I ain't waiting for more signs

1 John 5:13
I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life.


Ephesians
Parody of "The Reason" performed by Hoobastank and written by Douglas Robb, Dan Estrin, Markku Lappalainen, and Chris Hesse
(Ephesians 2:5-10; 2 Timothy 1:9; Titus 3:4-7; Galatians 2:16, 21; Romans 4:16, 5:2, 5:8, 11:5-6; )

I'm not allergic to workin'
But many things religious people do
Are cause they think they're earnin'
A Heaven they must work their way into
But no one has to pay before they go
The Bible wants you to know

I've found salvation is free
And changed why I do good deeds
From readin' I started to do
In Ephesians chapter 2

It's not about our virtue
It's something that's a gift we get through grace
And all the things for good you do
Are just the icing you put on the cake
Ephesians 2:8 makes all that clear
That's why I'm leading you here

I've found Ephesians to read
It changed how I view good deeds
Salvation is not what we do
Are you readin' it too? Are you readin' it too?
Are you readin' it too? Are you readin' it too?

Another perfect person
Was Heaven-sent to do those things for you
And so no one who's saved can ever boast
In any one but the Lord

I've found salvation's a tree
And faith's what you use for seed
But grace is the start of the roots
And good deeds are just fruit
1:9 Second Timothy shows
And Titus 3:5 says it's so
And Romans provides added proof
In 11:6 too

Ephesians 2:8-10
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.


Won't Get Born Again
Parody of "Won't Get Fooled Again" performed by the Who and written by Pete Townshend
(Revelation 13-19; 2 Thessalonians 2; 1 Thessalonians 5:1-3; Romans 11; Zecheriah 12:8-11; Hosea 1:10-11; Zephaniah 1:14-18)

They'll be frightened of the beast
And they still will have no peace
And the hero that they worshipped will be gone
And the man who spurred them on
The one they thought could do no wrong
Is a tyrant a lot like Genghis Khan

A tip I have for the United Nations:
Take a browse through the book of Revelation
Bible says there's a stranger comin' round
Who'll specialize in charm and grace -- pacify every race
But he led all the people astray
Who don't get born again

A savior had to come they knew it all along
But they never read about the one that's false
And the world will bless his name it's a mystery and a shame
'Cause the man that they love won't win the last war
A tip I have for the United Nations:
Think about what you'll do on that occasion
Bible says there's a stranger comin' round
Who'll shoot up like a star in flames can't quite guess his name
But he'll get all the people to pray
Who don't get born again no, no

He'll fool the world when he finally arrives
They'll be happy till they're left out to dry
He'll get all the nations to buy into his lie
But I know that the Israelites won't comply -- Will ya?
LEAD

Yeahhhh!
And nothing is complete till all of Israel is redeemed
It's in Romans verse 11:25
And the Lord will heal the rift
In all the hearts of Israelites
And the people and their God will both unite
A tip I have for the United Nations:
Wake up now to the dude in Revelation
Smile and grin when there's peace all around
(Don't) forget about the price you'll pay there on Judgment Day
When you get on your knees and pray
But won't get born again
Won't get born again no, no
LEAD

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Meet the true God name is Jehovah

2 Thessalonians 2:11-12
For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie and so that all will be condemned who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness.


Want it Dead or Alive
Parody of "Wanted Dead or Alive" performed by Bon Jovi and written by Jon Bon Jovi & Richie Sambora
(Philippians 2:9-11, Romans 14:10-12, Psalm 66:4)

We're all the same, all gonna praise His name
Everything that He's created and made
On Judgment Day in the place where our souls go
You find out now or when you get back home

Find it now boy or you will once you die
Do you want it dead or alive? Want it dead or alive?

The time is late -- so don't procrastinate
The people who wait -- often overestimate
Your time could come today while you dawdle at the brink
The choice is yours alone -- I'm callin' you to think

Find it now boy or you will once you die
Do you want it dead or alive? Want it dead or alive?
Oh, get it right!

But now you want free speech -- you wanna get me off your back
It's plain to see but you might not face the facts
But you'd best prepare for that judgment hall
You've had a million chances so don't drop the ball

Find it now boy or you will once you die
Do you want it dead or alive? Want it dead or alive?
Find it now boy -- you've got the right to decide
Do you want it dead or alive? Dead or alive?
Get it right -- dead or alive
Christ still triumphs -- dead or alive

Philippians 2:10-11
... that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.


Singled You Out
Parody of "Figured You Out" performed by Nickelback and written by Chad Kroeger, Mike Kroeger, Ryan Peake & Ryan Vikedal
(1 Peter 5:8, James 4:7, Hebrews 10:25, Proverbs 18:1, 1 Corinthians 10:12, John 10:10, 2 Corinthians 2:11, Psalm 7:1-2, Psalm 17:11-12, Proverbs 1:32-33)

I like to prance around your street
And I'm like a lion that wants more meat
And I like the wayward selfish sheep
Who are not looking out for me
They're like my favorite thing to eat

And I love to play to their egos
And I love to keep them off their toes
And I love to make them think they know
Too much to fall under control
Of another power not their own

And now I'm going to devour the ones in my power
'Cause I singled you out
(The devil is a roaring lion)
And now I'm going to devour the ones in my power
'Cause I singled you out
(1 Peter says in chapter 5)

I like the fickle ones the best
They like it when their lives stay blest
They like to think they're not possessed
Till I put them to the test
I like when pride stays unconfessed

And I know the way to stack the deck
And I love a good life I can wreck
And I might attack with wealth or sex
While I put doubts in their heads
I love a scandal's chain effect

And now I'm going to devour the ones in my power
'Cause I singled you out
(The devil is a roaring lion)
And now I'm going to devour the ones in my power
'Cause I singled you out
(The devil is a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour)
(He's got to go if you resist)

LEAD

I'm like a panther on your street
And I like a church where no-one meets
And I'm on my way to steal some sheep
Front doors open up for me
They're like my slaves if they're deceived

And I hate the place I have to go
But I'll take some people with me though
And I hate the faithful that say no
To every bald lie that I've told
I hate the power that they hold

And now I'm going to devour the ones in my power
'Cause I singled you out
(The devil is a roaring lion)
And now I'm going to devour the ones in my power
'Cause I singled you out
(The devil is a roaring lion, in chapter 4 of James you'll find)
(He's got to go if you resist)

1 Peter 5:8
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.