Crowd shot masthead ApologetiX Logo Keith Haynie plays bassBill Hubauer plays lead guitarJ. Jackson sings leadJimmy Vegas Tanner plays drums

What songs are on "Singles Group" (2014)?

Here are the lyrics to our 35th CD, "Singles Group" (released in July 2014):

Brush
Parody of "Tush" performed by ZZ Top and written by Billy Gibbons, Dusty Hill & Frank Beard
(Judges 15:1-16:3)

I've been tough on this town
Took their gate tore it down
Wasn't that just too much? mmm
I was bored, let my hair down
I'm just lookin' for a brush

Burned 'em bad, got 'em good
Tied those foxes, firewood
Baby, that was too much mmm
I was bored, let my hair down
I'm just lookin' for a brush
LEAD

Beat them back, with a bone
All by myself, all alone
Maybe that was too much hmmm
I was bored, let my hair down
I'm just lookin' for a brush

Judges 16:3
But Samson lay there only until the middle of the night. Then he got up and took hold of the doors of the city gate, together with the two posts, and tore them loose, bar and all. He lifted them to his shoulders and carried them to the top of the hill that faces Hebron.


Cousin Zephaniah
Parody of "Cuts Like a Knife" performed by Bryan Adams and written by Bryan Adams & Jim Vallance
(Zephaniah 1:1-3:20)

I've been doin' some readin'
A book I'm sure we haven't all searched out
Habakkuk's book precedes it
Haggai's come after -- what a crowd -- yeah
Well, I heard his prophecies
I heard they might have crowned someone he knew -- yeah
Well, who is he, baby?
Who is he? I'll tell you what you need to do ooh yeah
Look at all the prophets and find the guy we know
Could be descended from the throne

Well, he's called Zephaniah
Of the Israelites
Yeah, he's not Zechariah
But he's real close by

The times he lived were changin'
Josiah was a king who'd done some good ooh yeah
But paganism started
Inchin' in with sin as best it could ooh, it could
It wouldn't be the first the time a king had gone astray
But he threw them gods away

Probably 'cause Zephaniah
Yeah, got to King Josiah
Oh, and also Jeremiah
Yeah, probably both guys
Na na na na na na na na na na
Oh, the prophet Zephaniah
Got to King Josiah, baby
Oh, the prophet Zephaniah
Yeah
LEAD

He's the great, great grandson
Of Hezekiah, you know
A good king long ago

So he's cousin Zephaniah
Yeah, to the king, Josiah
So he's cousin Zephaniah
Yeah, to the king, Josiah

Yeah!
Na na na na na na na na na na
Oh, he's cousin Zephaniah
Na na na na na na na na na na
Oh, my, my
Of the Israelites, baby
Na na na na na na na na na na
Ohhhhhh, yeah
He's cousin Zephaniah
Just him and Jeremiah
Na na na na na na na na na na
Yeah, yeah
C'mon, boys -- ohhh!
Na na na na na na na na na na
Zephaniah -- yeahhhhh -- yeah, yeah
Na na na na na na na na NA NA
Yeow, now it's cousin Zephaniah now
Na na na na na na na na na na
Of the Israelites yeah, yeah
Israelites, baby
Na na na na na na na na na na
Now, now, yeah
King Josiah and his cousin Zephaniah
Na na na na na na na na na na
Yeah, yeah

Zephaniah 1:1
The word of the Lord that came to Zephaniah son of Cushi, the son of Gedaliah, the son of Amariah, the son of Hezekiah, during the reign of Josiah son of Amon king of Judah:


Such Impressive Loving Smart Close Friends
Parody of "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" performed by the Beatles and written by John Lennon & Paul McCartney
(Job 1:1-42:17)

It was many years ago, they say
That the devil had a prank to play
He took Job and picked him out a crowd
And took everything he had worthwhile
And then he introduced a group
Of friends he'd known for all those years
Who thought they were his only smart close friends

We're such impressive, loving, smart, close friends
We hope you'll let us join ya, Job
Start confessin' all your darkest sins
'Cause that's just what we need to know
Sorry for you, Job
It's partly 'cause we know we're
Probably your only smart close friends

There's something we can't see here
You're certainly in sin
There must be something wrong with your
Relationship with God because
Of something that you've done

"I don't really wanna talk," said Job
"But I thought you might like to know
That this finger-pointing thing is wrong
And I want you all to leave me alone
So let me be excused from you I want a jury of my peers
And not some petty phony smart close friends!"

We're ... still ... here!

Job 2:11
When Job's three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.



With Little Help From My Friends
"With a Little Help from My Friends" performed by the Beatles and written by John Lennon & Paul McCartney
(Job 1:1-42:17)

What do you think that you're trying to prove
As you gang up and talk down at me?
Bending my ears, accusing me of wrong
With friends like that, who needs enemies?

Oh, I can cry with little help from my friends
Ooh, and ask why with little help from my friends
Ooh, gonna die with little help from my friends

What did I do to deserve such a fate?
(Was it murder or some evil thought?)
How do I deal with the pressure and pain
(Are you sad because you're finally caught?)
No!

Oh, I can cry with little help from my friends
Ooh, and ask why with little help from my friends
Ooh, gonna die with little help from my friends

Did you cheat anybody?
I cheat nobody at all
Did you steal any money?
That wasn't funny at all

Would you agree to a lie detector test?
Yes, I'm certain that I haven't done a crime
What if the police said you had to confess?
I would tell them that they'd lost their minds
Go!

Oh, I can cry with little help from my friends
Ooh, and ask why with little help from my friends
Ooh, gonna die with little help from my friends

Did you beat anybody?
I just keep beating my breast
Do you need an attorney?
I need you to give it a rest

Oh, I can cry with little help from my friends
Ooh, and ask why with little help from my friends
Ooh, gonna die with little help from my friends

Yes, so goodbye, you're little help now my friends
You're little help now my friends
Ah ah ah ah ahhh ah

Job 16:1-2
Then Job replied: "I have heard many things like these; miserable comforters are you all!"


Devil Fell
Parody of "Rebel Yell" performed by Billy Idol and written by Billy Idol and Steve Stevens
(Revelation 12:3-17, Luke 10:18-20, John 10:10, Isaiah 14:12-15, Ezekiel 28:12-17, 2 Corinthians 11:14-15, Galatians 1:8-9; 1 John 4:1-3)

That's right, there is a danger when answering your door
The Bible says that angels can come from another source
He sends them all beaming with false light and false love
Where did they get this brightness? He fell from above

Because
It's the midnight hour, so find the Lord, Lord, Lord
When the devil fell, he cried war, war, war!
Whoa! It's the midnight hour, babe draw your sword
It's in Revel. 12 -- more, more, more, war, war, war!

He don't look unsavory, he don't dress in red
But when you try his roadway it leads to death
John 10:10's creed I want you to read, babe
God'll set you free
You need to hear my plea
CHORUS

You'll think he looks like a gift from Heaven
But check it in Second Corinthians 11
Well, he shines false light to project a glare
Check First John verse 4:1 and don't get unprepared
Hey! Oh!

Christ watched him fall in Luke 10
As lighting strikes it's true
He'll try to sear your brain, men
A trillion trials for you
He'll steal your soul from you, friend
He wants you to burn with him
Why risk it all to have fun, then?
Listen, listen, listen, you have to hear my plea
CHORUS

Beware the devil's angels
They want more
1:8, 9 in Galatians
They want more
More, more, more, more, war!

Revelation 12:9
The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.


Calling Dr. Luke
Parody of "Calling Dr. Love" performed by KISS and written by Gene Simmons
(Colossians 4:14, 2 Timothy 4:11, Philemon 1:24)

You read my stuff baby, all those facts
The Gospel of Luke and the Book of Acts
And did I say I was a Greek M.D.
With a Ph.D. in history

They call me (Dr. Luke)
They call me Dr. Luke (Calling Dr. Luke)
I got the cure right in my book (Calling Dr. Luke)

And even though you're full of sin
It can end if you let Jesus in
He'll make you new there's nothing you need do
You read my stuff and then you'll know it's true
So if you believe, get on your knees
There are no bills this Gospel's free
Baby, I know what your problem is
The first step of the cure is confess

So call me (Dr. Luke)
They call me Dr. Luke (Calling Dr. Luke)
I penned the Gospel of Luke (Calling Dr. Luke)

Hah!
They call me (Dr. Luke)
They call me Dr. Luke (Calling Dr. Luke)
I got the cure right in my book (Calling Dr. Luke)
LEAD

Oooh!
They call me (Dr. Luke)
I penned the Gospel of Luke (Calling Dr. Luke)
I got the cure right in my book (Calling Dr. Luke)
Oooh!
They call me (Dr. Luke)
I penned the Gospel of Luke (Calling Dr. Luke)
I got the cure right in my book (Calling Dr. Luke) Yeah!
Yeahhh!
They call me (Dr. Luke)
They call me Dr. Luke (Calling Dr. Luke)
I got the cure right in my book (Calling Dr. Luke)
Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke (Dr. Luke)
Look, look, look, look (Calling Dr. Luke)
Dr. Luke!
I got the cure right in the (Dr. Luke)
I got the cure right in the (Calling Dr. Luke)
Oh, I got the cure right in my book (Calling Dr. Luke)
They call me Dr. Luke (Dr. Luke)

Colossians 4:14
Our dear friend Luke, the doctor, and Demas send greetings.


Rollin' in the Yeast
Parody of Reelin' in the Years performed by Steely Dan and written by Donald Fagen & Water Becker
(Mark 8:15; Matthew 5:20, 16:6-12; Luke 12:1; 1 Corinthians 15:17-19; Ezekiel 10:13-16; Acts 23:3)

Your Everlasting Father, you can't see no faith in that
So you have to preach on something that you think is more abstract
Well, you wouldn't even know a Bible if you held it in your hands
The things you think impressive I can't understand

Are you rollin' in the yeast
So you can make it rise
Are you fattenin' up the geese
Have you had 'em stuffed with lies
Are you really just a weed
Growin' up late at night
I'll be gatherin' up the sheep
That you've scattered left and right

You've been tellin' me you worshipped Jesus till you were 17
Around that time they told you Christ was only just a dream
They weakened you in college till you turned out like they planned
You think you have some knowledge I can't understand

Are you rollin' in the yeast
So you can make it rise
Are you fattenin' up the geese
Have you had 'em stuffed with lies
Are you reelin' in the fish
Don't even waste your time
You'd be better off than this
If you led a life of crime

I've seen a lot of funny things but never thought I'd find
A Christian wagin' holy war against the Lord divine
After all the things He's done for me I'm fine with what I am
The finks who make like Judas I can't understand

Are you rollin' in the yeast
So you can make it rise
Are you fattenin' up the geese
Have you had 'em stuffed with lies
Are you feelin' unbelief
Throwin' away your life
Are you sad, you Sadducee
Are you mad at Matthew 5

Matthew 16:6
"Be careful," Jesus said to them. "Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees."


I Want That Crown
Parody of "I Won't Back Down" performed by Tom Petty and written by Tom Petty & Jeff Lynne
(1 Corinthians 9:24-27, 2 Timothy 2:5)

Well, I want that crown
So I run track now
Using stamina and I'll pace myself
So I don't pass out

Well, I've planned my route
Won't be runnin' wild
And I'll keep this world from flaggin' me down
'Cause I am God's child
And I want that crown

(I want that crown)
Hey, baby, there ain't no pleasin' the crowd
(I want that crown)
Hey, I -- will stay on my route
And I won't crack now

Well, I focus my
Eyes on just one prize
And I will not keep on lookin' all around
Till the finish line
Got a one-track mind

(My one-track mind)
Hey, baby, read First Corinthians 9
(My one-track mind)
Hey, yeah it's there you'll find
(My one-track mind)
'Bout a one-track mind
LEAD

(I want that crown)
Hey, baby, there ain't no pleasin' the crowd
(I want that crown)
Hey, I -- want that crown
(I want that crown)
Hey, baby, there ain't no pleasin' the crowd
(I want that crown)
Hey, I will stay on my route
(I want that crown)
Till I've won that crown
(I want that crown)
You know, I want that crown


1 Corinthians 9:24-25
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.


Flirtin' with the Pastor
Parody of "Flirtin' with Disaster" performed by Molly Hatchet and written by Danny Joe Brown, Dave Hlubek & Banner Thomas
(Hebrews 10:25, 1 Timothy 5:17-18)

I'm baffled by the folks who like flirtin' with the pastor
It's hard to get 'em through the door and they're hardly comin' after
They're out of money, passed the buck when he took up a collection
Well, how much more must they make before God gets a fraction?

They're flirtin' with the pastor, but they'll go when in need
And then they run and hide till Easter and Christmas Eve
They got a Bible on the shelf but when they gonna read it?
They can't commit time they do for lesser things

They'd rather lay down in their cozy homes
He's still tryin' to drag 'em to Heaven though
They're not tryin' to turn that reverend gray
Seems like they may though anyway
(You know what I'm talkin' about, maybe?)

Sneakin' out on the pastor on Sunday the faithful go 'round and 'round
If they don't like his sermons enough they leave and go crosstown
They want the best in troubadours and they like their funny laughter
And other guys just stay in bed and they wait for the hereafter

Flirtin' with the pastor, y'all, I ain't sure they know what they need
You know the way they run and hide till Easter and Christmas Eve
They got a Bible on the shelf but when they plan to read it?
You can't just live your life through dudes on Christian TV

They'd rather lay down in their home sweet homes
He's still tryin' to drag 'em to Heaven though
Though they might return but never stay
They're flirtin' with the pastor anyway
(And you are too maybe)
(He's prayin' for everybody)
LEAD

Flirtin' with the pastor, babe, they ain't sure what they need
You know the way they run and hide till Easter and Christmas Eve
They got a Bible on the shelf but when they plan to read it?
They cram for this just like they do for SATs

They'd rather lay down in their cozy homes
He's still tryin' to drag 'em to Heaven though
Though the guy's been burned by them, he prays
There's certain things a pastor can't forsake

1 Timothy 5:17-18
The elders who rule well are to be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who work hard at preaching and teaching. For the Scripture says, "You shall not muzzle the ox while he is threshing," and "The laborer is worthy of his wages."


Jezebel
Parody of "Just a Girl" performed by No Doubt and written by Gwen Stefani & Tom Dumont
(1 Kings 16:31, 18:13, 19:1-2, 21:1-25; 2 Kings 9:30-37)

Hey, I just painted up my eyes
And my clothes are a little big in size
Don't you think I need elastic stretch waist bands
My husband's forcing me to wear the pants

'Cause I'm Jezebel I'm Israel's king
So don't tell me that I'm his wife
Yes I'm Jezebel I'm the one who really pulls the strings
So don't tell me 'bout equal rights
Oh ... I'm happy enough right here

The moment that I came from Sidon
So many Hebrews have had to run and hide
Can't do religious things that they hold so dear
It's not the little king that they fear

It's I -- Jezebel -- I'm rather nasty
If they want to survive, they comply
Oh, I'm Jezebel, and the prophets won't preach
'Cause I put them to death when they try
Yes I'm Jezebel throw the Good Book at me
For unbiblical brutal crimes
Oh ... they have a lot to fear
LEAD
Oh ... I can make it myself, dear

Someone just rebelled
I just-a fell hear me yell
There's not much that's left of me

Oh, I'm Jezebel there has been a conspiracy
I took a plunge and I heard a crunch
Oh, I'm Jezebel, where's the rest of me?
Well, I've a hunch dogs just ate me for lunch
Oh, I'm Jezebel my skull's all I see
Elijah's won it's over and done
Oh, I'm Jezebel woe is me
My evil's done it's no fun perishin'*
Oh I've had it, I'm through
Oh It's sad but quite true
Oh I have a lot to fear

*NOTE: In this verse, the word "pershin'" should be pronouced as "per-i-SHUN," so it rhymes with "ones" and "fun."

1 Kings 16:31
He not only considered it trivial to commit the sins of Jeroboam son of Nebat, but he also married Jezebel daughter of Ethbaal king of the Sidonians, and began to serve Baal and worship him.


Some Sign from Above
Parody of "Sunshine of Your Love" performed by Cream and written by Jack Bruce, Pete Brown & Eric Clapton
(Matthew 12:38-40, 16:1-4; Mark 8:11-12; Luke 11:16, John 2:18-22, 4:48, 6:30, 9:1-31, 20:30-31; 1 Corinthians 1:22-24)

It's written in John
When Christ opened blinded eyes
How soon they'd refuse my Lord
He'd given them tons of signs
But people still wanted proof
That Jesus was sent by God our Father

Why's it taking so long
To declare, they told Him
Give us some sign from above

I gave you enough
And one sign will do for you
Yes, I'll give you just one
It's in Jonah, so just read through
The Pharisees start to frown
But it was fulfilled by Jesus risin' up

Why's it taking so long
To declare, they told Him
Give us some sign from above

LEAD

He's given enough
So what kind of proof want you?
Yes, come lift your eyes up
For a moment and you'll see, too
The atheists doubt Him now
And they refuse still to see what Christ was

Why's it taking so long?
Why's it take them so long?
Why's it take them so long
To see what God's shown them
With His Son's sign from above

John 6:30
So they asked him, "What sign then will you give that we may see it and believe you? What will you do?


*******

Communion Ain't Just Bread Now
Parody of "Communications Breakdown" performed by Led Zeppelin and written by John Bonham, John Paul Jones & Jimmy Page
(Matthew 26:26-28, Mark 14:22-24, Luke 22:19-20, 1 Corinthians 11:17-34)

Hey, church, watch what you're doin'
Hey, church, 'cause you're gobbling communion
I don't know why Corinthians like debauchery
But they like it a lot
Ah, don't make me scold you
'Cause I fear you'll come to harm

Communion ain't just bread now
That's all that we're sayin'
Have it in worthy ways now
Try to restrain

Hey, church, when God's Son took the bread and wine, you know
He said -- the wine would tell us that His blood would flow
His body broken like it was bread
I'm never gonna mess with those
Cause I might just die

Corinthians, get this straight now
Or I'll be ashamed
11 in verse 28 now
I'm tryin' to explain
The Loooooooooord's Supper!
LEAD

Communion ain't just bread now
That's all that we're sayin'
Have it in worthy ways now
Try to restrain

Communion ain't just bread now
I want you to quote me on that
I want you to quote me on that
Communion ain't just bread now
Whoa! Whoa!
Communion ain't just bread now
I want you to trust me
I want you to learn
Communion ain't just bread now
I want you to learn
Yeah, I want you to learn
Communion ain't just bread now
Hey, I want you to learn

1 Corinthians 11:28
Everyone ought to examine themselves before they eat of the bread and drink from the cup.

******

Gimme Helper
Parody of "Gimme Shelter" performed the Rolling Stones and written by Mick Jagger & Keith Richards
(John 14:15-26, 15:26-27; Acts 1:4-7, 2:1-13)

Ooooh Ooooh Ooooh
Ooooh Ooooh Ooooh
Ooooh Ooooh Ooooh
Ooooh Ooooh Ooooh

Ooh, well, the Lord has said that
Christ will abide in me
If I don't get the Helper
Today, I'm gonna wait and pray

Lord Jesus, please send Him right away
Please send Him right away
Lord Jesus, please send Him right away
Please send Him right away
Yeahh

Ooh, see the fire appearing
Now over people's heads
Heard mighty wind blow across me
My Lord brought a friend

Lord Jesus, He sends Him out today
He sends Him out today
Lord Jesus, He sends Him out today
He sends Him out today
Yeahhh

LEAD

Pray, brothers!
He's just a shout away, He's just a shout away
Pray, brothers! Yeahh
He's just a shout away, He's just a shout away
Pray, brothers!
He's just a shout away, He's just a shout away
Hey, yeah yeah

Mmmm. well, the Lord is sending
Christ's Spirit right to me
Gives me, gives me a Helper
So, I'm gonna pave the way

Lord Jesus, He's just a shout away
He's just a shout away
He's just a shout away
He's just a shout away
He's just a shout away

I said, the Father, listens
He hears His kids who pray
He gives His gift today
He gives us gifts today
He gives us gifts today
He gives us gifts today, gifts today, gifts today, hey

John 15:26-27 (NASB)
"When the Helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, that is the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father, He will testify about Me, and you will testify also, because you have been with Me from the beginning."