Crowd shot masthead ApologetiX Logo Keith Haynie plays bassBill Hubauer plays lead guitarJ. Jackson sings leadJimmy Vegas Tanner plays drums

What songs are on "You Can't Say Euphrates Without the 80's" (2015)?

Our 42nd CD, You Can't Say Euphrates Without the 80's, was released in December 2015. Here's what's on it:

1. I Dealt with You - I Melt with You - Modern English
2. Could He Choose You - Goody Two Shoes - Adam Ant
3. Nicky - Mickey - Toni Basil
4. I Love Apostle Paul - I Love Rock 'n' Roll - Joan Jett & the Blackhearts
5. Strange Cat, But ... - Stray Cat Strut - The Stray Cats
6. Christ's Wedding - White Wedding - Billy Idol
7. Keep on Loving Ruth - Keep on Loving You - REO Speedwagon
8. Iran (So Far Away) - I Ran (So Far Away) - A Flock of Seagulls
9. I Went in the Stream - Islands in the Stream - Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton
10. Anteater - Maneater - Hall & Oates
11. Faithless Love - Tainted Love - Soft Cell
12. Separate Days (to Worship God) - Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) - Journey


Here are the lyrics:

I Dealt with You
Parody of "I Melt with You" performed and written by Modern English
(Matthew 13:44-46)

Using Your Word, losing all my friends
Placing trust in You I've never second-guessed
I saw the world flashing baubles 'round my face
Never really loved me -- it was always commission-based

I shopped for pearls and dealt with You
You seemed so different and this gem it glitters all the time
That stuffy huge Hope Diamond won't do
I shopped for pearls and dealt with you

(Who would know better?)
I seek a precious prize the kind which never breaks
(You showed me love)
Crafted in place of those sad generic fakes
(Who could do better?)
I made a pilgrimage my savings to exchange
(You took me up)
Never have regretted that day from long gone by
(That I shopped for pearls, shopped)

I shopped for pearls and dealt with You
(Yeah, shopped for pearls, shopped)
You've seen the Scriptures and it's Matthew 13:45
(Yeah, shopped for pearls, shopped)
There's nothing new that I want too
(Yeah, shopped for pearls, shopped)
I shopped for pearls and dealt with you

The jeweler knows the price

(Yeah, shopped for pearls, shopped)
I shopped for pearls and dealt with You
(Yeah, shopped for pearls, shopped)
Why deal with strangers when the gem Inventor's on the line
(Yeah, shopped for pearls, shopped)
That's something humankind won't do
(Yeah, shopped for pearls, shopped)
I shopped for pearls and dealt with you

My future hope is Christ
Hmmmm Hmmmm Hmmmm Hmmmm

I shopped for pearls and dealt with You
(Yeah, shopped for pearls, shopped)
Truth gleams and glistens and now Heaven's gates are open wide
(Yeah, shopped for pearls, shopped)
That's something human eyes won't view
(Yeah, shopped for pearls, shopped)
I shopped for pearls and dealt with you
(Yeah, shopped for pearls, shopped)
I shopped for pearls and dealt with you
(Yeah, shopped for pearls, shopped)
I shopped for pearls and dealt with you
(Yeah, shopped for pearls, shopped)
I shopped for pearls and dealt with you

Matthew 13:45-46
"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it."


Could He Choose You
Parody of "Goody Two Shoes" performed by Adam Ant and written by Adam Ant & Marco Pirroni
(John 15:16, Titus 3:5, James 3:2)

Well, it's so hard being chosen
So much you can't try
It's only Jesus' grace that saves us
It surely ain't 'cause we're good guys inside
If the Lord God spoke it
Just trust in the quote
Said the Savior knows you, chose you
I can tell you doubt though, now though

Could He choose, could He choose, could He, could He choose you
Could He choose, could He choose, could He, could He choose you
You don't think, you don't know God's using you
You don't think, you don't know God's using you
Somehow even when you fall though
God sees something inside

We all fall to passions
That's the way it goes
You know that God has said that, read that
So everyone is in the same boat
Well, I saw what you needed
John 15:16
Open up your Bible, my bro
Read James 3:2 and Titus 3:5 please

Could He choose, could He choose, could He, could He choose you
Could He choose, could He choose, could He, could He choose you
You don't think, you don't know God's using you
You don't think, you don't know God's using you
Somehow in the end you'll find out
Just keep trusting in Christ

No one's gonna tell me that God is not right
Or tell me those that He'd pick we'd pick
The crowd rejected His child Jesus Christ

When God comes and tells you
You're His then you are
'Cause He's the Lord who called out Gideon
Just think of David, Moses, and Paul

If the Lord God spoke it
Just trust in the quote
Said the Savior knows you, chose you
Why'd you go and doubt that now though?

John 15:16
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.


Nicky
Parody of "Mickey" performed by Toni Basil and written by Mike Chapman & Nicki Chinn
(John 3:1-21, 7:50-52, 19:39)

Oh, Nicky, you're so blind
Open wide your soul and mind, hey Nicky, hey Nicky
Oh, Nicky, you're so blind
Open wide your soul and mind, hey Nicky, hey Nicky
Oh, Nicky, you're so blind
Open wide your soul and mind, hey Nicky

Hey, Nicky
You come around at night and ask about the Law
You like to talk to Christ 'cause you think He comes from God
Why can't you see the light so you can teach them all, Nicky?
The wind blows where it wills and no one sees it blow
The same with those He fills they believe, they just know
Every night you still leave with heart of stone, Nicky

O, Nicky, what a pity, you don't understand
Salvation's kind of hard when you ain't been born again
No, Nicky, there's some things you can't do as a man
But God likes you, Nicky
He'll help you through, Nicky, through Nicky
Open your heart, Nicky

Hey, Nicky
Now when you take these Bible truths
Then you're gonna know
Every time you do you'll get a little more shown
There's nothing to confuse
So don't play dumb, Nicky
So come on now, Nicodemus, anybody can
Any man or woman who believes is born again
The breeze in the trees still leaves its evidence, Nicky

O, Nicky, what a pity, you don't understand
Salvation's kind of hard when you ain't been born again
No, Nicky, there's some things you can't do as a man
But God likes you, Nicky
He'll help you through, Nicky, through Nicky
Open your heart, Nicky

Oh, Nicky, you're so blind
Open wide your soul and mind, hey Nicky, hey Nicky
Oh, Nicky, you're so blind
Open wide your soul and mind, hey Nicky, hey Nicky
Oh, Nicky, you're so blind
Open wide your soul and mind, hey Nicky

O, Nicky, what a pity, you don't understand
Salvation's kind of hard when you ain't been born again
No, Nicky, there's some things you can't do as a man
But God likes you, Nicky
He'll help you through, Nicky, through Nicky
Open your heart, Nicky

O, Nicky, John 3:3 through 21 expands
You take this all to heart and you'll take the Promised Land
O, Nicky, 7:50 there in John again
We find out you, Nicky
Still want the truth, Nicky, truth, Nicky
Open your heart, Nicky

Oh, Nicky, John 19 verse 39 I scanned
You play a vital part in the Savior's burial plan
Oh, Nicky, when it's finished then you'll understand
What God must do, Nicky
He loves you, too, Nicky, too, Nicky
Open your heart, Nicky

O, Nicky, what a pity, you don't understand
Salvation's kind of hard when you ain't been born again

John 3:3
In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again."


I Love Apostle Paul
Parody of "I Love Rock 'n Roll" performed by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts and written by J. Hooker & A. Merrill
(Acts 9:1-30, 2 Timothy 4:6-8)

I saw him standin' there writin' letters in chains
I knew he once had been a proud Pharisee
His faith was kind of strong
In God's favorite Son
And I could tell he didn't belong in prison with me, yeah me
And I could tell he didn't belong in prison with me, yeah me
Singin'

I love Apostle Paul
He put a lotta lines in the Good Book baby
I love Apostle Paul
From Romans into Philemon yes indeed

Whoa!

He smiled, so I got up and asked "Were you framed?"
"Well, that don't matter," he said, "'cause I'm not ashamed"
"For Jesus to take me home I need to be in Rome"
When execution comes you'll see I'll be free, yeah free
When execution comes you see, I'll be free indeed
Singin'

I love Apostle Paul
He put a lotta lines in the Good Book baby
I love Apostle Paul
From Romans into Philemon yes indeed

Whoa!

LEAD

His letters won't take you long You need to read them all
So let's get movin' on and read 'em with me, yeah me
And we'll review them all and see what became of Paul
(In Second) Timothy
Singin'

I love Apostle Paul
He put a lotta lines in the Good Book baby
I love Apostle Paul
From Romans into Philemon yes indeed

I love Apostle Paul
He put a lotta lines in the Good Book baby
I love Apostle Paul
So c'mon take a Bible lesson

I love Apostle Paul
He put a lotta lines in the Good Book baby
I love Apostle Paul
So c'mon take a Bible lesson

I love Apostle Paul
He put a lotta lines in the Good Book baby
I love Apostle Paul
So c'mon take a Bible lesson

I love Apostle Paul
He put a lotta lines in the Good Book baby
I love Apostle Paul
From Romans into Philemon yes indeed

2 Timothy 1:8
"So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God ..."


Strange Cat, But
Parody of "Stray Cat Strut" performed by The Stray Cats and written by Brian Setzer
(Matthew 5:11-12; 1 Peter 2;12, 4:3-4; James 1:23-25)

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Jackson, you're a strange cat isn't John intense?
Thank God above, though, for crazy friends
Guys crack jokes but I don't care
I trust my Bible and they're in my prayers

Strange cat, but I believe He's right
I've a feeling that you know it way down inside
When the truth's shone at you from the mirror, man
Rescues sinners from the garbage can

Meow! Yeah
Yeah, don't talk like that!

I know the Father's grace in Christ abounds oh, I know!
I've been down and out and lookin' for the light
How He found me, who knows? I was not somewhere nice
Speakin' the truth while the fraidy cats whine (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)
I'm a strange cat but the real God's mine (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)
I wish guys would heed that friendly advice (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)
But I got cat-scratched and I got chastised
LEAD

I know the Father's grace in Christ abounds
I've been down and out and lookin' for the light
Hallelujah to my Lord He's awesome and nice!
Speakin' the truth while the fraidy cats whine (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)
I'm a strange cat but the real God's mine Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)
I wish guys could see that they're bein' unwise (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)
But I got cat-scratched and I got chastised

1 Peter 4:3-4
For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. They are surprised that you do not join them in their reckless, wild living, and they heap abuse on you.


Christ's Wedding
Parody of "White Wedding" performed and written by Billy Idol
(Revelation 19:6-21; Matthew 9:14-15, 22:1-14, 25:1-13; Mark 2:18-20; Luke 5:33-35, John 3:29)

They will insist that God's one true Son
May have been hitched to Mary Magdalene
Hey, use the Scriptures to refute them and
They will resist and choose just what they want
Hey, they resisted God's Son

Here's what I'd say to startle them:
"It's a nice day for Christ's wedding"
It's a nice way to startle them

Hey, little Christian, who will the Lord wed?
(Ooh ooh ooh)
Page through the Scriptures, quote your passages
(Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh)
Read Revelation 19:6-9
Read Revelation chapter 21
Verse 9 and 10 will shock them

Here's what I'd say to startle them:
"It's a nice day for Christ's wedding"
It's a nice way to startle them! Oh!
LEAD

Pick it up! Take the Bridegroom's Word

Hey, little Christian, God's one true Son
(Ooh ooh ooh)
Gave us a list to do before He comes
(Go into all of the world and tell everyone)
Christ's been away for so long (So long)
Christ's wedding day will still come (Still come)
Christ let you know so hold on

Here's what I'd say to startle them:
"C'mon, it's a nice day for Christ's wedding"
It's a nice way to startle them! Oh!


There is not just one single girl
He marries all men saved from this world
And there's nothing pure on this earth
But the sovereign Lord loves His church
And He's comin' back, so let's work
Startle them!
C'mon, it's a nice day for Christ's wedding!
Whoa! It's a nice way to startle them!
It's a nice way to startle them!
It's a nice way to startle them!

Revelation 21:9-10
One of the seven angels who had the seven bowls full of the seven last plagues came and said to me, "Come, I will show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb." And he carried me away in the Spirit to a mountain great and high, and showed me the Holy City, Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God.


Keep on Loving Ruth
Parody of "Keep on Loving You" performed by REO Speedwagon and written by Kevin Cronin
(Ruth 1:1-4:22)

You should have seen a Bible book with my wife's name-y
There was something written
She could have been known as a Moabite boy's lady
But she switched religions
And the place we met I can never forget
A stretch of land Salmon my dad had stored up for his son

And though I know I'm a much older man
Still that don't offend her
'Cause she was once married way before then
And she's still so tender
Ruth and I met after her guy was dead
When she said that she'd follow and stand by his mother forever

And I'm gonna keep on lovin' Ruth
'Cause she's Naomi's single daughter, too
I don't wanna reap
I just wanna keep on lovin' Ruth
LEAD

And I said, that's the girl I'll wed
When she said, man, I'd love you to stand as my kinsman redeemer

And I'm gonna keep on lovin' Ruth
'Cause it's a Boaz thing; it's what I do
I am not a creep
I just wanna keep on lovin' Ruth (ooh ooh)

Baby, I'm gonna keep on lovin' Ruth
'Cause little Obed needs his father, too
I know talk is cheap (I know talk is cheap)
I'm just gonna keep on lovin' Ruth ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ruth 3:10-11
""The Lord bless you, my daughter," he replied. "This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor. And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All the people of my town know that you are a woman of noble character.


Iran (So Far Away)
Parody of "I Ran (So Far Away)" performed and written by A Flock of Seagulls
(Daniel 5:1-30, Romans 8:28)

In Babylon they never knew
They never thought defeat could come so soon
From Media-Persian troops
The prophet Daniel prophesied
That final night and history finds him true
And this uprising grew

In Iran Iran so far away
God has plans that man cannot escape
They couldn't get away

From God appeared a hovering hand
It seemed to write divine inspired clues
A sign of final doom
The crowd was moved with fear until
The horrors of reality ensued
And warriors broke through

From Iran Iran so far away
God has plans that man cannot escape
They couldn't get away

See now the hand of God in fate
You know it's His that's steering what men do
His Spirit summons you
Read now in Daniel 5 again
And know that in the deep of night He moved
Through Media-Persian troops

From Iran Iran so far away
God has plans that man cannot escape
From Iran Iran so far away
God has plans but Romans 8:28

Daniel 5:5
Suddenly the fingers of a human hand appeared and wrote on the plaster of the wall, near the lampstand in the royal palace. The king watched the hand as it wrote.


I Went in the Stream
Parody of "Islands in the Stream" performed by Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton and written by Barry, Robin & Maurice Gibb
(Colossians 2:11-12; Romans 6:3-4; 1 Peter 3:18-22; 1 Corinthians 1:13-17; Matthew 3:13-6, 28:19-20, Ephesians 2:8-9)

Baby, when I mentioned 'bout the peace I've known
I said don't forget that if you find truth shown
Don't just toss it aside, carelessly ignoring God
You do something to repent and then you'll change
Drawing closer and you'll feel so strange
When you give Him your heart
Jesus comes and grows a crop
Tending to this vine it requires a bit of patience
All the stuff we feel He knows converts face it
He guides us to Heaven uh huh
Taking us to His Father -- uh huh

I went in the stream
And it washed me off
No one else can clean
Like my Jesus does
There's one Way for me
You and all the world
And we rely on His Father, uh huh
And One Other you'll discover, uh huh

I can never add to what the Lord has done
Everything is nothing without God's own Son
And you can walk in the light
Knowing He's inside as your real king
But baptism we do as the way God showed how
To make a public statement no one doubts
And we're just making clear
It's a symbol here of the real thing

No more will you die
There's a tie this world can't sever
We start again as sons and live forever
Jesus guides us to Heaven, uh huh
Taking us to His Father, uh huh

I went in the stream
And it washed me off
Romans 6 verse 3
4,5 read it all
Don't put faith in me
You look up the words
3:21 in First Peter, yourself
And Colossians 2:11 and 12

Saved by grace
Oh, and we're saved through faith, sing with me

I went in the stream
And it washed me off
Verse 1:17
First Corinthians
Matthew 3:15
You look up the words
That Jesus Christ humbly uttered, uh huh
As He walked into the water, uh huh

I went in the stream
And They washed me off
Holy Trinity
In the name of God
28:19
You know Matthew's words
It's Jesus Christ and His Father, uh huh
And One Other you'll discover, uh huh

I went in the stream
And it washed me off
No one else can clean

Matthew 28:19-20
"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."


Anteater
Parody of "Maneater" performed by Daryl Hall & John Oates and written by Daryl Hall, John Oates, & Sara Allen
(Genesis 2:19-20)

You know that poor Adam tried
He named a hundred types
Nothing he viewed he'd seen or heard before
Watching and waiting
Like a kid in a zoo
Of surprises from the Lord

Some animals came, you see
Ducks and pigs and geckos and fleas
The wolf and the cow, the sheep and elephant, the worm and jaguar
Monkeys and rabbits
But he didn't know what to make of what next he saw

Oh, here she comes
What's that, boy? Go cue it up
Oh, here she comes
She's an anteater
Oh, here she comes
What's that, boy? Go cue it up
Oh, here she comes
She's an anteater

She wouldn't devour you
Or those who eat ants, too
But she's death to ants
And she could really rip their world apart
Find her an anthill
Ooh, her food is in there
And the feast begins to start

Oh, here she comes
What's that, boy? Go cue it up
Oh, here she comes
She's an anteater
Oh, here she comes
What's that, boy? Go cue it up
Oh, here she comes
She's an anteater
SAX SOLO

Ooooh ooooh
Oh, here she comes (Here she comes)
What's that, boy? Go cue it up
Oh, (here she comes) (What's that?)
She's an anteater
Oh, (here she comes) (She's an anteater)
Ooh ooh, so true you are
Oh, here she comes
Here she comes -- she's an anteater
Oh, here she comes (What's that?)
I know they'll pronounce it right ooh ooh
Oh, here she comes
Here she comes -- she's an anteater oh oh
Oh, here she comes (She's an anteater)
Just look at the snout whooo!
Oh, here she comes
Here she comes
What's that boy? What's that boy?
Oh, here she comes
Ohhh, what's that? What's that? What's that? What's that?
Oh, here she comes Yeah heh (What's that?)
An Anteater
Oh, here she comes (She's an anteater)
What should we name it? Woo ohh
Oh, here she comes
Ohhh, she's an anteater!

Genesis 2:19
Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.


Faithless Love
Parody of "Tainted Love" performed by Soft Cell and written by Ed Cobb
(Proverbs 27:5-6, Galatians 4:16)

Sometimes I feel I've got too much to say
I've got to set 'em straight
But it's painful tryin' to live in harmony
The stuff we share
(Whoa oh oh oh)
Seems to draw cold stares
It might cost my life
For I watched them turn against Jesus Christ

What's a man to do?
(A man)
No one wants the truth
It's faithless love they're craving
I tell them all the Lord could save them
Take their sins but that's not been enough
Faithless love
(Woah oh oh oh)
Faithless love

Now I know I've got to run the race
I've got to get in shape
They don't really want to hear more from me
They say things like
We need someone who's more polite
And they think God preaches hate
But I'm sorry -- I won't forsake my faith

What's a man to do?
(A man)
No one wants the truth
This state without religion
Forbids us all to voice opinions
Save for theirs and that's not fair at all
Faithless love
(Woah oh oh oh)
Facebook love

Don't trust free speech
They cannot stand the way you preach
But names will never hurt me though
Now they're going to grab their sticks and stones

Faithless love (woah oh oh oh)
Faithless love (woah oh oh oh)
Faithless love (woah oh oh oh oh)
Faithless love (woah oh oh oh oh)
Crush me, babe, with (crush me, baby) faithless love
Crush me, babe, with (crush me, baby) faithless love
Faithless love (woah oh oh oh)
Faithless love (woah oh oh oh)
Faithless love
Faithless love

Galatians 4:16
Have I now become your enemy by telling you the truth?


Separate Days (to Worship God)
Parody of "Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)" performed by Journey and written by Jonathan Cain & Steve Perry
(Colossians 2:16-17; Romans 14:5-6; Galatians 4:9-11; Exodus 20:8-11; Deuteronomy 5:12-15; Mark 2:27-28; Matthew 11:28, 12:8; Luke 6:5; John 20:1, 19, 26; Acts 2:46, 20:7; 1 Corinthians 16:2; 2 Corinthians 9:12; Revelation 1:10; Hebrews 4:9-11)

Jewish men worship God how Moses said to do do
Friday nights at sundown they keep the Sabbath rule through and through
Is the Sabbath gone or changed in Christ?
Did Christians get it wrong?
They revised the time wonder why?

Sunday was their time to
Break bread, pray, and find truth
'Cause Christ rose then, mind you
So they switched and went on separate days
If Hebrews chapter 4's searched through
You'll learn what His church knew
You'll know, Christ will show you
How we rest in Him as our Sabbath day

Troubled minds
Ought to read Galatians 4 and pray, pray, pray
14:5
Romans says each day can be the same when framed in faith
If you trust God, then it's enough
2:16 Colossians
Makes clear, my love
Listen up!

Sundays are still fine to
Praise God, preach, and tithe, too
'Cause Christ rose then, mind you
Go to First Corinthians, check this page
Sixteenth chapter, verse 2
Ooh, look -- Sunday church group
You, though, might still want proof
Go to Acts verse 20:7, babe
LEAD

Sunday's a chill time to
Take close friends and find pews
'Cause Christ rose then, mind you

If we have this attitude
11:28 Matthew
You know, Christ's our Sabbath, too

Christ's still Lord of all
Even the Sabbath law
And if you check in Matthew
12:8 you'll find that's true
Go!

Romans 14:5-6
One many considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.