Crowd shot masthead ApologetiX Logo Keith Haynie plays bassBill Hubauer plays lead guitarJ. Jackson sings leadJimmy Vegas Tanner plays drums

What songs are on "Minor League" (2016)?

Our 44th CD, Minor League, was released in June 2016. Here's what on it:

1. Hosea Josie Steely Dan
2. It's Still Got the Joel You Need It's Still Rock and Roll to Me Billy Joel
3. Amos Layla Derek and the Dominos
4. Obed-Edom, Obadiah Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da The Beatles
5. Man on the Run Band on the Run Paul McCartney & Wings
6. Micah Rock On David Essex
7. What's in Nahum What's Your Name Lynyrd Skynyrd
8. Reading Habakkuk Radioactive The Firm
9. Cousin Zephaniah Cuts Like a Knife Bryan Adams
10. Haggai Led the Way Baby, I Love Your Way Peter Frampton
11. The Man They Call Zechariah Magic Carpet Ride Steppenwolf
12. Malachi Abacab Genesis

Here are the lyrics:

Hosea
Parody of "Josie" performed by Steely Dan and written by Walter Becker & Donald Fagen
(Hosea 1:1-3:5, Romans 9:25-26)

We're gonna shake up the Bible users
'Cause Hosea loves Gomer
We're gonna cheer up the lonesome losers
'Cause Hosea loves Gomer
Hey, but Gomer's walkin' the street
She oughta be in Vegas
No doubt you can't say the girl hates men
Lays down for all her wages
But Hosea loves Gomer

Though Hosea loves Gomer
She's no good
She's a wife with a wayward look
She's the wrong dame for nice guys
She strays like a pony with her bridle untied

Blow up the wedding chapel
She'll never stay home, no
Line up your baddest apples
She'll take 'em all out tonight
She never misses a beat
Like all the woeful Israelites
Ran after false gods the world gave them
She doesn't care it's not right
But Hosea loves Gomer

Though Hosea loves Gomer
She's so bad
She's got kids that have different dads
She's a darn shame -- a wildfire
A brazen type of woman with a price on hire
LEAD

But Hosea loves Gomer
He's so good
He provides like the Savior would
Things will all change -- when Christ arrives
The days like in Romans chapter 9:25

Hosea 1:2
When the Lord began to speak through Hosea, the Lord said to him, "Go, marry a promiscuous woman and have children with her, for like an adulterous wife this land is guilty of unfaithfulness to the Lord."


It's Still Got the Joel You Need
Parody of "It's Still Rock and Roll to Me" performed and written by Billy Joel
(Joel 1:1-3:21; Revelation 9:3-9, 16:16)

What's the matter with the quotes I'm sharin'?
Can't you tell that your guy's too dry
Babe, I'm not some kind of old, drab scholar
Well, but that dude's from ancient times
Yeah, but you should try him out, baby, really
You can't just trash him till you've read him or you're silly
Yeah, the Bible doesn't have a dude named Billy
But it's still got the Joel you need

Once the man predicted Armageddon
Can you us tell that without a smile?
What he said back then was quite inspired
It's a concept we've been hearin' a while
Now it is, but it was new then to them, though
And, yes, verse 2:32's monumental
God wants your trust even if there's locusts
It's still got the Joel you need

Ohhhh, there was man between Hosea and Amos
And there's locusts in his famous scene
Maybe you'd abandon town, but you can't get around
What the Lord predicts in chapter 3
Ain't Armageddon extreme?

How about a prayer to fix our blindness
And deprive our arrogance?
Well, you should really read what Joel promised, baby
Would you just give Him half a chance?
Don't waste your money on your shoes, status seekers
You get more value from a sheep-shearin' preacher
Just pray, He'll save, that's great, anyway
It's still got the Joel you need
Ooooooooooh hoo!

What's the matter with that crowd I'm seein'
Don't you know that's the sound of tongues?
What did Simon Peter say they was doin'?
Said you're wrong if you think they're drunk
Go to Joel in chapter two that's the one he
Told us we should look at 'cause Joel saw it coming
It's the last days hooray -- verse 2:28
It's still got the Joel you need
Yeah, the Bible doesn't have a dude named Billy
But it's still got the Joel you need

Joel 3:2
"I will gather all nations and bring them down to the Valley of Jehoshaphat. There I will put them on trial for what they did to my inheritance, my people Israel, because they scattered my people among the nations and divided up my land."


Amos
Parody of "Layla" performed by Derek and the Dominos and written by Eric Clapton & Jim Gordon
(Amos 7:10-17)

Now what are you doin' here, you loony?
Well, nobody made you prophesy
You'd better run -- you'll die unless you don't
You know you're just some foolish guy

Amos -- go back to watchin' sheep
Amos -- stop makin' prophecies
Amos -- are you gonna heed these words of mine?

So why'd you preach to a foreign nation
When your own land is just due south?
Goodbye, you fool
Don't tell us what to do
Or Jeroboam will cut you down

Amos -- go back to watchin' sheep
Amos -- and sycamore-fig trees
Amos -- are you gonna heed my words or die?

We're a successful civilization
And our economy's goin' great
So please don't say
Another word today
About our moral lapse and faith

Amos -- go back to watchin' sheep
Amos -- stop makin' prophecies
Amos -- are you gonna heed these words of mine?
Amos -- go back to watchin' sheep
Amos -- and sycamore-fig trees
Amos -- are you gonna heed my words or die?

Amos 7:12-13
Then Amaziah said to Amos, "Get out, you seer! Go back to the land of Judah. Earn your bread there and do your prophesying there. Don't prophesy anymore at Bethel, because this is the king's sanctuary and the temple of the kingdom."


Obed-Edom, Obadiah
Parody of "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" performed by the Beatles and written by John Lennon & Paul McCartney
(Obadiah 1:1-2, 1:10; Malachi 1:2-4; Amos 1:11-12)

Deep inside the Bible you can mark the place
Smallest book in the Old Testament
There you'll find the prophet Obadiah's space
And if at first you do not see him, try again

Obed-Edom, Obadiah, why so small, bro?
Smallest prophet of them all
Obed-Edom, Obadiah, why so small, bro?
Smallest prophet of them all

Edom tried to polish off the Jews for sure
Why? Because of their old rivalry
Every time a foreign army came for war
Against Jerusalem the Edomites would sing

"Oh, bad Edom," Obadiah prophesied, "Bro
Now you're gonna have to fall!"
"Oh, bad Edom," Obadiah prophesied, "Bro
Now you're gonna have to fall!"

In a couple of years, they will tear you down, Edom
And Jehovah will teach you there is a price
For messin' with those He loves

Happy ever after in the modern days
Israel's back inside the Promised Land
Edomites have disappeared without a trace
And as for Edom it's just mostly desert sand

Too bad, Edom, Obadiah tried to warn ya
God was watchin' after all
Too bad, Edom, Obadiah tried to warn ya
God was watchin' after all

In a couple of years, they will tear you down, Edom
And Jehovah will teach you there is a price
For messin' with those He loves
Happy ever after in the modern days
Israel's back inside the Promised Land
Edomites have disappeared without a trace
And as for Edom it's now somewhere in Jordan

Too bad, Edom, Obadiah tried to warn ya
God was watchin' after all
Too bad, Edom, Obadiah tried to warn ya
God was watchin' after all
And if you've got some time, then go read Obadiah

*NOTE: Obed-Edom and Obadiah are two biblical names that don't have much to do with each other, except for the fact that they sound cool together. However, Obed-Edom means "servant of Edom," and in a sense, Obadiah was a servant of Edom, because he served them a prophecy of impending judgment from the Lord.

Obadiah 1:10
Because of the violence against your brother Jacob, you will be covered with shame; you will be destroyed forever.


Man on the Run
Parody of "Band on the Run" performed by Paul McCartney & Wings and written by Paul & Linda McCartney
(Jonah 1-3; Nahum 1:1-3, 1:9)

Stuck inside this poor whale sittin' by his liver
Where is Jacques Cousteau at times like this?
Why you Jonah? You Jonah? You?

If I ever get out of here goin' to Nineveh today
With the message You shared with me
I'll let You have the final say
If I ever get out of here (If You let me get out of here)

Well, the waves exploded and they thought we'd crash
As we sailed into the storm
And the first mate said to go check in my bed
I hope I wasn't snorin'
Man on the run, man on the run
As he came to my bed, the sailor said
"We're searching every bunk
For the man on the run the man on the run
The man on the run the man on the run"

Well, no one would take and throw me in the tide
Till I told them that they must
And a whale was swimming -- it had been prepared
For the rabbi on the run
Man on the run, man on the run
And the day I ran, a whale was sent
To burp when I succumbed
As a man on the run man on the run

Yeah, the man on the run man on the run
Man on the run, man on the run

Well, it's nice of God to send this blessed whale
'Cause then I didn't drown
In the town of Nineveh I said, Repent!
And my message was profound
Man on the run, man on the run
And the town that was
Re-bell-i-ous
Returned to serve the Lord
Like the man on the run, the man on the run
The man on the run, the man on the run

Jonah 1:3
But Jonah ran away from the LORD and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the LORD.


Micah
Parody of "Rock On" performed and written by David Essex
(Micah 4:5, 5:1-4, 6:6-8, 7:5-7; Matthew 2:1-12, Jeremiah 26:17-19)

Hey, kids, you ought to know Micah -- ooh why so?
Hey, kids, he looked into the future
Hey, check out, Micah 5:2
Look up the town in the clues he gave you
Hey, kids, you ought to go to Micah

And where do we go from here?
Bethlehem, babe, that's clear
Still looking for that new thing -- a baby king
Frankincense, gold, and myrrh they bring
The escape route they use was seen -- in a dream
Praise be!

And where do we go from here?
6:8 it makes it clear He's looking for a
Few things basically -- living justly and mercif'lly
With a faithful humility
Gimme these gimme these

Micah! Micah! Micah!
(Hey, kids, you ought to know) Micah!
(Hey, kids, you ought to know) Micah!
(Heyyyyyyyy, kids, you ought to know) Micah!
(Heyyyyyyyy, kids, you ought to know) Micah!
(Heyyyyyyyy, kids, you ought to know) Micah!
(Heyyyyyyyy, kids, you ought to know) Micah!
(Heyyyyyyyy, kids, you ought to know) Micah!
(Heyyyyyyyy, kids, you ought to know) Micah!

Micah 6:6-8
He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.


What's in Nahum
Parody of "What's Your Name" performed by Lynyrd Skynyrd and written by Gary Rossington & Ronnie Van Zant
(Jonah 1:1-2, 3:1-10; Nahum 1:7-9, 2:1-13, 3:18-19)

Well, if there's any spot in the Bible I don't know
It's all those little prophets in between the New and Old
I've done made some friends with the major prophet types
But not those little teeny guys, so I should read 'em twice

What's in Nahum Nineveh -- what's in Nahum?
Should I explain did ya know what the dude was sayin'?

Back in the Old Testament when God was upset
He'd send them one of His crew there like Jonah to utter a threat ah yes
When the folks who sinned He was angry about wouldn't change
The Lord sent someone else there and had 'em make His plan plain

What's in Nahum Nineveh -- what's in Nahum?
Should I explain did ya know all his ancient claims
What's in Nahum Nineveh -- what's in Nahum?
Should I explain did ya know what the dude was sayin'?

Ohhhh, yeah!
LEAD

What's in Nahum Nineveh -- what's in Nahum?
Should I explain did ya know what the dude was sayin'?

Nineveh was nasty and repented before
But after 612 B.C. well, there was no more hope, oh nope!
And Nahum said the attack would come -- it sure was planned
And Ninevah, my dear, it's clear they'll never see you again

What was in Nahum Nineveh -- what's in Nahum?
Should I explain did ya know all his ancient claims
What was in Nahum Nineveh -- what's in Nahum?
Should I explain did ya know what the dude was sayin'?

Woo!

Nahum 1:9
Whatever they plot against the Lord he will bring to an end; trouble will not come a second time.


Reading Habakkuk
Parody of "Radioactive" performed by The Firm and written by Paul Rodgers
(Habakkuk 1:1-2:4, 2:13-14, 3:16-19; Romans 1:17, Galatians 3:11, Hebrews 10:38; Acts 13:41)

Well, he prophesied -- something unexpected
Turning on the light -- 'cause I'm a-reading Habakkuk, reading Habakkuk

Babylon would fight (ha!) -- and take all them captive
What a rude surprise for even Habakkuk, even Habakkuk

My Lord, I'm plain confused
Why don't You make a move?
He said, I won't delay their doom -- and I want you to know

God controls men's fate -- won't be inactive
Turning wrong to right -- go on waiting Habakkuk, waiting Habakkuk
LEAD

Reading Habakkuk, reading Habakkuk

My Lord, I'll wait for You
I don't want to complain to You
I want just to pray this through -- and I watch for You and know

Righteous live by faith -- both preached and practiced
Learn the truth tonight -- from reading Habakkuk
Oh yeah! Oh, yeah-eh-yay-yeah
Ohhhhhh yeah reading Habakkuk -- mmmmm mmmmm
Won't you check --- verse 2:4 -- you'll like that, kids huh
Go check 2:4 -- baby reading Habakkuk oh yeah
Crazy old, crazy old, crazy old, crazy Habakkuk uh ho
Uh huh oh ohh yeah
I've been reading old, reading old, reading old, reading Habakkuk

Habakkuk 2:4
"See, the enemy is puffed up; his desires are not upright -- but the righteous person will live by his faithfulness "


Cousin Zephaniah
Parody of "Cuts Like a Knife" performed by Bryan Adams and written by Bryan Adams & Jim Vallance
(Zephaniah 1:1-3:20)

I've been doin' some readin'
A book I'm sure we haven't all searched out
Habakkuk's book precedes it
Haggai's come after -- what a crowd -- yeah
Well, I heard his prophecies
I heard they might have crowned someone he knew -- yeah
Well, who is he, baby?
Who is he? I'll tell you what you need to do ooh yeah
Look at all the prophets and find the guy we know
Could be descended from the throne

Well, he's called Zephaniah
Of the Israelites
Yeah, he's not Zechariah
But he's real close by

The times he lived were changin'
Josiah was a king who'd done some good ooh yeah
But paganism started
Inchin' in with sin as best it could ooh, it could
It wouldn't be the first the time a king had gone astray
But he threw them gods away

Probably 'cause Zephaniah
Yeah, got to King Josiah
Oh, and also Jeremiah
Yeah, probably both guys
Na na na na na na na na na na
Oh, the prophet Zephaniah
Got to King Josiah, baby
Oh, the prophet Zephaniah
Yeah
LEAD

He's the great, great grandson
Of Hezekiah, you know
A good king long ago

So he's cousin Zephaniah
Yeah, to the king, Josiah
So he's cousin Zephaniah
Yeah, to the king, Josiah

Yeah!
Na na na na na na na na na na
Oh, he's cousin Zephaniah
Na na na na na na na na na na
Oh, my, my
Of the Israelites, baby
Na na na na na na na na na na
Ohhhhhh, yeah
He's cousin Zephaniah
Just him and Jeremiah
Na na na na na na na na na na
Yeah, yeah
C'mon, boys -- ohhh!
Na na na na na na na na na na
Zephaniah -- yeahhhhh -- yeah, yeah
Na na na na na na na na NA NA
Yeow, now it's cousin Zephaniah now
Na na na na na na na na na na
Of the Israelites yeah, yeah
Israelites, baby
Na na na na na na na na na na
Now, now, yeah
King Josiah and his cousin Zephaniah
Na na na na na na na na na na
Yeah, yeah

Zephaniah 1:1
The word of the Lord that came to Zephaniah son of Cushi, the son of Gedaliah, the son of Amariah, the son of Hezekiah, during the reign of Josiah son of Amon king of Judah:


Haggai Led the Way
Parody of "Baby, I Love Your Way" performed and written by Peter Frampton
(Haggai 1:1-2:23; Ezra 5:1-2, 6:14; Hebrews 12:26)

Haggie!

He shattered Jerusalem before their eyes
And removed them across the way
In 70 years they returned to their lives
For to raise up their city
But don't hesitate -- 'cause your Lord won't wait
Hey ay ay yeah

Ooh, Haggai led the way every day
When the temple it was delayed and he'd say:
Gotta deal with this right away ay yay ay ay heh

Two appeared in time to guide those guys
With the help of some diatribes
Brother Haggai would prophesy four times
Never needed wonders and signs
Said don't hesitate -- 'cause your Lord won't wait
Hey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-yeah

Ooh, Haggai led the way every day
When the temple was underway ooh ooh ooh
'Cause he preached to them night and day -- ooh yeah eh eh heh

But don't hesitate -- 'cause your Lord won't wait

I can see the prophet Zechariah
Around the page -- they're unified
How they tag-teamed I read in Ezra
In chapter 5:1 -- yeah, they teamed up
Said don't hesitate -- 'cause your Lord won't wait
Hey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-yeah

Ooh, Haggai led the way, Ezra said
When the temple it was remade ooh ooh ooh ooh
But he'd need Zechariah's aid
Ooh, Haggai led the way every day
In the temple-construction stage ooh ooh ooh ooh
Go and read his two-chapter page -- yeah eh eh heh

Ezra 5:1
Now Haggai the prophet and Zechariah the prophet, a descendant of Iddo, prophesied to the Jews in Judah and Jerusalem in the name of the God of Israel, who was over them.


The Man They Call Zechariah
Parody of "Magic Carpet Ride" performed by Steppenwolf and written by Rushton Moreve & John Kay
(Zechariah 1:7, 3:8-9, 6:12-13, 9:9, 12:10, 14:4; Jeremiah 23:5-6, 33:15-16; Isaiah 4:2-4, Ezekiel 17:22-24)

I like to dream, yes, yes
When I'm not even sound asleep
Got astoundin' soundin' visions one night
And it made me prophesy
So bizarre, quite clear
You can start to read them here

Well, you don't know but, uh, seek and find
Why don't you come with me to the world
Of the man they call Zechariah
You don't know, but we can read
520 years B.C.
That's when He gave this to me

Zechariah's book describes the
Last days of the human race

That's not all; there's a man named Branch
They're gonna pierce through and betray
He was a king, rode a donkey
He'll come one day and take our sins away
The ground shook all around
Because He landed on that mount

Well, you don't know but, uh, seek and find
Why don't you come with me to the world
Of the man they call Zechariah
Well, you don't know, but we can read
My words foretell a priest and king
That you'll see make history

Zechariah knows Messiah
Let the Son take you away

You don't know but, uh, seek and find
Why don't you come with me to the world
Of the man they call Zechariah
Well, you don't know, but we can read
520 years B.C.
That's when He gave this to me

Zechariah 1:8
During the night I had a vision, and there before me was a man mounted on a red horse. He was standing among the myrtle trees in a ravine. Behind him were red, brown and white horses.


Malachi
Parody of "Abacab" performed by Genesis and written by Tony Banks, Phil Collins & Mike Rutherford
(Malachi 2:17, 3:1-4, 3:8-12, 4:2, 4:5-6; Luke 1:78)

Look up in the Word it's there undisturbed
Next to your pillow -- beside your shirt
There's a chap in the middle -- somewhere near the Old Testament's last page
Can you think of his name? Tell me, did you think of his name?

Is he Jewish? You're getting there
Can you show us? A prophet share?
Malachi He's the messenger -- Malachi

If you're offerin' -- stuff to the Lord
Has it changed and -- become a selfish chore
When you turn wives to widows
Leavin' one you married to dwell alone
Well, don't you think He'll find out
Tell me, don't you think He'll find out

When you do it you're never scared
Don't you know you should stop and care
Malachi says you're unaware
Malachi but it needs repaired

If you wanted a prophet, you got it, oh
If you wondered what God said now you know!

He'll send Elijah yes again
For repentance in someone else's name
When he brings you the warning
Savior's finally comin' so tell a friend
Well, that's a holiness summons
Yeah, that's a holiness summons
Baby, that's a holiness summons
Prepare your soul for His comin'

Will you do it? Go get prepared
Mend your soul and your God can spare
Malachi he's no teddy bear -- Malachi

Malachi 3:1
"I will send my messenger, who will prepare the way before me. Then suddenly the Lord you are seeking will come to his temple; the messenger of the covenant, whom you desire, will come," says the Lord Almighty.