How did Keith get so many names?
As long-time ApologetiX fans know, our bass player, Keith Haynie, has gone through more identity changes in the past 16 years than Madonna, Bowie, and Cher in their combined careers. In fact, he almost makes Jennifer Garner's undercover agent life on "Alias" look stable.
Like the shape-shifting Mystique of the X-Men flicks, the bass-gripping Keith of ApologetiX is a master of morphing, Oh, sure, he still looks the same as when he joined us back in 1995, but his name keeps changing.
We're not talking about nicknames, either. For some reason, many people get Keith's first name wrong, yet he's rarely called by the same wrong name more than once. This process is called "stanning," because it all started back in 1996 at a Waffle House in Georgia, when a waitress mistakenly called him "Stan." Since then, in about the same amount of time it took to get from Sean Combs to Puff Daddy to P. Diddy, Keith has acquired 30 or more new first names.
Since then, Keith has gone acquired over 30 new first names. Here's a list:
Stan (Waffle House in Georgia 1996)
Ted (Ohio 1997)
Gary (Bradford PA 1998)
Stu (Lock Haven PA 1999)
Curly (McDonald's in Ohio or Indiana 1999)
Kevin (on the job in Pennsylvania by a thankful customer 1999)
Baby (all-night diner in Reading PA 1999)
Kenny (Denny's in Albany NY 1999)
Rich (church in Donora PA 1999)
Speedo (church in Donora PA by a pastor 1999)
Lee (concert in Houston TX 2000)
Mr. Galparin (airplane on Texas trip 2000)
John Crawford (I can't remember where but it happened 2000)
Brian (concert in Kansas 2000)
Frank (I can't remember where, but it happened 2000)
Sean (concert in Austin TX 2001)
Mark (concert in Sept/Oct 2001 - can't remember where)
Omar (same concert in Sept/Oct 2001 - can't remember where)
Cliff (photographer who took publicity shots 2001)
Ryan (member of Poor Baker's Dozen called him that at a concert in Minnesota 2001)
Ed (some lady said this to Keith's wife, Krista, in October 3 2001)
Kent (Mickey Hall in Oklahoma July 2002, according to her husband, Tom)
Heath (lady at hotel desk in Lansdale PA - May 2003)
Pete (concert promoter in Lansdale PA - May 2003)
Brad (DJ Dave Purin at the WJLU in Daytona/Port Orange FL - September 2003)
Naynie (stage plot in Colorado Springs CO - August 2005)
Kelly (person at Bismarck ND concert - December 2005)
Jeff (lady at his church in a Christmas card - December 2005)
Ken (TSA guy at the Pittsburgh Airport - May 2006)
Craig (concert helper in La Quinta CA - May 2006)
Billy (fan in Bradenton FL - March 2007)
Pete (fan in Bradenton FL - March 2007)
"Dale ... no, Don!" (Redding CA - June 2009)
Mike (bass player in Donegal PA - July 2010)
Greg (introduced with his wife Krista as "my friends Krista and Greg" by longtime friend Zack Shack - April 2011)
Doug (auto parts store person - April 2012)
And those are just the first names! His last name has been misinterpreted as Haynes, Hiney (a couple of times -- most recently over a loudspeaker at the Minnesota airport in July 2006), and Hayner, in a Grand Rapids newspaper article in June 2006.
Remember: We don't count it if somebody TRIES to give Keith a new name. The beauty of this list of names is that they were names used by people who unintentionally got Keith's name wrong. No cheating!