Crowd shot masthead ApologetiX Logo Keith Haynie plays bassBill Hubauer plays lead guitarJ. Jackson sings leadJimmy Vegas Tanner plays drums
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12.11.1750th CD in Stock, Get 1 of 26 CDs Free
12.07.17How to Donate & How to Get Multiple MP3s
12.07.17Complete Your ApX Christmas Playlist
12.07.17Deadlines for Delivery Before Christmas
12.07.17Shirts in Stock in Seven Sizes
12.07.17Get Multiple Downloads for Any Size Donation
12.07.17The Story Behind the Title of Our New CD
12.06.17ApX on USB and Under the Tree?
12.05.17ApX Alum Becomes Amazon Prince
12.04.17Buy Our 50th CD, Get 1 of 26 CDs Free
11.29.17How to Donate Online or By Mail
11.29.17The Stories Behind Our New Single
11.29.17Update on Our Upcoming 50th CD
11.27.17ApX Needs Holiday Help & Prayers
11.27.17New Single: American-Made 70's & 90's Hits
11.23.17Get Ready for Our 50th CD
11.23.17Thanksgiving Song and Video for You
11.23.17Clues for Our Next Single
11.23.17Fan Says Thanks for "Thankfully" Song & Video
11.21.17Thanksgiving Message for Fans
11.17.17New Single Spoofs British Invasion Bands
11.17.17Tinch Gets Married & Celebrates Anniversary
11.17.17ApX Songbook Useful While Awaiting Auto Repairs
11.17.17Trunk or Treat with ApX Near Harrisburg PA
11.17.17ApX Over the Office Airwaves in Ohio
11.15.17Tinch Celebrates His ApX Anniversary
11.13.17New CD Deal Ends This Wkd (BOGO)
11.10.17ApX Adventures in Odyssey: Mag Makes Mention
11.10.17Steffi's Story: 12 Years of ApX in AZ
11.09.17Cluing You in on Our Next Single
11.07.17New CD Deal Ends Soon
11.02.17New Single Spoofs '69 & '71 Hits
11.02.17Texas Praise Band Plays ApX for Church
11.02.17ApX Affects Radio Request Line in TN
11.02.17Live Moose: ApX Alum to Host Benefit Show Saturday
10.29.17Jimmy "Vegas"Celebrates a Dozen Years with ApX
10.27.17The Late Great Next ApX Single Due This Weekend
10.26.17What's Up with the 25th Anniversary CD & DVD?
10.26.17New USBs with Complete Library in Stock
10.26.17Fan Mail from a Family of 10 in Alaska
10.21.17Amazing Testimony from a Fan's Son in AZ
10.21.17Michigan Men Go to Green Bay for ApX Experience
10.21.17From Foster Care to Adoption to ApologetiX
10.21.17What You Need to Know About Our Next Single
10.20.17San Antonio Pastor Encourages ApX
10.20.17What Songs Are on the New CD?
10.13.17From a Dad in Connecticut
10.13.17Amazing Things God is Doing in Iran
10.13.17A Tribute to ApX Friend Millie Gerbo
10.12.17ApologetiX in Green Bay Saturday (25th Anniversary)
10.12.17From a Foster Mom in Colorado
10.11.17ApX Alum Drummer Needs Alabama Musicians
10.10.17Buy Our Next CD, Get 1 of 25 CDs Free
10.07.17The Title and Theme of Our Upcoming 49th CD
10.06.17Next Saturday: ApX 25th Anniv. Concert Midwest
10.06.17Join J. & Jimmy for a Special Show This Sunday
10.06.17New Single Spoofs The Cars & The Raspberries
10.04.17New Single, Help & Prayer Needed
09.29.171050 Tracks for 100 Bucks Ends Saturday
09.29.17Help & Prayer Needed
09.28.17Clues for Our Next Single
09.26.17The Latest News from the Man Called Moose
09.25.17Half Off CDs, MP3s & DVDs Ends Saturday
09.25.17Half Off & 1050 Tracks Deals End Saturday
09.20.17This Looks Like a Job for an ApX Fan
09.18.17New Single Spoofs 70's & 80's
09.17.17New Single Spoofs Tunes from '70 & '83
09.14.17Clues for Our Upcoming Single
09.14.17Powerlifter Pumps Up ApX with Encouragement
09.01.17Encouraging Emails: Eight is Enough
08.29.17Is There a Missing Churchigo EP?
08.28.17New Single Here at Last
08.26.1725th Anniversary Lapel Pins Now Available
08.26.17Anniversary Shirts Available at Last
08.26.17New CD BOGO Sale Ends Sunday Night
08.26.17About This Weekend's Single
08.18.17So How Did Things Go at the Anniversary Show?
08.18.17ApologetiX in Green Bay in 2 Months
08.18.17ApX Keyboardist Todd Waites Has New Video
08.18.17Anniversary Shirts Available for Order Soon
08.05.17ApX: Safe Bet for Sunday School in Reno
08.05.17ApX Parodies Touch Deep in the Heart in Texas
08.05.1725th Anniversary Shirts Coming Next Week
08.05.17Big Show is One Week Away, 80% Full Already
08.02.17New Single Spoofs 2 Hard-Rockin' Classics
07.29.17Clues for Our Next Single
07.29.17ApX Played Nationally on 700 Stations in Australia
07.26.17ApologetiX Needs Help & Prayer Again
07.20.17Minnesota Couple Will Reunite at Anniversary Show
07.20.17The Story Behind Our New Song "Works"
07.17.17New Single (California 80's-Style)
07.14.17Clues for Our Upcoming Single
07.07.17Send Us Your Video for the 25th Anniversary Show
07.07.17Fans from 28 States Coming to 25th Anniversary Show
07.06.17New Single (All 80's), New CD Mailed to Fans
06.30.17Clues for This Weekend's Single
06.30.17Get a Custom ApX Lapel Pin
06.23.17What Songs Are on Our New CD, Zebraic?
06.23.17New CD in Stock, Buy 1 Get 1 of 28 Titles Free
06.23.17New Single Spoofs 'Til Tuesday & REM

Van Ailin' II: Atomic Puns
Mon., May. 29. 2006 12:54pm EDT

We're glad to see we didn't lose too many of you with the "Van Ailin'" pun in last week's newsletter headline. Of course, unless you're a Van Halen fan, you might miss much of the mirth in this email we received in response:

"You really got me" with your story about the van - seems like you boys have been "running with the devil" in that thing for far too long. Thank God that it's not "D.O.A." or "on fire". With the way those "fools" were boxing you in, you're lucky it wasn't "bottom's up" in a ditch somewhere! Surely you have angels watching over you, which prevented a total "loss of control". "Could this be magic?" - no, it was definitely providential hand of God. It didn't hurt that Mr. Tanner was driving - it's hard to "top Jimmy".

Now when it comes to money, "everybody wants some" (heck, I want some too!). But I really believe in your ministry, so I'll take the money I was saving for my trip to "Panama" and send it to you. Hopefully soon you will be able to "runaround" in a new van instead of one that is always "in 'n' out" of the garage. Sorry that it's "not enough" to buy a whole new van, but I'm fresh out of "big fat money."

"Happy Trails" to you!

John "316" LaCasella

P.S. I'm sure I didn't have to explain that everything in quotes were titles of Van Halen tunes. Somehow they seemed to fit!


Jenn "Superchick" Kipp also chimed in with:

I am just glad that you all survived the encounter with the "Mean Street" and the "Aftershock" of the engine's "Eruption." I'm sorry that it's turning out to be such a "Big Bad Bill," and you know that if I had "Big Fat Money" it'd go toward the repair fund--but remember, the ministry can survive without the van, but it'd never be the same "Without You." So I'll keep on traveling "From Afar" to see you guys as many "Summer Nights" as I can--thanks for every chance to "Dance the Night Away" like we all did this weekend.


Our lead guitarist/producer, Karl Messner, responds:

Ever since, we let the new guy up front, "We can't drive 55."


Our lead singer/lyricist J. Jackson adds:

"The alternative to the new guy would be even more "Extreme." Besides, with Jimmy doing double duty driving and drumming, we've got the "best of both worlds" "right now" with the drummer of our "dreams." so there's no need to say "I'll wait" for someone else to "jump" into the mix.

Sorry, John and Jenn, I'm not saying, "You're no good" or not "good enough" at Van Halen puns. But your puns "take me back" to my Van Halen days, and I figured the amount you used were just "not enough," and "I'm the one" to "finish what ya started." That shouldn't surprise you "when it's love" for wordplay like this that started us doing parodies in the first place.


Editor's Note: We apologize for all the Van Halen puns, but we did give you "Fair Warning." We're sure we'll "hear about it later."