ApologetiX: Last Email Before Christmas
Thu., Dec. 20. 2001 3:17pm EST
J. Jackson, lead singer for ApologetiX (That Christian Parody Band) here.
Merry Christmas! I'm telling you early, because I won't be in the office when the time comes around. We're going to my wife's parents in Kentucky early Friday morning and driving back Christmas Eve. Then we'll turn around and head for my sister's in Virginia for Christmas and the two days after that.
1. The Secret to Our Parody "Manger"
2. Christmas CD Orders (There's Still Time if You Order Now!)
3. Cracked CD Orders (Sold Out)
4. License Plate Order
5. Upcoming Concerts
1. THE SECRET TO OUR PARODY "MANGER"
O.K., you HAVE to hear this one! If you have our "Keep the Change" CD or our new Christmas CD, you know we do a parody called "Manger," which speculates on what might have been said by the person who pointed Mary and Joseph to the stable and the manger where Christ was born. The parody has proved to be enormously popular for us on the radio and in concert ó Howard Stern even played it on his show.
We have a little bit of fun with the imaginary main character in the song, and in concert, we go into great detail about how nobody knows who it was who finally hooked up Mary and Joseph with their lodging for the night. Well, this morning I found out who it was ... my daughter!
Janna is five years old and attends a local private pre-school called Eden Christian Academy. She loves it, and my wife, Lisa, and I are extremely impressed with all that she is learning both academically and spiritually. Well, this morning we were invited to come and see a brief play about the Christmas story put on by Janna's pre-school class.
In the play, there were actually three innkeepers. Since there was no vacancy in town, Joseph asked each innkeeper, one at a time, if they had a place for him to stay. The first two simply said "No." The third innkeeper took Mary and Joseph by the hand and led them to the stable. Guess who played that third innkeeper? Yes, it was our sweet little Janna, who just happened to be wearing the same robe that they had apparently used once before for the multi-colored coat of Joseph! God has a great sense of humor, doesn't he?
2. CHRISTMAS CD ORDERS (THERE'S STILL TIME IF YOU ORDER NOW)
Thanks to all of you who ordered our Christmas CD, which we have titled "Have Yourself a Parody Little Christmas." We were overwhelmed by just how many of you ordered! My goodness! Most of the orders have been shipped already via Priority Mail (which takes two to three days to arrive ó just regular days, not business days, so if it's sent on Friday, three days later is actually Monday).
The balance of the orders will be shipped tomorrow (Thursday) via Priority Mail, so everybody who has ordered thus far should have their CDs by Monday, Christmas Eve, at the latest. The only exception would be if the U.S. Postal Service messes up. Priority Mail has served us very well over the years, though.
If you are planning on ordering a Christmas CD or multiple Christmas CDs, do it now. We are making an exception and allowing you to order now by e-mail and send payment by snail mail. Send your e-mail order to email@example.com. Please do not reply to this newsletter, because it will send your order to the wrong e-mail address. If you are ordering, you must send your order to firstname.lastname@example.org. Then print out your e-mail order form and send it to us with your check/money order.
If I receive your order by noon EST on Thursday, December 19, (That's probably TODAY by the time you're reading this), I promise we'll put it in the mail to you via Priority Mail the same day, so you should have it by Christmas Eve. If you send your e-mail after noon EST, December 19, I can't make any promises, but if you do place your order by 6 p.m. EST December 19, I may still be able to get it out to you. However, after 6 p.m. EST December 19, it will be almost impossible to get your order to you via Priority Mail the same day, so your order would be delayed another week.
Order must be made by check or money order payable to "ApologetiX" and sent to 1343 Davis Ave., Pittsburgh PA 15212-1977. Sorry, no credit cards on this one!
Cost is $10 per CD plus $5 shipping and handling for U.S. Priority Mail. No matter how many CDs you order, your shipping cost is only $5.
Simply print out this e-mail and fill out the form below and send it in along with your check/money order to the address at the bottom of the order form.
Please list the quantity in the blank space next to the title:
______ ApologetiX Christmas EP CD ($10 per CD)
x $10 Cost per CD
+ $5 Shipping & Handling
______ TOTAL COST (please make checks/money orders payable to ApologetiX)
YOUR NAME AND SHIPPING ADDRESS:
Please this order form to email@example.com and then print the order form and send it along with your check or money order, to:
ApologetiX 1343 Davis Ave. Pittsburgh PA 15212-1977
WHAT'S ON THE CHRISTMAS CD
1. "Micah No. 5" Parody of "Mambo No. 5" by Lou Bega, a huge hit from 1999 ("A little bit of Monica in my life ...") Talks about the birth of Christ in Bethlehem. This is a really fun track, and one of our best parodies yet!
2. "Late December 5 or 6 B.C. (Oh Holy Night)" Parody of "December 1963 (Oh What a Night)" by the Four Seasons, a #1 hit in 1976 and a #8 hit in 1994 as a dance remix. Our version is the dance remix. Talks about the fact that we don't know when Christ's birth was (what month or year), but we DO know that He really was born, and we ought to celebrate Him every day!
3. "Santa Claus" Parody of "Panama" by Van Halen, a big hit in 1984, and an FM rock staple to this day. Starts with a kid who thinks Christmas is all about Santa Claus and then focuses on the real Reason for the season.
4. "Hotel Can't Afford Ya" (ALL-NEW VERSION) Parody of "Hotel California" by the Eagles. Same words as before, but totally re-recorded with new instrumentation, new vocals and some extra stuff you've never heard before! This is the way we WISHED we could have done it back when we recorded "Jesus Christ Morningstar" in 1998. If you liked the first version, you'll LOVE this version!
5. "Manger" Parody of "Angel" by Shaggy with Rayvon. Same version as the one on "Keep the Change," but we wanted to give you all of the Christmas songs on one CD!
6. "Christmasnite" Parody of "Kryptonite" by Three Doors Down. Same version as the one on "Keep the Change," but no ApologetiX Christmas CD is complete without this one!
This is a special mail-order offer we are making available only to our e-mail newsletter subscribers and their friends and family. It's not available through stores or the website. Because this is a limited-edition CD that we are rush-releasing for Christmas, there is no CD booklet. However, the CD has a classy full-size full-color label (like the radio promos we did for "Keep the Change," which are fancier than the actual CD), so it looks attractive (Karl designed it, and he designed Spoofernatural and Keep the Change) in the jewel case and/or in your CD binder! This will also make it easy to identify your CD as part of a limited edition. It's actually more expensive for us to do these limited-run CDs than it is to mass produce CDs, but we don't have time to mass produce them and we really wanted to get these songs into your hands for this Christmas!
3. CRACKED CD ORDERS (SOLD OUT!)
Thanks to all of you who ordered from our supply of $7 cracked autographed CDs. You cleaned us out! However, we will still honor any orders that are postmarked by Wednesday, December
18. Those orders will still receive an autographed CD of the title(s) and quantity you ordered. All mail orders we receive by Thursday, December 19, will be sent Priority Mail to get it to you in time for Christmas. If the orders are received after December 19, we will not be able to process them in time for Christmas.
4. LICENSE PLATE ORDERS
Although we didn't promise that we'd be able to get the ApologetiX license plates done in time for Christmas, some of you may still be hoping for that. Those are done one at a time for us by an outside vendor who orders the plates for particular states as they come in, so I still can't make any promises about that. I do know that the vendor is shipping them directly to you via Priority Mail, though. If you have questions about the status of your license plate order, please e-mail Karl Messner at firstname.lastname@example.org.
5. UPCOMING CONCERTS
Sun., Dec. 30, 2001 at 7:30 p.m. and 9:30 p.m.
NE Area Wesleyan Youth Convention
123 Queen St.
West Toronto, Ont. Canada
Contact: Rob MacCallum
Mon., Dec. 31 at 6 p.m.
Koinonia Fellowship Church
500 Main Street E.
Rochester NY 14445
Contact: Samme Palermo 716-385-0450 SAMMEP@aol.com
Sat., Jan. 19, 2002 at 7:00 p.m.
Fifteenth Anniversary Celebration
Flint Hills Christian Church
1836 US Hwy 50
Emporia KS 66801
Contact: Steve Pearson, KNGM 620-343-9292
Sat., Jan. 26, 2002 at 8 p.m.
Trinity Lutheran Church
501 Stewart Ave.
Wausau WI 54401
Contact: Glen Dawersk 715-843-7023
Sat., Feb. 23, 2002 (Two Shows) 6:30-8:00 p.m. 8:45-10:15 p.m.
Cup O' Joy Coffee House
232 South Broadway
Green Bay, WI
Contact: Jan Oettinger Cup Phone (open hours only): 920-435-3269
Jan's phone: 920-437-6694 email@example.com
Sun., Feb. 24, 2002 at 5 p.m.
First Baptist Church
1109 E. Columbus St.
Martinsville IN 46151
Contact: Rick Hoffman 716-385-0450
God bless us all ... everyone!
-- J. Jackson Lead Singer/Lyricist ApologetiX (That Christian Parody Band) www.apologetix.com firstname.lastname@example.org
"But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of old, from ancient times."