Crowd shot masthead ApologetiX Logo Keith Haynie plays bassBill Hubauer plays lead guitarJ. Jackson sings leadJimmy Vegas Tanner plays drums

What songs are on "20:20 Vision" (2012)?

Released in October 2012, 20:20 Vision was recorded live at the ApologetiX 20th anniversary concert in Wexford PA on August 24, 2012. It was our 20th CD, but our 31st overall counting the first 11 Classics compilations, which were released in December 2010.

We've done live albums before, but never quite like this. It's a two-CD set, because we wanted fans to finally have a recording that completely captures the ApologetiX experience, including dialogue between songs, comedy routines, teaching, testimonies, etc.

We tried to think of the "live" albums we liked best when we were growing up. It wasn't the polished "semi-live" albums that were practically rerecorded in the studio; it was the recordings that actually captured a band, warts and all, having a blast interacting with its audience.

As they say, hindsight is 20/20. As we look back on 20 years and 20 albums as ApologetiX, our vision has remained the same: to reach the lost and teach the rest.

Of course, in this world you can't always go by what you see. "For we live by faith, not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7). Nevertheless, God sometimes does such amazing things you can barely believe your eyes, but they are real!

One of the most dramatic examples was when Jesus appeared to His disciples after the Resurrection: "After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord" (John 20:20).

Ironically, the disciples were using their own vision (eyesight) to see that Jesus was not merely a vision (an apparition). Now that's what we call a 20:20 vision!

Once those disciples saw Jesus, their lives were never the same. The same goes for us, and that's why we intend to keep our vision the same for as long as the Lord allows us to continue.

Here's a look at all of the tracks:

CD 1
1. Welcome
2. Weep Jeremiah (Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N' Roses)
3. Circus Performers
4. Huge Slumber Party (Use Somebody by Kings of Leon)
5. Samuel Gets Selective
6. Jesse's Boy (Jessie's Girl by Rick Springfield)
7. Stop Caring
8. Dancing with the Ark (Dancing in the Dark by Bruce Springsteen)
9. Kazoo Kommentary
10. Tenacious Todd's Tale
11. Judge (Jump by Van Halen)
12. Nothing to Sneeze At
13. Baa! We're Lambs (Barbara Ann by The Beach Boys)
14. Search and You'll Get Saved (Surfin USA by The Beach Boys)
15. Stand-Up Guy
16. Found God (Hound Dog by Elvis Presley)
17. Hit a Low C
18. For Just You (Forget You by Cee Lo Green)
19. Equal Time for Esau
20. Sweet Oholibamah (Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd)
21. Marco Polo
22. Ain't That a Miracle (Pink Houses by John Cougar Mellencamp)
23. Need-to-Know Bassist
24. Lived the Day You Died (Love the Way You Lie by Eminem with Rihanna)


CD2
1. Thrilling Announcement
2. Keep Your Ham to Yourself (Keep Your Hands to Yourself by The Georgia Satellites)
3. Pilate Episode
4. Too Much Grime on My Hands (Too Much Time on My Hands by Styx)
5. You Could Be Famous
6. Monkeys for Uncles (Money for Nothing by Dire Straits)
7. All in the Family
8. Meshach (Love Shack by The B-52's)
9. Trials & Trios
10. Anniversary Medley (Various Songs by Various Artists)
11. Good News/Bad News
12. Want It Dead or Alive (Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi)
13. Paul's Lady Friend
14. Aquila (Aqualung by Jethro Tull)
15. Catch That Fever! (Cat Scratch Fever by Ted Nugent)


Weep Jeremiah
Parody of "Sweet Child O' Mine" performed by Guns N' Roses and written by Axl Rose, Slash, Izzy Stradlin, Steven Adler & Duff McKagan
(Jeremiah 9:1; Ezra 1:1; Lamentations 2:11)

He doesn't smile and he seems to me
Resigned to a life of misery
Yet everything that he says hits a tight bull's-eye
Now men dread when they see his face
He tells them that they'd better mend their ways
And when they still don't stop
He often breaks down and cries
Whoa, oh oh, weep, Jeremiah
Whoa, oh oh oh, we love the lie

He prophesied Babylonia's rise
And said we'd not escape
They came up against Judah's sides
And we were all afraid
But Jeremiah said the one safe way
Was give up without a fight
We said, "You're a traitor and a pain
You falsely prophesy!"
Whoa, oh oh, weep, Jeremiah
Whoa, oh oh oh, we love the lie
LEAD

Whoa, oh oh, weep, Jeremiah
Whoa, oh oh oh, we love the lie
Whoa, oh oh oh, weep, Jeremiah
Ooooh, we love the lie
LEAD

Dare to be bold, dare to be bold now, dare to be bold
Dare to be bold, dare to be bold now
Dare to be bold, oooh, dare to be bold now
I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
Dare to be bold now
Dare to be bold
Oh, dare to be bold now
Dare to be bold, dare to be bold now
Dare to be bold, dare to be bold now
Now, now, now, now, now, now, now
Weep Jeremi-i-i-i-iah
Jeremi-i-i-i-i-i-iah

Jeremiah 9:1
Oh, that my head were a spring of water and my eyes a fountain of tears! I would weep day and night for the slain of my people.


Huge Slumber Party
Parody of "Use Somebody" performed and written by Kings of Leon
(Matthew 28:1-15, Mark 16:1-8, Luke 24:1-12, John 20:1-9)

All the Romans around now are lookin' down they're all asleep
And the place where He was laid has rolled up sheets
You know it's like a huge slumber party
You know it's like a huge slumber party

Someone has moved that old huge stone but how could this be
'Cause it must have weighed a ton and all could see
You know it's hard to lose someone's body
You know it's hard to lose someone's body
Someone broke through

All through the night while the eleven of us went off to weep
He waited for the break of morn without a peep
I hope it was a breakthrough moment
I know it was a breakthrough moment

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

All the Romans around now are lookin' down they're all asleep

Matthew 28:12-13
When the chief priests had met with the elders and devised a plan, they gave the soldiers a large sum of money, telling them, "You are to say, 'His disciples came during the night and stole him away while we were asleep.'"


Jesse's Boy
Parody of "Jessie's Girl" performed and written by Rick Springfield
(1 Samuel 13:11-14, 16:1-13)

Jesse is afraid
Yet I know God's got a good plan in mind
'Cause lately Saul's been changed
He ain't hardly divine
Jesse's got him several sons, and there's one who's next in line

And he'll watch over the Israelites
And he'll love the Lord his God, yeah, I just know it
And he's holier in his heart and prays late at night
You know, where did that child of Jesse's go?
I wish to find and bless him so
Where can I find a ruler like that?

Displayed them all like a parade
There doesn't seem to be a king in the place
You know I feel so certain he's not part of this group
They run and tell their younger brother
But the boy is just a youth

And he'll watch over the Israelites
And he'll love the Lord his God, yeah, I just know it
And he's holier in his heart and prays late at night
You know, where did that child of Jesse's go?
I wish to find and bless him so
Where can I find a ruler like that
I guess he's slow
Where did that child of Jesse's go?
Where can I find a ruler
Where can I find a ruler like that?

When you look at appearance all the time
There's some stuff you won't see skin deep
God is funny He's not fooled by the size
And that's the way I'm supposed to be

Tell me, where can I find a ruler like that?
LEAD

You know, where did that child of Jesse's go?
I wish to find and bless him so
I wanna bless him so
Where can I find a ruler like that?
I guess you know
I wish to find and bless him so
I want, I wanna bless him so

1 Samuel 16:1
The LORD said to Samuel, "How long will you mourn for Saul, since I have rejected him as king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king."


Dancing With the Ark
Parody of "Dancing in the Dark" performed and written by Bruce Springsteen
(2 Samuel 6:12-23, Ecclesiastes 3:4, Psalms 22:3, 28:2, 30:11, 47:1, 63:4, 88:9, 119:48, 134:2, 141:2, 149:3, 150:4; Luke 15:25, James 1:23-25)

I read about King David -- when the Ark of the Covenant came
Got caught up in the moment
Why don't we just -- worship the same way?
I ain't often inspired -- when I'm just too absorbed with myself
Hey there baby -- try some music and it'll help
We can't start the choir
We can't start the choir without your part
Lift God's name higher
Even if you're not dancing with the Ark

My savior keeps gettin' nearer
Readin' the Psalms and I'm learnin' how to praise
James says God's book is a mirror
Wanna raise high both my hands like Dave's
And I'm getting bolder
Might just give a little jump like this
In Psalm 150 it's all there
And in Second Sam-u-el 6
CHORUS

You sing along with the oldies
Cause you know them so well and it's O.K.
But take a song that is holy
How come, baby, you're not so free

Stay in your seats with heads down
But when you party you're up all night
You say it's not the same Sunday
Hey, baby, you best read Psalm 149
The time to dance is happenin'
I think it's written down here, yeah, it's right in this book
It's in Ecclesiastes
C'mon, chapter 3, give it just one look

We can't start the choir
Sittin' down -- quiet -- in the cold and dark
Lift God's name higher
Even if you're not dancing with the Ark
We can't start the choir
Worryin' 'bout your linen robe fallin' apart
Lift God's name higher
Even if you're not dancing with the Ark

2 Samuel 6:14
David, wearing a linen ephod, danced before the LORD with all his might ...


Judge

Parody of "Jump" performed by Van Halen and written by Edward Van
Halen, Alex Van Halen, Michael Anthony and David Lee Roth
(Matthew 7:1-3; Romans 3:10, 3:23, 14:10, Proverbs 20:9)
I mess up – and someone puts me down
It's kinda tough -- with all these judges around
And I know, baby, just why you sneer
You've got to prove to your conscience you ain't the worst here
Can't you see the speck in your eye's not exactly just a speck it's a beam
I think you're worse than you seem
I think you seem kind of mean
Nah! Might as well judge (Judge!)
Might as well judge!
Go ahead and judge! (Judge!)
Go ahead and judge!
Oh oh! Hey, who can say that they have got no sin
You say you don't know – you won't go – to Romans 3:10
Can't you see the standard here I got from Matthew 7:1, 2 and 3
I think it's mercy we need
We can't just be Pharisees
Nah! Might as well judge (Judge!)
Go ahead and judge
Might as well judge (Judge!)
Go ahead and judge!
LEAD

Might as well judge (Judge!)
Go ahead and judge!
Forget it and judge (Judge!)
Go ahead and judge!

Matthew 7:2
For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the
measure you use, it will be measured to you.


Baa! We're Lambs
Parody of "Barbara Ann" performed by the Beach Boys and the Regents and written by Fred Fassert
(Psalm 23, John 10:1-30, Matt. 25:31-46, Heb. 13:20, 1 Peter 2:25, 5:4, Luke 10:3)

Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa we're lambs
Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa
I'm a lamb -- in God's hand -- I'm a lamb
He's got a flock of lambs who know Him
Robbers cannot steal 'em from His hand
Baa Baa Baa Baa we're lambs

Went through the fence, lookin' for some friends
God saw me scram so He brought me back again
Cause I'm a lamb in God's hand
You got to follow where He's goin'
God'll take you in the Promised Land
CHORUS

Tried many moves -- Tried getting loose
Tried petting zoos but I knew they wouldn't do
Cause I'm a lamb in God's hand
You got to follow where He's goin'
God'll take you in the Promised Land
Baa Baa Baa Baa we're lambs
CHORUS

Baa! We're lambs, Baa! We're lambs, Baa! We're lambs ...

John 10:8
All who ever came before me were thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them.


Search and You'll Get Saved
Parody of "Surfin' USA" performed by the Beach Boys and written by Chuck Berry
(Isaiah 55:6; Deuteronomy 4:29; Haggai 2:6-7; Zephaniah 1:14-18)

If everybody had a notion – how close that you might be
Then everbody'd be searchin' – right down upon their knees
You'd see 'em carryin' their Bibles – and not just Sundays, too
There'd be a push to form prayer groups – searchin' to get saved

They'd pack the churches and close bars
(Seek and find now's the time to get saved)
And stand around in line
(Seek and find now's the time to get saved)
Cram the pews like dance halls
(Seek and find now's the time to get saved)
You'd wonder where they'd been
(Seek and find now's the time to get saved)
Although it ain't happened
(Seek and find now's the time to get saved)
Get on your knees and pray
(Seek and find now's the time to get saved)
Everybody's goin' searchin' – search and you'll get saved

You know this planet's a balloon
It's gonna break real soon
The time is now to search for
Your next place to move
We'll all be goin' to somewhere
There's just two places to stay
Tell the preacher you're searchin' – searchin' to get saved

Get on your knees 'cause God made
(Seek and find now's the time to get saved)
Specific promises
(Seek and find now's the time to get saved)
Said that those who really want Me
(Seek and find now's the time to get saved)
Are gonna seek My face
(Seek and find now's the time to get saved)
With all of their hearts now
(Seek and find now's the time to get saved)
They'll find-a Me that day
(Seek and find now's the time to get saved)
Everybody's goin' searchin' – search and you'll get saved
LEAD

Everybody's goin' searchin' – search and you'll get saved
Everybody's goin' searchin' – search and you'll get saved
Everybody's goin' searchin' – search and you'll get saved
Everybody's goin' searchin' – search and you'll get saved

Deuteronomy 4:29
But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.


Found God
Parody of "Hound Dog" performed by Elvis Presley and written by Jerry Leiber & Mike Stoller
(John 5:24, Luke 23:43, John 11:25, Matthew 7:7, Romans 8:1)

I ain't nothin' but I found God
It took quite a long time
I went knockin' and I found God
In spite of all my crimes
Well, I had several naughty habits
But my faith was genuine

Well, He said to me I'd pass
From death right into life
Yes, He said to me I'd pass
From death right into life
Well, in verse 24 I read it
There In St. John chapter 5

I ain't nothin' but I found God
Christ is bona fide
He came knockin' and I found God
I said, Christ, come inside
Well, I repented of my habits
And I waved those sins goodbye
LEAD

Well, He said to me I'd pass
From death right into life
Yes, He said to me I'd pass
From death right into life
Well, in Luke 23 the robber
Got the same promise as I
LEAD

Well, He said to me I'd pass
From death right into life
You know, He said to me, I'd pass
From death right into life
Well, He said Heaven's automatic
If you place your faith in Christ

You ain't nothin' till you've found God
Find Him while there's time
You keep knockin' till you've found God
Christ, He doesn't hide
Well, it's in 7:7 Matthew
You seek and then you'll find

John 5:24
"I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life."


For Just You
Parody of "Forget You" performed by Cee Lo Green and written by Christopher "Brody" Brown, Bruno Mars, Cee Lo Green, Philip Lawrence & Ari Levine
(Luke 15:1-32, Matthew 18:12-14, 1 Peter 2:25)

Would Jesus Christ have come down from His throne above
To come die for just you? (ooh ooh ooh)
Well, if a sheep in His flock is wanderin' off, He'll find
And get you like good shepherds do
Well, you'll find in Scripture, He's real efficient
(At catchin' sheep, at catchin' sheep)
And though it's strange to suggest
We're like fish in His nets, we're lives He rescued

He'll hold a soiree when He finds where you are, eh?
But that don't mean He'll just let you there
You could be next door, or on a safari
But on the day you pray He'll pay your fare
Like Pepι Le Pew – nobody wanted you
(Although we was both stinkers, His love still grows bigger)
Oooh! When God's son chooses you
Yeah, go on, and tell me you ain't a bit important

Would Jesus Christ have come down from His throne above
To come die for just you? (ooh ooh ooh)
Well, if a sheep in His flock is wanderin' off, He'll find
And get you like good shepherds do
Well, you'll find in Scripture, He's real efficient
(At catchin' sheep, at catchin' sheep)
And though it's strange to suggest
We're like fish in His nets, we're lives He rescued

Well, I know it's hard to swallow
But, babe, He's skilled at findin' sheep
Christ can reach ya, Christ can keep ya
'Cause Jesus' love is everlasting deep
Like Pepι Le Pew – nobody wanted you
(Although we was both stinkers, His love still grows bigger)
Oooh! So what's your new excuse?
Oooh! I really hate to ask right now

Would Jesus Christ have come down from His throne above
To come die for just you? (ooh ooh ooh)
Well, if a sheep in His flock is wanderin' off, He'll find
And get you like good shepherds do
Well, you'll find in Scripture, He's real efficient
(At catchin' sheep, at catchin' sheep)
And though it's strange to suggest
We're like fish in His nets, we're souls He rescued

Amazing grace that saved me I was blind and such a jerk and so bad
(So bad, so bad, so bad)
When I was still a prodigal, He told me, kid, don't run from your Dad
(Your Dad, Your Dad, Your Dad)
Like uh -- Why? (uh) Why? (uh) Why evade Him?
(Uh) God loves you! (Uh) God still loves you!

Luke 15:4
"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?


Sweet Oholibamah
Parody of "Sweet Home Alabama" performed by Lynyrd Skynyrd and written by Ed King, Gary Rossington & Ronnie Van Zant
(Genesis 26:34, 27:46-28:9, 36:2-5, 36:10, 36:14; Obadiah 1:1-2, 1:10)

1-2-3 (I've heard enough)
Bigamy was Esau's burden
I married me girls who grieved my kin
I'm bringin' someone now to solve that
I just got married once again – I'm takin' a chance, yes

Well, I heard what my mom thinks about them (Mother's mad)
Well, her dirty deal put me down
Well, I hope my mom will remember
Her son who ran won't be around anyhow

Sweet Oholibamah, you're my wife that's the truth
Sweet Oholibamah, you're just one of quite a few

I'm burning mad, but I love my mother, now (Boo hoo hoo)
But she's tied in with Jacob's ruse
While brother Jacob was robbin' me
Mother conned my father, too – I'm tellin' the truth

Sweet Oholibamah, all my wives are so blue
They don't love my mama 'cause my mama don't approve
(Here it comes, melodrama)
LEAD

Now Mother goes and talks to Papa
"Let Jacob go and pick a wife or two" (Ain't she cute)
Oh, that ticks me off so much
It ticks me off 'cause he flew the coop – Now, I might sue

Sweet Oholibamah, yeah, my wives aren't amused
We gonna have a problem if we go on Family Feud
Sweet Oholibamah (oh, sweetheart)
Yeah, my wives aren't so few (but my love is true)
Even though I'm not monogamous (oh, no)
You're my one and only too

Genesis 36:2-3
Esau took his wives from the women of Canaan: Adah daughter of Elon the Hittite, and Oholibamah daughter of Anah and of Nebaioth, granddaughter of Zibeon the Hivite – also Basemath daughter of Ishmael and sister


Ain't That a Miracle
Parody of "Pink Houses" performed and written by John Cougar Mellencamp
(John 9)

Well, there's a blind man - just a sad sack
Livin' in a blindness since birth
He's gonna demonstrate something to us from God
You know, 'cause Jesus just brought him the cure
He made some ointment with His spittle
Said "Clean it up" and He went off
And he looked up after he had bathed, shoutin'
"I can see everythin' real good - because of God"

Ah, but ain't that a miracle? Yes, indeed
Ain't that a miracle? Now he can see, baby!
Ain't that a miracle? Totally free, yeah!
Little things happen when you believe
Oh, yeah, when you believe!

Now when the young man met the teachers
They said "This is an impossible occasion
He's not the creepy man that was recently blind"
They said, "No, he must be some imitation!"
But he told them, "Yeah, I'm the one, sirs
The same boy who couldn't see till presently"
But just like everything else those old Pharisees
Just tried to explain it away
CHORUS (Oh, yes, they do for faithful folks like you and me)

Well, yes, Jesus can cure people
Some still say no, no, no
God'll work into some guy's life
And they chase you down if you call it a miracle - ooh yeah!
And they witness and excuse it
And say it's no big deal
But the simple man, baby, knows He still can heal
If it's God's will
CHORUS

John 9:30
The man answered, "Now that is remarkable! You don't know where he comes from, yet he opened my eyes."


Lived the Day You Died
Parody of "Love the Way You Lie" performed by Eminem featuring Rihanna and written by Marshall Mathers, Alexander Grant & Holly Hafermann
(Matthew 2:11; Mark 15:23; John 11:49-52, 19:39; Isaiah 53:1-12; Ephesians 2:8-9; Titus 3:4-7)

Don't understand why they brought You myrrh
But that's all right because I like Your day of birth
Don't understand why You'd heal, me, Christ
But that's all right because I lived the day You died
I lived the day You died

I can't tell you what a thrill it is
Like in bowling when you got your first strike
It's like now I'm hitchhiking on the turnpike
I broke free from doin' life, now it's midnight
Then God comes along with a ride, invites me inside
I offer stuff to compensate
He doesn't want no payment – says, Brother, it's all be covered
It's tough to take – I say, Lord, I'm a lousy clown, why'd You stop to save me
You must be crazy, man, I'm such a waste
Where we goin'? I'm redeeming you – no you ain't
I'm bad, and someone like that can't become a saint
It's too ingrained – He said, there's no one good – you're goin' straight
I took command, and I'm winnin' you back – your soul is saved
But, Lord, my past was awful, I feel so estranged
I'm trapped – Who trapped you? I don't see no ball and chain
I laid hands on you – you'll never do this alone again
I guess you don't know the Lord's grace

Don't understand why they brought You myrrh
But that's all right because I like Your day of birth
Don't understand why You'd heal, me, Christ
But that's all right because I lived the day You died
I lived the day You died
I lived the day You died

You know, they struck His body so much
He could breathe when they hit Him
But Jesus, He did not refuse, even though they whipped Him
Not a warm, fuzzy feeling, gettin' killed just for livin'
Like He's some punk they didn't know from Adam
The Lord, He said, forgive 'em
When they did those things to hurt Him
Though they spit upon His face and invented stuff to curse and convict Him
They plucked out his facial hair
Laughed while givin' Him a thorny crown
Pinned Him to a cross in the Roman mannerism
Yet they gave Him a cold drink to cope with though
Something infinitesimal, a gesture made
Guess that they didn't know that in their painkilling recipe
Something was left over from a different day
One that came with frankincense and gold
It was embalmer's myrrh
Mixed with wine – He still refrained
You don't get it, Wonder Man, Christ was not immune to pain
But it's not in vain
Now the rest of us receive God's forgiveness
Guess that's why they say "no pain no gain"

Don't understand why they brought You myrrh
But that's all right because I like Your day of birth
Don't understand why You'd heal, me, Christ
But that's all right because I lived the day You died
I lived the day You died
I lived the day You died

Now I know I said things, did things that were pretty mean
And we fall back to the days of Adam and days of Eve
But Your temptation was bad as mine is, from A to Z
Yet You never flunked the test like I did
You made it clean somehow
They cussed at You, nailed You to a tree
Maybe it was Satan just shiftin' the blame to You from me
Maybe that's what happens when some fourth graders meet with Darth Vader
All I know is the devil's too much for us to face now
The Messiah picked up my tab 'cause He died for all
Though I see sin starin' me in my face when I fall
Though I'm just a slimeball
Took me in when I called
Yes, I'm enlistin' as a Christian disciple
Guess it's time here for me to testify
I will follow Christ even through my lowest times
"Cause I know I became righteous from the fact I know my Messiah
If the devil tries to sucker me again
I'm a try and do my best to just renounce that liar

Don't understand why they brought You myrrh
But that's all right because I like Your day of birth
Don't understand why You'd heal, me, Christ
But that's all right because I lived the day You died
I lived the day You died
I lived the day You died

Mark 15:23
Then they offered him wine mixed with myrrh, but he did not take it.


Keep Your Ham to Yourself
Parody of "Keep Your Hands to Yourself" performed by The Georgia Satellites and written by Dan Baird
(Leviticus 11; Mark 7:18-20; Colossians 2:16-17; Romans 14:1-6; 1 Corinthians 8:8-13, 10:23-33; Acts 10:9-16, 15:20, 15:28-29; 1 Timothy 4:3-5; Hebrews 13:9)

I got a little pigs in a blanket, gonna bring a ring of links
Of some sausage 'n' tenderloin bacon, green ham and eggs
Or eat some pork chops, how 'bout some plain old ribs
Always, no hoggy, no piggy, you know it's in Leviticus
My honey, my baby, don't put my lunch upon no shelf
She said, don't hand me no swine and keep your ham to yourself

Bacon, baby, bacon
Why you wanna treat meat this way
You know, it's still my supper choice
I still feel it tastes great
That's when she told me the pure meats
Were poultry, fish, sheep and cows
And said, no hoggy, no piggy, or food you get from any sow
My honey, my baby, don't put my lunch upon no shelf
She said, don't hand me no swine and keep your ham to yourself
(They're kosher here!)
See,I started to feel bad
And I was about to give in
That's when I started thinking about the New Covenant
The part that talks about dinner
I said, Honey, Acts 10:15 would suggest that I'm right
Please read Colossians 2:16, Mark 7:19, don't fight
And what about Romans verse 14:3 if nothing else
She said, don't hand me no swine and keep your ham to yourself

Mark 7:18-19
"Are you so dull?" he asked. "Don't you see that nothing that enters a person from the outside can defile them? For it doesn't go into their heart but into their stomach, and then out of the body." (In saying this, Jesus declared all foods clean.)


Too Much Grime on My Hands
Parody of "Too Much Time on My Hands" performed by Styx and written by Tommy Shaw
(Matthew 27:11-26, Mark 15:1-15, Luke 23:1-25, John 18:28-19:22)

Well, I'm sick of all this harsh rule
I'm Pontius Pilate that's who
Got those zealous confused Jews
And I've given up home, all those happy days in Rome
And the battles of old too
Is there anyone here who's not crazy?
Is there anyone here who's sane at all?

Well, I'm so tired of Jerus'lem n' all the fussin' and feuds
It's all that they do here
Well, I know that truism that there's no place like Rome
And I'd like to get there
Is there anyone here who's not a criminal?
Is there anyone who don't belong in jail?

Is it any wonder I've got too much crime on my hands
I'm sick of the strays that they send to me
I've got too much crime on my hands
It's hard to be me, oh the humanity
I've got too much crime on my hands
So just take Him away, take Him away from me
Too much crime on my hands
Just t-t-t-take Him away
I don't know what to do with this Man
Too much crime on my hands

Well now they sent me Jesus
Like I don't have enough problems
Now I need to try Him
He's got a dozen friends
And there's hundreds of enemies who all want Him dyin'
With His many wonders they're not impressed with Him
Is it any wonder I've got no choice?

Is it any wonder I've got too much grime on my hands
It's stickin' like paint to my hands, you see
I've got too much grime on my hands
It's hard to be clean when you're a man like me
I've got too much grime on my hands
So just take Him away, take Him away from me
Too much grime on my hands
Just t-t-t-take Him away
I don't know what to do with this Man
Too much grime on my hands

Matthew 27:24
When Pilate saw that he was getting nowhere, but that instead an uproar was starting, he took water and washed his hands in front of the crowd. "I am innocent of this man's blood," he said. "It is your responsibility!"


Monkeys for Uncles
Parody of "Money for Nothing" performed by Dire Straits and written by Mark Knopfler & Sting
(Romans 1:18-22; Genesis 1:26-30, 2:15-25, 3:1-24)

I want my missing links …

"Now look at them Dodos" – that's the way they view us
They say that Christians are a dead species
Then they worship – macroevolution
Monkeys for uncles in your history
Now, that ain't workin' – after we refute it
Then they tell you – that the Bible's dumb
Maybe then your sister was a ring-tailed lemur
Maybe then a lizard was your mum
They've got to insult us to sway others
Because they're missin' the missin' links
They've got to lose the Originator
They've got to prove these other theories

That little maggot with the earwig and the stinkbug
They're buggies, but listen here
That little maggot could become an X-man
That little maggot needs a billion years
They've got to insult us to sway others
Because they're missin' the missin' links
They've got to use their imaginations
They've got to prove these other theories

Sure they mean well …
Huh?

They've got to insult us to sway others
Because they're missin' the missin' links
Get God removed from the situation
They've got to prove these other theories

They should've learned they're playin' with fire
They could get burned, but they get numb
Look at that drama they got from trickin' us with Java Man
Ain't that guy handsome?
And what's up with that? Who's that?
Why's that annoy us?
There ain't no right and wrong -- we're like the chimpanzees
Oh, that ain't workin' -- macroevolution
Get your monkeys for uncles in your history

They've got to insult us to sway others
Because they're missin' the missin' links
They've got to lose the Originator
They've got to prove these other theories


Oh, that ain't workin' – that's the way I view it
I beg to differ on your empty theory
That ain't workin' – that's no way to prove it
Get your monkeys for uncles in your history
Monkeys for uncles – history
Monkeys for uncles – history

I want my, I want my, I want my missing links
I want my, I want my, I want my missing links

Romans 1:21
For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.


Meshach
Parody of "Love Shack" performed by the B-52's and written by Frederick Schneider, Catherine Pierson, Keith Strickland & Cindy Wilson
(Daniel 1:7, 3:1-30; 1 Peter 4:12-13)

Hey, there's three real famous guys in the Bible you know
And the in-between guy's name is Meee-shach!
Meschach, yeah, yeah

I read about them in Daniel one day
Look in chapter 1:7 babe
And then you can go get their names
They got treated harsh by the king of the world (go get their names)
When they didn't bow down to his gold statue (go get their names)
They got in a crisis and just about perished from burnin' up
Hey, king, your joke's not funny

Well-a Meshach was an Israelite faced with
Mean King Neb'chadnezzar
Meshach, baby – ah Meshach baby
Meshach, baby, Shadrach, Meshach, baby, Shadrach
Ah, babe, Abednego's last

Simon says, kneel and pray fools
You must do as the law says!
Well, sittin' way back in the middle of a field
There's a 90-foot statue; ya gotta pray to that
Glitter on the statue didn't make the guys pray
Even if they got scorched, they would trust in Yahweh

Well-a Meshach was an Israelite faced with
Mean King Neb'chadnezzar
Meshach, baby – Meshach baby
Meshach – Neb'chadnezzar's mad
Meshach's no scaredy cat

Huffin' and a hissin' guess he wasn't bluffin'
Nebuchadnezzar shoved 'em in the hottest of ovens
But hold on kiddies
Cause everybody's movin' around and around and around and around
Nebby got confused and said, "I thought we threw them in with
Ropes tied 'em up – now guys how'd they get out?
There's four bodies movin' – there's another dude in there and
Come here, Meschach – want you to come back!"

Often a crisis looks as big as a whale and you're about to get nailed
But God isn't far, He sees you now buddy
So come on and pray – you're cool, stop running
CHORUS

Wait, wait, wait on the Lord, baby! Talk a little louder soldier
Wait, wait, wait on the Lord baby! I can't hear you!
Wait, wait! On the Lord, baby! Wait, wait! On the Lord!
Wait, wait! On the Lord, baby! Batman!
Girls, what?!! Same tune … trust me

Meshach, baby, Shadrach (Ah, baby, trustworthy chaps, yeah)
Meshach, baby, Shadrach (Ah, baby, trustworthy chaps)
(Hope you learned a lesson standin' in the oven with a-Meshach)

Daniel 3:26
Nebuchadnezzar then approached the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, "Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here!" So Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire ...

Anniversary Medley:

We Will Walk Through
Parody of "We Will Rock You" performed by Queen and written by Brian May
(Psalm 23:4, Isaiah 43:2)

God He brought some boys to the king's court
Let 'em feel the heat 'cause they made the king mad one day
A hot oven they faced with big, big flames
Kings and rulers cannot conquer your faith

We will, we will walk through
We will, we will walk through

God He took another man, the government found him on his knees
'Cause he prayed to the Lord one day
He got lions to face with big, big tastes
Waitin' for dinner where no one escapes
Singin'

We will, we will walk through
We will, we will walk through

God He took an old man, told him
Lead the Israelites, gonna part the Red Sea today
You got troubles you face and big, big waves
But God He's gonna push 'em back -- cling to your faith

We will, we will walk through
We will, we will walk through

Isaiah 43:2
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

Heavenly Hill
Parody of "Beverly Hills" performed by Weezer and written by Rivers Cuomo
Matthew 17:1-9, Mark 9:1-9, Luke 9:27-36, 2 Peter 1:16-19)

Where I come from there's a tall flat place
It's out on a hill where a ski slope's at
My master went for a little walk
With His friends there just to do a retreat
He didn't go with some big group
Just three guys, James and John and me
While we prayed I saw the Son of God talking with the prophets

Heavenly hill -- that's where I want to be
(John and Jimmy, John and Jimmy)
Living on heavenly hill
Heavenly hill -- Moses, Elijah, Jesus, and me
(John and Jimmy, John and Jimmy)
Living on heavenly hill

Looking brighter than a star, His clothes so beautiful they gleamed
Don't know how they scrubbed His wardrobe but His face it seemed to beam
I wonder if He'll look like that whenever Jesus Christ is king
Maybe this ain't quite as cool but it's the next best thing

Heavenly hill -- that's where I want to be
(John and Jimmy, John and Jimmy)
Living on heavenly hill
Heavenly hill -- Mark n' Luke 9, Matthew 17
(John and Jimmy, John and Jimmy)
Living on heavenly hill

2 Peter 1:16-18
We did not follow cleverly invented stories when we told you about the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. For he received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased." We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain.


I Love Apostle Paul
Parody of "I Love Rock 'n Roll" written by J. Hooker & A. Merrill and
performed by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts
(Acts 9, 2 Timothy)

I saw him standin' there writin' letters in chains
I knew he once had been a proud Pharisee
His faith was kind of strong
In God's favorite Son
And I could tell he didn't belong in prison with me, yeah me
And I could tell he didn't belong in prison with me, yeah me

Singin' – I love Apostle Paul
He put a lotta lines in the Good Book baby
I love Apostle Paul
From Romans into Philemon yes indeed

He smiled, so I got up and asked "Were you framed?"
"Well, that don't matter," he said, "'cause I'm not ashamed"
"For Jesus to take me home – I need to be in Rome"
When execution comes – you'll see I'll be free, yeah free
When execution comes – you see, I'll be free indeed
CHORUS

His letters won't take you long – You need to read them all
So let's get movin' on – and read 'em with me, yeah me
And we'll review them all and see what became of Paul
(In Second) Timothy
CHORUS

2 Timothy 1:8
"So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of
God ..."


Want it Dead or Alive
Parody of "Wanted Dead or Alive" performed by Bon Jovi and written by Jon Bon Jovi & Richie Sambora
(Philippians 2:9-11, Romans 14:10-12, Psalm 66:4)

We're all the same, all gonna praise His name
Everything that He's created and made
On Judgment Day in the place where our souls go
You find out now or when you get back home

Find it now boy or you will once you die
Do you want it dead or alive? Want it dead or alive?

The time is late -- so don't procrastinate
The people who wait -- often overestimate
Your time could come today while you dawdle at the brink
The choice is yours alone -- I'm callin' you to think

Find it now boy or you will once you die
Do you want it dead or alive? Want it dead or alive?
Oh, get it right!

But now you want free speech -- you wanna get me off your back
It's plain to see but you might not face the facts
But you'd best prepare for that judgment hall
You've had a million chances so don't drop the ball

Find it now boy or you will once you die
Do you want it dead or alive? Want it dead or alive?
Find it now boy -- you've got the right to decide
Do you want it dead or alive? Dead or alive?
Get it right -- dead or alive
Christ still triumphs -- dead or alive

Philippians 2:10-11
... that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.


Aquila
Parody of "Aqualung" performed by Jethro Tull and written by Ian Anderson & Jennie Anderson
(Acts 18:1-4, 18:24-28; Romans 16:3-4; 1 Corinthians 16:19; 2 Timothy 4:19)

Renting an apartment
Riding round the world and making tents
Claudius ran him out Rome
He's the king who said they had to go
Hey, Aquila
Trying to preach God's Son
Up against the pagan pantheon
Hey, Aquila
With his wife Priscilla
Preaching 'bout Jesus and His hope and love
Oh, Aquila

Once he left Rome
We all met up in Corinth
Makin' tents, you know the way we sew
They've heard the facts
As the friends of this apostle
Goin' down to the hall to watch me preach
BREAK

Leavin' your home
Discardin' all your goods
Salvation on the road is enough for me
Aquila, my friend, though it's not a way that's easy
The Lord our God will see to all your needs

Do you still remember - we met in Acts 18?
Preaching Christ for nearly two long years
To Corinthians that believed
Hey! And you passed the test there in Ephesus
When even I'd left town
And Apollos you guys planted in the faith
REPEAT CHORUS

De de de de …
Aquila, my friend, though it's not a way that's easy
The Lord our God will see to all your needs

Whoa! Aquila!

*Note: Pronounce it "AK-wuh-luh" when singing this song. That's
how they pronounced it in the movie "A.D." and is one of two ways
of pronouncing it, although most preachers seem to pronounce it
"uh-KWIL-uh".

Acts 18:23
There he met a Jew named Aquila, a native of Pontus, who had recently come from Italy with his wife Priscilla, because Claudius had ordered all the Jews to leave Rome. Paul went to see them, and
because he was a tentmaker as they were, he stayed and worked with them.


Catch That Fever!
Parody of "Cat Scratch Fever" performed and written by Ted Nugent
(Luke 12:49, Revelation 3:15-16, Acts 4:23-31)

Well, I don't when He's comin' but the Lord will come
I know He's comin' for me
And He told us if we're lukewarm then He'll just spit us out
In Revelation Chapter 3
We need to catch that fever! Catch that fever!

Well, the first time that they caught it they were gettin' real bold
Went out into the city and explored
And they ran into some problems then in Acts chapter 4
They prayed and caught it some more
We need to catch that fever! Catch that fever!

This stuff is dangerous -- I feel your pain
Why go to church ashamed?
You know the Gospel, don't you? You go in His name
It makes you grow in Christ, Christ
When you're facin' the flames

Well, I ain't a pushy person -- I'm just a shy man
I know that blessed are the meek
But I know just where to go when I need to make a stand
The Holy Spirit I seek
He helps me
CHORUS

Revelation 3:15-16
(Jesus is speaking) I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm–neither hot nor cold–I am about to spit you out of my mouth.