Crowd shot masthead ApologetiX Logo Keith Haynie plays bassBill Hubauer plays lead guitarJ. Jackson sings leadJimmy Vegas Tanner plays drums

What songs are on "Handheld Messiah" (2013)?

Here what's on our 33rd ApologetiX CD, Handheld Messiah, which was released in November 2013, at the same time as our 34th CD, Classics: Christmas:

1. Messiah - Desire - U2
2. Virgin - Urgent - Foreigner
3. Cut-Rate Hotel - Heartbreak Hotel - Elvis Presley
4. Child King - Wild Thing - Tone Lōc
5. Mary's Got a Son - Janie's Got a Gun - Aerosmith
6. One Night in Bethlehem - One Night in Bangkok - Murray Head
7. Christ in the Stable - Cat's in the Cradle - Harry Chapin
8. Excuse Me, Pal, It's Christmastime - Purple Haze - Jimi Hendrix
9. Nice Iced Pavement - Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice
10. Wise Men Still - Can't Help Falling in Love With You - Elvis Presley
11. We Didn't Start Messiah - We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel

Here are the lyrics:

Messiah
Parody of "Desire" performed and written by U2
(Daniel 9:24-27, Isaiah 53:1-12)

Brothers, quite honestly
Is the Bible a white lie? It predicts history
Have you read the parts prophesyin' Messiah?

See, from Daniel – the Israelites knew
The Christ would be there – be there real soon
And so they counted till they got one
And eschewed everyone who's not one
It's in Daniel, chapter 9 -- the
Messiah! Messiah!
You ready?

Under Caesar's when they'd find the
Messiah! Messiah!
Yearning -- yearning

He gave all us the time projections
Seek the prophets for your directions
The Scriptures that came long ago
I can preach it -- still your heart has to let Him in, though
So let Him, honey, honey, honey
Honey, honey, honey, honey, honey

And when Jesus gets inside ya
Messiah! Messiah!
Messiah! Messiah!
Messiah! Messiah!

Daniel 9:25
"Know and understand this: From the time the word goes out to restore and rebuild Jerusalem until the Anointed One, the ruler, comes, there will be seven 'sevens,' and sixty-two 'sevens.' It will be rebuilt with streets and a trench, but in times of trouble."

Virgin
Parody of "Urgent" performed by Foreigner and written by Mick Jones
(Isaiah 7:14, Jeremiah 31:22, Genesis 3:15, Matthew 1:18-25, Luke 1:27-38)

You're not blind -- you've been around
You want a sign -- it's got to be so profound
Isaiah -- he wrote some down
You won't believe -- you want 'em proved to you now
You've got pride in your brains
Learned a lot -- but you don't feel the faith
Your Messiah -- He still came
You can't spot Him -- until you do it's a shame
But one sign and wonder in the Book caught your eye
A baby predicted whose mom was undefiled
And I know, yes I know, now it's Jesus Christ
That's why we all need to admit Him in our lives

You see a virgin -- a pure virgin
You know a virgin, virgin, virgin with a pregnancy
A virgin – it was Mary – yes, a virgin, virgin, virgin, virgin, virgin, virgin, virgin

The snake tricks all mankind
You best beware -- it's comin' through our bloodline
We're not pure – our sin's parental
We're Adam's seed – you can see that's detrimental
But my God took us on another path
He'd grow up a seed to redeem us back
Yeah, the one from the woman that He'd prepare
Read Isaiah 7:14, and you'll find that it's there

It says a virgin – a pure virgin
You know a virgin – I wanna tell you that it came to be (ooh ooh)
Go, go, go searchin', searchin', searchin' -- check in Genesis 3
The verse is number 15 – it's a virgin, virgin, virgin, virgin, virgin, virgin, virgin
You see a virgin – came to pass
Yes, a virgin – go and check
Yes, a virgin – God with us
Yes, a virgin, virgin, virgin, virgin, virgin, virgin
Not a trick -- yes, a virgin, virgin -- the virgin's seed
Virgin, virgin -- the virgin's seed – virgin, virgin, virgin, virgin
The virgin's seed – Virgin virgin virgin virgin
The virgin's seed
A virgin – the virgin's seeeeeeed
Ooh ooh (ooh ooh) ooh ooh (ooh ooh)
Ooh ooh (ooh ooh)

Isaiah 7:14
Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel.


Cut-Rate Hotel
Parody of "Heartbreak Hotel" performed by Elvis Presley and written by Mae Boren Axton, Thomas Durden, & Elvis Presley
(Luke 2:7)

Well, since our baby's ready
Well, we found a new place to dwell
Well it's down with the friendly goats and sheep
That cut-rate hotel
Where we'll be
Our baby's a holy baby
Our baby's so holy
He's been foretold in Micah 5

Although the town is crowded
They still can find some room
For open-minded travelers
Who know how to use a broom
But people
Our baby's a holy baby
Our baby's so holy
He's been foretold in Micah 5

Now, the well-off kids keep goin'
To the five-star this and that
But in Bethl'hem one star's all you need
To get to the place we stopped at
It's a stable but
Our baby's a holy baby
Our baby's so holy
He's been foretold in Micah 5

Well, to visit baby Jesus
They've got a trail as well
Well, just take your donkey on the cheap
To cut-rate hotel
And you will see this little
Baby's a holy baby
Our baby's so holy
He's been foretold in Micah 5

LEAD

Although the town is crowded
Well, they still can find some room
They're open late for shepherds
And cows are welcome too
It's Christmas so
Go visit the holy baby
Our baby's so holy
He's been foretold in Micah 5

Luke 2:7
... and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.


Child King
Parody of "Wild Thing" performed by Tone Lōc and written by Young MC
(Luke 2:8-20, Isaiah 1:18)

Yeshua!

Work with all the sheep -- that's my prime source of money
So when the sheep get dumb I can go and I find where they're runnin'
Most were sound asleep -- I saw this curly sheep was jumpy
In the blink of an eye, she got mesmerized and went to discover something
Went to use my shepherd's crook, she headed for the briars
I said, "There's something goin' on, baby girl" and "I'm gonna find ya"
She took a little spill and fell -- she slipped, poor little thing
I went to free my sheep in her moment of need
And that led us to the Child King
Child King
Child King

Shocking as it was, looking awesome, way up high
I saw this person it was not some bird but if he had to he just might fly
He looked at me, "A child," he said, "that God sent is born tonight"
'Cause there's hope for thee, I bring goodwill and peace and news of Christ
So I turned into a mouse – I think that dude could hover
I feared before but yo, here's some more
I looked up and there were some others
I didn't know what to say – all those angels on the wing
But they sang a tune – and I was quite moved
And I left to view the Child King
Child King
I left to view the Child King
Child King
Please, baby, baby, please

You'd possibly expect they'd bling Him out with all this hype
But when me and the crew went to his digs
He wasn't really the rich-guy type
Saw this precious little babe cryin', lyin' on a bed of straw
This sweet young miss, though, gave Him a kiss
And I knew that she was His ma
She took us to their living room – it was part outside
He didn't glow but He fit the profile
I made up my own mind
I couldn't get Him off my thoughts
It was … a dramatic thing
But that's what happened to a lot of us after
From viewin' the Child King
Child King
We went to view the Child King
Please, baby, baby, please

Child King!

You know that Kid'll grow and I mean no disrespect
But sometimes some Christians want Him to stop
So they're spared His blood and death
They want Him to come and stay
A cute and little prince
But if He's still a child He can't save you later, and forgive your sins
So when there's snow at Christmas
Let's look at it another way
Our sins are whiter than snow because He took the toll
We weren't prepared to pay
He was all alone when He set the tone
When they killed Him one spring
He needed to be older
To make you holy
'Cause a babe can't do that kind of thing
Save us?
Yo, suffering's not for kiddies
That swaddlin' babe?
Just wait about 30 years
Catch Him at Easter, baby

Child King!

Isaiah 1:18
"Come now, let us settle the matter," says the Lord.
"Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.
Mary's Got a Son
Parody of "Janie's Got a Gun" performed by Aerosmith and written by Steven Tyler & Tom Hamilton
(Matthew 1:18-2:23, 11:27; Luke 1:26-56, 2:1-20, 10:22; Micah 5:2)

Oh, Mary, honey, what have you got?
Most don't know it's the Son of my God
Oh, Mary, honey, what have you got?
Oh, my Lord, it's Your Son!
Wow!

Na na na – Na na na
Na na na – Na na na

Mary's got a son – Joseph's not the one
The whole world's havin' fun
Wond'rin' how that was done
Babies need daddies too
What if it could be true?
They say when Mary was expectin'
They found it unbelievable
But man she hadn't known
And if the baby's God's own Son
It ain't really inconceivable

Mary's got a son – Herod's come undone
He don't need anyone
To rule the country he's tryin' to run
They tell me that this guy's cruel
What did King Herod do?
He killed the little bitty babies
The man has got to be insane
Oh oh oh oh
So all the males age two and under
All died and it's a wonder
That the son she had for God escaped

Run away, run away from the king, yeah
Run away, run away from the king, yeah
Run away, run away, run from the king, yeah
LEAD

Mary's got a son – and it's not much fun
The ordeal's just begun
And now the family is on the run
What should poor Mary do?
This baby can't die on you
She had to take Him down to Egypt
And put her boy where He'd be safe
Oh oh oh oh
She said, I hope nobody sees me
The family's got to flee
We'd be better off to leave this place!

Run away, run away from the king, yeah
Run away, run away from the king, yeah
Run away, run away, run from the king, yeah

Mary's got a son – and He's God's own Son
Mary's got a son -- and everybody is gonna come (Yeahhh)
Mary's got a son -- the story's just begun (Yeahhh)
Now everybody is gonna come (No one really knows the Father)
Because Mary's got a son (Only Jesus Christ)
And He's God's own son (But His Daddy may adopt ya, but ya)
The story's just begun (Need to see the light)
And everybody is gonna come (Yeahhh)
Mary's got a son (Yeahhh)
Mary's got a son (Yeahhh)
The story's just begun (Yeahhh)

Luke 1:34
"How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?"


One Night in Bethlehem
Parody of "One Night in Bangkok" performed by Murray Head and written by Benny Andersson, Björn Ulvaeus & Tim Rice
(Micah 5:2, Luke 2:3-16, Matthew 2:1-16, John 7:42, Jeremiah 1:12)

Bankrupt, boring little city
And the city don't know what a gift it is getting
But crammed Bethlehem has a guest star in her
Who goes with everything at Yule dinner

I'm surprised no one seemed to visit
Since the former king and psalmist was once born in it
Saul came, don't you know he then moved
David's his general, you can't fault him for that can you?
He's fightin' with the Philistines -- why waste time -- on -- on this place?

One night in Bethlehem the world played hostess
The barn was simple but it sure came cheap
The Son of God would change the winter solstice
And if you're looking at the goats and sheep
I can see an angel flying up to me

Young child, Mary was his mother
But they'll head down over to Egypt, brother
There's a dragnet involved, it's really such a pity
Herod's looking for the boy – not looking apathetic
Wait a minute
He thinks one child can politically bring him down?

Jesus, young and sweet (young, sweet)
King Herod's fed up and things are gonna get ugly
That guy's a tough Tyrannosaurus
Whose every move is fast and furious
I'd get my kid across the state line at crunch time

One night in Bethlehem the start was humble
Not much to see but there was history
One guy was sent to end the 12 Tribes' troubles
So be prepared to meet your coming king
I can see the Gentiles watch expectantly

Wise men are gonna be in Guinness
As the ultimate quest to celebrate Christmas
These gifts seem more than you'd have
Brought a young ruler of the Tribe of Judah
Praise God, He's always watching His Word, fulfilling it

I don't see two guys raised in
The time and place Zion's prophets placed Him
I'll bet you lunch you couldn't find two
But it seems these clues do not entice you

So you'd better go back to the start, and the symbols from your forefathers

One night in Bethlehem the world rejoices
The barn's no temple, but that Boy's a Priest
It's time for God so raise your golden voices
He's in the flesh, a little mystery
I can see the angels flying just to see

One night in Bethlehem the start was humble
Not much to see but there was history
The Christ was sent to end the 12 Tribes' troubles
And with a careful look at prophecy
I can see a dreidel on your Christmas tree

John 7:42
"Does not Scripture say that the Messiah will come from David's descendants and from Bethlehem, the town where David lived?"


Christ in the Stable
Parody of "Cat's in the Cradle" performed by Harry Chapin and written by Harry & Sandy Chapin
(Matthew 1:18-2:23, Luke 2:1-20)

Our child arrived just the other day
He came to the world as the Truth and the Way
But they were trained to catch and kill the babe
We learned to watch out and run away
But He was born before they knew it or had a clue
I said, my son will be like You, God
I know He's gonna be like You

And the Christ's in the stable
Cause they filled the rooms
Little boy, who are You? Man, if they knew!
When they gonna know that? I don't know when
But we'll get to Heaven then
You know we'll have a good time then

Our son went to temple the other day
I said, Thanks for the boy, God -- His mom just prayed
Then two people who showed up had a lot to say
And they were prophets, too, I said that's so strange
And they walked away, but they smiled as they did, I said
My goodness, they liked Him, yeah
You know, they really seemed to like Him

And the Christ in the stable
Will fulfill them soon
Little boy, who are You? Man, if they knew!
When they gonna know that? I don't know when
But we'll get to Heaven then
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, they came a-callin' just the other day
Such nice wise men, I just had to say
Wondered how they knew and brought gifts for the child
Just look, they said, overhead, with a smile
Well, it's really quite rad but we followed the star's beams
To see the leader that its advent means

And the Christ in the stable
Will fulfill them soon
Little boy, who are You? Man, if they knew!
When they gonna know, Son? I don't know when
But we'll get to Heaven then, yeah
I know we'll have a good time then

My lungs seem so tired, my son's come of age
I call Him "son" for His mother's sake
I said, I'd like to see You fulfill those signs
Except my health's too bad
Look like it's time to die
You see, I knew God could handle anything You'll go through
But it's sure nice watchin' Him do that
It's been sure nice adoptin' You too

And as I run up to go into eternity
Jehovah, yes, I see
My boy looks just like Thee

And the Christ in the stable
Will be killed real soon
Little boy, who are You? Man, if they knew!
When they gonna know the Son? I don't know when
But they'll get to Heaven then, yeah
They're gonna have a good time then

Matthew 1:20
But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit."


Excuse Me, Pal, It's Christmastime
Parody of Purple Haze performed and written by Jimi Hendrix
(John 15:18-20, 1 John 3:10-15, Psalm 2:1-12)

People hate and rip my faith
But they get
Paid vacations on Christmas day
They act real funny when I ask them why
They tell me
"Excuse me, pal, it's Christmastime."

People hate and told my town:
"Don't go put Christmas stuff on public ground!"
Planned on having a Nativity
Whatever it is, that's worse than a felony

Help me! Oh! Help me! Oh!
Oh no, no, no!

Spoken:
If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.

Yeah!
People hate on Jesus Christ
Don't know that He could save their lives
If I preached Buddha, then no one would mind
Guess I'm
Too narrow for such defensive times

Ooh – Help me! Oh! Yeah, people hate!

Spoken:
Why do the heathen rage, and the people imagine a vain thing? The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the Lord, and against his anointed, saying, Let us break their bands asunder, and cast away their cords from us. He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh:

John 15:18
"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first."


Nice Iced Pavement
Parody of "Ice Ice Baby" performed by Vanilla Ice and written by Vanilla Ice, Earthquake, Freddie Mercury, Brian May, Roger Taylor, John Deacon & David Bowie
(James 1:2-3, Romans 8:28, 1 Peter 5:7)

Yo, see my tree!
It's Christmas!

Nice iced pavement
Nice iced pavement

All-night shopping – I had to take a list in
Ice is packed on my windshield – it glistens
Some kid said the roads will be icy
Closed up the shop when I paid and left light speed
Will this weather stop? Yo, I don't know
Scrape off the ice – it won't go!
Through the extremes I walk on ice 'cause my van won't
Start up -- it seems I need a jump or I can't go
And – I'm wearin' sneakers not boots
They're fillin' with rain looks like I'm going to be slush soon
Lovely – man, my baby toe's killin' me
And I didn't dress to the best of my ability
Rough or leave it – you bet I can't stay
The weather is cold out and it's no sleigh
Guess I've got a problem – no one saw it
Just have to hope for a heat wave to thaw it

Nice iced pavement
A really nice iced pavement
A really nice iced pavement
A really nice iced pavement
A really

Now, I'll get my battery jumpin'
Triple A checks in but I think he's not comin'
Says there's no point in appointment makin'
"Look at them streets, guy, the plows can't take it
Minimum of a six-hour window"
I go crazy when I hear that info
I hide that – what a screwed-up trip, though
I wanna roll – it's time to throw snowballs
Throwin' maybe five or so
So my rage stopped now but my hands just froze
Don't really understand why I'm waitin' just to pray, right?
Did you start? No, I just nosedived
Slipped on a sewer grate I stepped on
I bust my lip and now my head is oozin' red stuff
I talked with God, yo, and I continued to
Pray and pray
Different attitude!

Nerves were shot, but I'm blessed, yes indeedy
Often troubles drive a man who's needy
To Jesus
'Cause about then I find
A manger display and I knew it was a sign
Ready for a jump after all
I jump like Jack-be-nimble 'cause I'm full of faith, y'all
From God – sprang up like a well
I grab my side 'cause I hurt myself
Falling on the concrete feels bad
But something bizarre – came out of that
Suffered some bumps there, I have a bruised back
I'm tryin' to find my way back home but I feel jacked
But peaceful and serene – you know what I mean?
And that's enough -- I'm lovin' all the snow scenes
If I got some problems, yo, He'll solve 'em
Just have to look how He keeps Earth revolvin'

Nice iced pavement
A really nice iced pavement
A really nice iced pavement
A really nice iced pavement
A really

Make heat 'cause I'm a really cold poet
My head has lost some steam from encasing it in snow, it's
Like mounds of mashed potatoes on my face now
I'd love to take and stick coals on the ground
If it sounds like I'm cynical still
People, my disposition is chill
But tucked in and warm with the help of a compress
Would make it nice --- with a ton of gifts
Christmas displays guide my way
Lights that can singe ya
What? That's my neighbor's place!
So glad – on the street I just ran
You're right; that was dumb -- I fell on ice again
Remind me, won't ya, that it's time to get boots
But tonight's not the night while I sip my soup
With those other problems, yo, He'll solve 'em
Just got me home now -- He'll be there for all of 'em

Nice iced pavement
A really nice iced pavement
A really nice iced pavement
A really nice iced pavement
A really

Snow, man, let's get out of here
Worst weather ever!

Nice iced payment – too cold
Nice iced payment – too cold, too cold
Nice iced payment – too cold, too cold
Nice iced payment – too cold, too cold

Under the weather
Under the weather
Weather, weather

1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.


Wise Men Still
Parody of "Can't Help Falling in Love" performed by Elvis Presley and UB40 and written by Hugo Peretti, Luigi Creatore & George David Weiss
(Matthew 2:1-12, Micah 5:2, Number 24:17)

Wise men came
Only fools snubbed Him
But wise men still
Follow and trust Him too

Shall I pray
Would You please come in
For wise men still
Follow and trust in You

Micah he foretold
Showed where you would be
Star brings those with gold
Some kings are led to Thee

Take my gifts
Take my whole life, too
For wise men still
Follow and trust in You

Micah he foretold
Showed where you would be
Star brings those with gold
Some kings are led to Thee

Take my sins
Make my old life new
For wise men still
Follow and trust in You

For wise men still
Follow and trust in You


Matthew 2:1
After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, "Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star in the east and have come to worship him."


We Didn't Start MessiahParody of "We Didn't Start the Fire" performed and written by Billy Joel(Genesis 3:15, Revelation 13:8)Perfect humans, had it made, then they kind of went astraySought the serpent for their wisdom so they had to goThough the Lord made a predictionSoon the lady'd have some kids andFrom her seed would come to be the Man who'd win my soul
So the Lord made some coverings that came fromAnimals He skinned alive, animals that had to dieAfter that a bad scene, Cain has got a cruel schemeOffering some old vegetables his sacrifice was nullified

We didn't start Messiah
Yet we're always yearning for the Lord's returning
We didn't start Messiah
No, the Israelites already prophesied Him
Though his brother's plan was flawedAbel had a lamb for GodSacrificed it and God liked it, Cain was ticked offAbel's done, murder one, Adam and Eve had another sonNamed him Seth now Cain has got a spotSeth's line, Cain's seed, both left God as sin increased
They could not foresee the plan – salvation through just one man
But Noah knew a bit – wound up on a cruise ship
In the waves, they were saved, God knows what He's doin'
We didn't start Messiah
Yet we're always yearning for the Lord's returning
We didn't start Messiah
No, the Israelites already prophesied Him
Noah docked after that and he built an altar atA spot where it was dry and he probably lit a fire Seven pairs of animals that were clean were availableBrought them for sacrifice – tell me what that symbolized
Oh, oh
But he'd hardly been there became drunk and lost his shirt Canaanites were past hope, Shem was blessed by Noah, though
Who do Shemites be? Abraham and then his seed
Always check for types, bro, Melchizadek is one of those

We didn't start Messiah
Yet we're always yearning for the Lord's returning
We didn't start Messiah
No, the Israelites already prophesied Him

Spent three days with Isaac, Abraham surmised if
He killed him in faith then Yahweh still could raise him
The Lord He saw the faith he had -- didn't need to take the lad
Showed him a ram – Abe said He'd provide the lamb
Close call -- Isaac blessed Jacob, all his kids were next
Jacob claimed that someday – one from Judah had to reign

We didn't start Messiah
Yet we're always yearning for the Lord's returning
We didn't start Messiah
No, the Israelites already prophesied Him

Brother Joe, where's he been? In the depths and back again
Big shot – who'd have thought God would raise Joe's stock?
Made a break to palace life, there he sat at Pharaoh's right
Highest ruler in the land, brothers did not understand
Little Moses has arrived, government infanticide
From Egypt Moses left, plagues, Passover kept
Find a perfect lamb that's pure
Stripes of blood are on the door
Rock with water, Yom Kippur
I can tell ya many more

We didn't start Messiah
Yet we're always yearning for the Lord's returning
We didn't start Messiah
But when we are gone
He will still live on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

We didn't start Messiah
Yet we're always yearning since the Lord's returning
We didn't start Messiah
No, He isn't hiding – if you try you'll find Him

We didn't start Messiah
Yet we're always yearning since the Lord's returning
We didn't start Messiah
No, He isn't hiding – if you try you'll find Him

We didn't start Messiah
Yet we're always yearning since the Lord's returning
We didn't start Messiah
No, He isn't hiding – if you try you'll find Him

Revelation 13:8b ... all whose names have not been written in the book of life belonging to the Lamb that was slain from the creation of the world.