Crowd shot masthead ApologetiX Logo Keith Haynie plays bassBill Hubauer plays lead guitarJ. Jackson sings leadJimmy Vegas Tanner plays drums

What songs are on That's Too Bad (2018)?

Our 53rd CD, That's Too Bad, was released in December 2018:

Here's what's on it:

1. Bad Foreign Girls - Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen
2. She's Got Cooties - She's a Beauty - The Tubes
3. Dumb Questions - Come Dancing - The Kinks
4. Embarrassing Moments - American Woman - The Guess Who
5. Soakin' in the Lord's Book - Smokin' in the Boys Room - Brownsville Station
6. The War in You - The Warrior - Scandal Featuring Patty Smyth
7. Bad Things for a Good Time - Nothin' but a Good Time - Poison
8. It's a Long Way to the Dock (if You Wanna Stop in Rome) - It's a Long Way to the Top (if You Wanna Rock 'n' Roll) - AC/DC
9. Everybody Burps - Everybody Hurts - REM
10. Campaign to Jehovah -Champagne Supernova - Oasis
11. Bible O'Really - Baba O'Riley - The Who
12. On the Road Away from Home - Take Me Home, Country Roads - John Denver
13. Steelers Make it Tough - Feel Like Makin' Love - Bad Company

Here are the lyrics:

Bad Foreign Girls
Parody of "Fat Bottomed Girls" performed by Queen and written by Brian May
(Matthew 1:3-16, Luke 3:23-38, Genesis 38:1-30, 2 Samuel 11:1-12:25, Ruth 4:12)

Are you goin' to Rahab's home tonight?
Oh how'd she hide them Israelites?
Oh dude, once you've read it you'll find out
Bad foreign girls they made a lot of walls fall down

Hey-uh!
I was just assuming that
There never grew no good from bad
But I knew Matthew 1 it lists Christ's family tree (huh!)
Checked the roots way before Mary
There were several naughty ladies
These strange women -- they make up Christ's biology
Hey! Hey!

Woo!

I ain't sayin' Ruth was bad
But she's foreign -- like her dad
And she left from Moab to the other way (hey)
But she married Rahab's child
Lived like a Jew after a while
They're just two unlikely ladies in the line

(C'mon!)
Oh, God turned Tamar's wrong to right
Oh, birthed a tribe of Israelites
Oh, with forgiveness all through God
Bad foreign girls they made a lot of walls fall down
Bad foreign girls they made a lot of walls fall down
MINI LEAD

Hey, listen here uh
Now, I've got more than just was shown
Christ's ancestors sat on thrones
And there's Jewish queens in His genealogy (I'll tell ya)
Oh, but don't forget Bathsheba
She's not just David's diva
She ain't foreign (but) she done made a big mess of things
(Now get this)

Are (I wanna know) you gonna take my strong advice (please)
All I've described there led to Christ
Oh dude, once you've read it you'll find out
Bad foreign girls they made a lot of walls fall down (yeah)
Bad foreign girls they made a lot of walls fall down

Get out your Bible and read!

Oooooooooh yeah-eh, oh yeah
Them bad foreign girls
(Bad foreign girls)
Yeah yeah -- yeah
Alllll right I didn't count on 'em
(Bad foreign girls)
Yes, yes, right

Matthew 1:5-6
Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab, Boaz the father of Obed, whose mother was Ruth, Obed the father of Jesse, and Jesse the father of King David.

She's Got Cooties
Parody of "She's a Beauty" performed by The Tubes and written by Fee Waybill, David Foster & Steve Lukather
(Matthew 9:18-22, Mark 5:24-34, Luke 8:41-48, Leviticus 15:25-33)

Crept right up and though she's shy
You know, she still got to Jesus Christ
She got healed and lightning fast
And nobody liked her but she got past
Jesus looked beside Him on the road
He said, "Who touched Me a minute ago?"
Remember when you're in the crowd

(Ya don't fool the Lord)
She's got cooties
(He wanted to heal the girl)
Jesus knew this
(Why run and hide?)
Why run and hide?

You could say that it changed her life
When her hand touched the cloak of Christ
Still God knew and He planned it first
But He's got cures, too, for all her hurts

(Ah uh uh uh)
She'd been left outside to live alone
(Left outside alone)
Yet that all changed a minute ago
(Ah uh uh uh)
Remember when you're in the crowd

(Ya don't fool the Lord)
She's got cooties
(He wanted to heal the girl)
Wanted to heal the girl
(Why run and hide?)
Why run and hide?
(Ya don't fool the Lord)
Cause it's in Luke 8, Mark 5, and 9 Matthew
(He wanted to heal the girl)
Wanted to heal the girl
(Why run and hide?)
Now why run and hide? Oh!

LEAD
(God so loved the world)

(Ya don't fool the Lord)
We've got cooties
(He wanted to heal the world)
Wanted to heal the world
(Why run and hide?)
Now, why run and hide?
(Ya don't fool the Lord)
'Cause He's the Truth, He'll find out, the Lord loves you
(He's wantin' to heal the world)
Just wantin' to heal the world
(Why run and hide?)
Why run and hide?
(Ya don't fool the Lord)
(He's wantin' to heal the world)
(Why run and hide?)

Luke 8:47
Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed.


Dumb Questions
Parody of "Come Dancing" performed by The Kinks and written by Ray Davies
(Matthew 12:1-12, 19:3-9, 21:23-27, 22:15-46; Mark 11:27-12:40; Luke 11:53-54, 20:1-47)

They put an awful lot on this Jesus man
With their stupid arguments and rants
The Lord had to put up with their morality
And despite that used to speak with local Pharisees
They said, "These things that You do are OK
"But is it kosher on the Sabbath Day?"

Dumb question
What if your lamb should slip down a hole?
Why not go get him?
We'd all do that, you know

And all the Sadducees would lie in wait
They would be rowdy, but He'd always set them straight
They would all ask Him for dissertations
About the most unlikely made-up situations
He'd end up showing all their ways were rather weak
Our Lord was subtle but He stepped on their feet

Dumb question
About that widow surviving seven men
And when they asked dumb questions
Christ's wit demolished them

Christ's answers showed incredible insight
But their minds were always filled up with hate
It always ended up as a big blow
When Christ's wisdom proved them second-rate

How could they win, though?
I could see them in the moonlight
Troops in their midst, waiting for Christ, by the garden gate

The day they brought Christ to Pilate
The experts stood outside
The day they brought Christ to Pilate
All of them thought He'd die just die
LEAD

Now He rose up and they aren't in the land
But there's some chaps out there who still don't understand
Life isn't merely intellectual debates
And God has shown us there is no time to waste
We know they've said a lot of things we can ignore
But if they ask us a hundred fifty more
Dumb questions -- let us answer them with help from God
Don't be afraid of dumb questions -- He don't need astronauts
Dumb questions -- just like the Lord, we oughta set 'em straight
Don't be afraid of dumb questions -- or the things that you should say

Luke 11:53-54
When Jesus went outside, the Pharisees and the teachers of the law began to oppose him fiercely and to besiege him with questions, waiting to catch him in something he might say.


Embarrassing Moments
Parody of "American Woman" performed by The Guess Who and written by Burton Cummings, Garry Peterson, Jim Kale & Randy Bachman
(Matthew 26:31-35, 26:69-75; Mark 14:27-31, 14:66-72; Luke 22:31-34, 22:54-62; John 13:36-38, 18:15-27)

Mmm-mmm
Da un da da
Mmm mm
Da un da da
Mmm mm
Da uh

Embarrassing moments gonna mess your mind
Embarrassing moments they gonna mess your mind
Mmmm Embarrassing moments gonna mess your mind
Mm! Embarrassing moments gonna mess up your mind

I say, E -- uh
I say, M mm!
Say, B
A-R
Say, R
Then A
Say, S
Sinnnn mmmm
Embarrassing moments gonna mention mine
Mmm -- Embarrassing moments gonna mess your mind
Uh! Embarrassing moments gonna mess up your mind

Uhh!

Embarrassing moments made a name for me
Embarrassing moments but my nickname's "Pete"
They brought a gang to surround my Lord
I don't got a hero's faith no more
I've got more important things to do
Then see my life goin' down the tubes
At that moment I fled straight away-hay
Embarrassing moments affectin' what I say-hey-hey-hey-ey-ey

Embarrassing moments get the best of me
Embarrassing moments come in sets of three
Don't want 'em talkin' about my Lord
Don't want my ego shattered no more
I hope Christ can sympathize -- until someone else denies
Now no one had better wave
Embarrassing moments -- guess I'm not so brave hey-hey
LEAD

Embarrassing moments I'd best get away
Embarrassing moments to live another day
Don't wanna hang here around my Lord
Don't wanna squeal or face the sword
I know they want more of His sheep
I know we won't get off free
C'mon guys, I'm petrified
Cock crows somewhere else tonight
Now someone -- had better pray for me
Embarrassing moments are my legacy

Though -- on a better day -- I would never cave
Now, no, no, no
I'm not free at the moment I'm not me at the moment
I tried but I lied
And I cried now I hide

Don't go look for me I won't look for you
'Cause I looked Truth right in the eye
He told me what I'd go and do
You know that I believe
He knew it long ago
He knew that I would leave
He knew I'd run and go from Him
I'm not the leader He wanted
Looks like I'm scared of the moment
Looks like a vanishin' trick

Matthew 26:75
Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: "Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times."(CC) And he went outside and wept bitterly.


Soakin' in the Lord's Book
Parody of "Smokin' in the Boys Room" performed by Brownsville Station and written by Cub Koda & Michael Lutz
(Isaiah 40:8, Hebrews 4:12, 2 Timothy 3:16, Acts 4:19, 1 Peter 1:24-25)

How you doin' out there?
You ever seem to have one of those days
When it just seems like everybody's rippin' on your faith
From your teacher all the way down to your ex-girlfriend?
Well, you know, I used to have them just about all the time
But I found a way to get out of it
Let me tell you 'bout it

Sittin' in the classroom my thinkin' hits a snag
There's some things they teach us that just ain't the facts
The school tells us things I know that aren't true
I'm gonna read the Book that they don't want me to

Openin' the Lord's Book
Soakin' in the Lord's Book
Now, teacher, don't ya kill me for bustin' the rules
'Cause everybody knows that
Book it ain't allowed in school

The experts down the hall make the school board's choices clear:
Books on the occult, though there ain't no Bibles here
If I study things with Peter and Paul
To get caught with them would be the death of us all

Openin' the Lord's Book Yeah-eh!
Soakin' in the Lord's Book
Now, teacher don't ya kill me for bustin' the rules
'Cause everybody knows that
Book it ain't allowed in school

Alriiiiight!
LEAD

Well, the Book says His Word is a two-edged sword
Check out that there's an all-out war
Believers then took it -- to read underground
2000 years later you know where I'll be found

Openin' the Lord's Book -- yes indeed, I'll be
Soakin' in the Lord's Book
Now, teacher don't ya kill me for bustin' your rules
'Cause everybody knows that
Book it ain't allowed in school

One more!
Openin' the Lord's Book -- uh-oh!
Soakin' in the Lord's Book
Now, teacher -- Isaiah 40 -- verse 8 -- is the truth
But everybody knows that
Book it ain't allowed in school

Isaiah 40:8
"The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever."


The War in You
Parody of "The Warrior" performed by Scandal featuring Patty Smyth and written by Nick Gilder & Holly Knight
(Romans 7:15-8:39, Ephesians 6:10-18, 1 John 4:4, 2 Corinthians 10:4, Colossians 1:27, Hebrews 4:15)

Ohhhhhh oh oh oh ohhhhh
Oh oh oh whoa oh oh oh oh

You're undone you run away
Cause your heart led you astray
Failing God a hundred times
How could your Lord still sympathize?

When is His love limited?
He brought gifts for the war ahead
Break out of passivity
And follow me and stare at First John 4, child
I think you'll feel
Verse 4's real wild

Supernatural walls are falling slam bang!
I sense the war in you
But I sense some more in you
It's not too hard to win if you serve Christ
The Lord in you -- is more in you

You don't know what you need
You'll find such things biblically
Things we need to take the fight
Ephesians 6, the armor of Christ
Oh oh ho oh

Use that armor use your faith
You need to read -- Romans 8
The Holy Ghost He intercedes
I don't wanna name your innermost trials
We'll all be changed they'll be gone in a while

Supernatural walls are falling slam bang!
I sense the war in you
But I sense some more in you
It's not too hard to win if you serve Christ
The Lord in you
Is more in you
I sense the Lord in you
LEAD

Supernatural walls are falling
(Supernatural walls are falling)
The war in you
I sense the war in you
It's not too hard to win
Not too hard to win if you serve Christ
The Lord in you
Is more in you
Supernatural walls are falling slam bang!
I sense the war in you
But I sense some more in you
There's victory in Christ
(Supernatural walls are falling) Don't worry, you
I sense the Lord in you
Supernatural walls are falling slam bang!
I sense the war in you
But I sense some more in you

1 John 4:4
You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.


Bad Things for a Good Time
Parody of "Nothin' but a Good Time" performed by Poison and written by Bobby Dall, C.C. DeVille, Bret Michaels, Rikki Rockett & Jordi Carretero
(Colossians 3:1-10, Philippians 4:8, Ecclesiastes 2:1-11, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, 2 Corinthians 4:2, 1 Peter 4:3-4)

Now Iisten
I'm not a zombie and I ain't Clark Kent
I can barely make it through -- I'm weak
Every night I used to take on the world
But not now I had to break that streak

I know the world enslaved me every day
God said, let Me break off those shameful shackles
I needed His help to get away
But lookee here today
This is what I say

Don't need bad things for a good time
Now, man, I resist
Ain't lookin' to bad things for a good time
'Cause the Lord is better than this

Instead of spendin' my money on women and wine
A Bible study's where I spent last night
I read 'bout Solomon and just like him
I lived my life for fun and every passing whim

But all the worst things enslaved me every day
Glad to get a break from those shameful shackles
I needed Jesus to show the Way
But lookee here today
This is what I say

Don't need bad things for a good time
Now when I resist
I'm lookin' to God's things for a good time
And they don't get better than His

You see, I
I praise the Lord for callin' us
And for takin' us back when we stray
He wanted a good life for us in Christ
Lord, thank goodness for grace, yeah! Hallelujah!
LEAD

Don't need bad things for a good time
How can I resist?
Hey, look in Philippians -- 4:8, you'll find
There's a long incredible list

Don't need bad things for a good time
How can I resist?
Hey, look in Colossians for some good lines
In 3:1 through 10 about this

Colossians 3:2
Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.


It's a Long Way to the Dock (If You Wanna Stop in Rome)
Parody of "It's a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock 'n' Roll)" performed by AC/DC and written by Angus Young, Malcolm Young & Bon Scott
(Acts 9:1-30, 14:19-20, 14:21-22, 21:27-36, 25:1-28:16; 2 Corinthians 5:7, 11:16-33)

Blinded on the highway
So many years ago
Paul's been walkin' by faith
Savin' lots of souls
Gettin' mobbed gettin' stoned
Gettin' chained up far from home
Yet he had what it took
I tell you, folks
He oughta write a book

It's a long way to the dock if you wanna stop in Rome
It's a long way to the dock if you wanna stop in Rome

If you -- think it's easy doin' what Christ planned
Try bein' an Apostle, man
It's a long way to the dock if you wanna stop in Rome

No swell hotels
Stays where God provides
Lately it's a jail cell
'Cause of preachin' Christ
Gettin' bold gettin' brave
Gettin' shipwrecked from the waves
Gettin' cold check the sand
That's how a gross snake it bit his hand

It's a long way to the dock if you wanna stop in Rome
It's a long way to the dock if you wanna stop in Rome

If you -- wanna see how Paul could stay extreme
Look up Acts 9:16
It's a long way to the dock if you wanna stop in Rome
It's a long way to the dock if you wanna stop in Rome

Oh, it's a long way
Oh, it's a long way
(That's what he told me)
It's a long way
Such a long way

Acts 9:15-16
But the Lord said to Ananias, "Go! This man is my chosen instrument to proclaim my name to the Gentiles and their kings and to the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name."


Everybody Burps
Parody of "Everybody Hurts" performed by REM and written by Bill Berry, Peter Buck, Mike Mills & Michael Stipe
(Romans 2:1-11, 3:10, 3:23; Ecclesiastes 7:20; 2 Chronicles 6:36; Acts 4:12; 1 Timothy 2:5)

Well, don't take this wrong -- and deny it
But at night you snore a lot
And your snoring's bad enough
But your wife's is like King Kong

Don't let yourself gloat
Forget your crummy pride
'Cause everybody burps -- sometimes

Some guys never think they're wrong
Now that's why I sing this song

Well, your neighbors might do wrong
(Hold on, hold on, hold on)
But you're still not better, though
If you think Romans 2:1
Isn't right well, hang on

'Cause everybody burps
Take comfort in that fact
Everybody burps -- don't throw it back
Whoa-oh-oh-oh no
Don't go and brag
You're still not good enough
No, no, no not at all

If you're on the ropes in this life
Put faith in Christ alone
When you think you've done too much
To get right well, hang on

'Cause everybody burps but some find
Everyone needs Christ
Everybody's heard -- come find

But everybody burps sometimes
A whole lot, a whole lot, a whole lot, a whole lot
(No, no, no, no, no)
A whole lot, a whole lot, a whole lot, a whole lot
(No, no, no, no, no)
(No, no, no, no, no you oughta know)

Romans 2:1-11
You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.


Campaign to Jehovah
Parody of "Champagne Supernova" performed by Oasis and written by Noel Gallagher
(Exodus 3:14-15; Isaiah 43:10-11; John 8:24; Hebrews 1:5; Acts 1:8, 2 John 1:7-11)

Now that the special people came
Now that you've learned Jehovah's name
Where will you and me be when we die?
So they knocked upon your door askin' if you're scared of war
Where were you in 1975?
Someday you will find out hopefully on this side
That their campaign to Jehovah is a lie
Someday you will find out underneath the lamplight
That their campaign to Jehovah, their campaign to Jehovah is a lie

Wake up, they warn, the time is nigh
They believe that Jesus Christ
Is Michael the archangel in disguise
Chosen ones devour it all back there at the Kingdom Hall
Never knew 'bout Hebrews 1, verse 5
Someday you will find out hopefully on this side
That you can't pray to Jehovah without Christ
Someday you will find out underneath the lamplight
That they can't claim proof for those ones, they can't claim truth to no one

Those people believe that they've gotta use the name of Jehovah
But Jesus Christ has specified
"You must believe I AM or else you'll die"
Why, why, why, why?

How many special people gained
Heavenly lives to live and reign
In 1914 and '25?
So they mock the thought of hell Pastor Russell taught 'em well
Where do you think he went when he died?
Someday you will find out hopefully on this side
That their campaign to Jehovah is a lie
Subtly redefining unbelief for man's pride
In a campaign to Jehovah -- they can't blame goofs on no one

Those people believe that they're gonna get away from Gehenna
They'll live their lives in Paradise
They won't be Heaven bound they don't know why
Why, why, why, why?

Nah, nah, nah
Nah-ah nah, nah-ah nah
Nah, nah, nah
Nah-ah nah, nah-ah nah
Nah nah, nah nah
Nah, nah, nah

How come their special teachings changed?
How come their Bible did the same?
Where were you while these were set aside?

These were set aside (Woooooo oooh)
These were set aside

Acts 1:8
"but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be My witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and even to the remotest part of the earth."

Whose witnesses? Jesus' witnesses!


Bible O'Really
Parody of "Baba O'Riley" performed by The Who and written by Pete Townshend
(2 Timothy 3:16, Matthew 24:35, Mark 13:31, Luke 21:33, 2 Peter 3:16, Revelation 22:18-19)

Now here is the deal
The Bible is real
It gets attacked by pseudo-Christians
I don't need those guys
To approve one line
I don't need to see revisions

Most times those treasured lines
Get thrown in New Age waste cans

It's time to take a stand
The battle's so close at hand
Pull out your Bibles and mobilize the soldiers
The evidence is clear
But half the world won't hear
Let's get the word out
Before they get much bolder

LEAD

New Age waste cans, oh yeah
They're thrown in New Age waste cans
New Age waste cans
New Age waste cans
They're all atheists!

2 Peter 3:16
He writes the same way in all his letters, speaking in them of these matters. His letters contain some things that are hard to understand, which ignorant and unstable people distort, as they do the other Scriptures, to their own destruction.


On the Road, Away from Home
Parody of "Take Me Home, Country Roads" performed by John Denver and written by Bill Danoff, Taffy Nivery & John Denver
(Luke 10:29-37)

Almost wrecked in West Virginia
Two-lane mountain
Ran into a ditch there
By the shoulder
Phone was dead, help, please!
Other than a Browns fan
No one stopped for me

On the road away from home
Who will take time to stop?
Guess again, y'all!
Samaritan moment
Away from home -- on the road

Although many passed around there
My friend saved me
Strangers can do wonders
Brought some groceries
Paid the tow-truck guy
Mister, thanks to you, I
Feel God in my life

On the road away from home
Who will take time to stop?
Guess again, y'all!
Samaritan moment
Away from home -- on the road

I hear the voice of the Steelers fans who scold me
Maybe you'll remind me of our old rivalry
But while he's on the phone
I put a Steeler bumper sticker
On his Chevrolet
Chevrolet

On the road away from home
Who will take time to stop?
Guess again, y'all!
Samaritan moment
Away from home -- on the road

On the road away from home
Who will take time to stop?
Guess again, y'all!
Samaritan moment
Away from home -- on the road

Away from home now on the road
Away from home now on the road

Luke 10:33
But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.



Steelers Make it Tough
Parody of "Feel Like Makin' Love" performed by Bad Company and written by Mick Ralphs & Paul Rodgers
(Luke 12:24, 2 Timothy 2:5)

Ravens when I think about them
I think about blood
Harbaugh I could live without him
And Terrell Suggs
And if I had those golden teams
Of my yesterdays (yesterdays)
I'd gift wrap you number 7
In a giant (giant, giant) trophy case
Steelers, baby

Steelers make it tough
Steelers make it tough
Steelers make it tough
Steelers make it tough to lose

Cleveland if I think of that crew
I think about mud
Dawg Pound they're uncivilized dudes
In stinky, brown stuff
And if I had a son who moved
To Cleveland blindly (blindly)
I'd forgive him, but I would say
Son, Daddy's dyin' (dyin')
Steelers baby

Steelers make it tough
Steelers make it tough
Steelers make it tough
Steelers make it tough to lose

LEAD

And if our draft is all it seems
And guys get to play (get to play)
I would bet you number 7
Will soon be finally (finally, finally) on the way
Steelers, baby

Steelers make it tough
Steelers make it tough
Steelers make it tough
Steelers make it tough to lose

Well, the Steelers make it tough
Well, the Steelers make it tough
Well, the Steelers make it tough (Woooh!)
Steelers make it tough to lose

Well, the Steelers make it tough (Yeah?)
Well, the Steelers make it tough
Well, the Steelers make it tough
Steelers make it tough to lose

Well, the Steelers make it tough (Woooh!)
Well, the Steelers make it tough
Well, the Steelers make it tough
Steelers make it tough to lose (Yeah!)

Well, the Steelers make it tough

Luke 12:24
Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!