Prayer Request from a Fan
Fri., May. 1. 2020 1:45pm EDT
A fan emailed us in response to last week's article about what J. has been reading lately. His email contained a special prayer request, and he gave us permission to share it, although we're going to withhold his identity. Here's what he said:
Wow, I wish I could say I had the same appetite for books. Of all the books you listed (other than the Bible), the only one I've read is Me, Myself, and Bob. (I think it is the only one I had heard of other than the Bible, but some of them sounded very interesting.)Please join us in praying for this fan.
I've just never really been a reader. I have a bad habit of starting books and never finishing them. The most notable in that category are Heaven (Randy Alcorn), Pilgrim's Progress, and Mere Christianity. I only got few chapters into the latter. It requires a lot of concentration. Not light reading by any means, as I'm guessing you know.
Two lesser known books I've almost finished reading are Switch on Your Brain (Dr. Caroline Leaf) and The Disconnected Man (Jim Turner). I'm using what I learned in the former to perform "brain surgery" on my own brain, by "taking captive" unhealthy thoughts and replacing them with truth. (Most of these unhealthy thoughts center around the narcissism I'm trying to defeat, which has lead to many years of chronic criticism and complaining.
The latter book lead me to realize that I am "disconnected" from the people who love me most. In other words, I don't think much about my wife and children unless they are right in front of me or I am praying for them, which I do almost daily. To put it another way, I don't CHERISH them, even though they are important to me. I would take a bullet for any of them, but if one of them died, I would hardly miss them. This disconnectedness and my Asperger's/narcissism have been the one-two punch that has killed my marriage.
I'm afraid the only reason we are still together is the kids, and she is not convinced that a divorce is worse than a dysfunctional marriage. I just want to hold on because in my mind there is still hope. In her mind, though, I'm afraid all hope is gone.
I've been to two different counselors in the past few years, which has helped some with the Asperger's/narcissism (over which I feel like I have some control, in the form of the aforementioned "brain surgery"), but I'm at a loss for how to deal with the disconnectedness. I'm humbling myself to ask for prayer from as many as will pray for me.
It is only reasonable that God would want me to be relational, since I am created in his image, and he is relational. I don't know whether is is through my own petition or through the intercession of many on my behalf that he has ordained that I would acquire the ability to connect with and cherish those who are closest to me, but I have faith that it is his will. (How could it not be?)
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