Crowd shot masthead ApologetiX Logo Keith Haynie plays bassBill Hubauer plays lead guitarJ. Jackson sings leadJimmy Vegas Tanner plays drums
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06.26.17New CD in Stock, Buy 1 Get 1 of 28 Titles Free
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06.17.17ApologetiX: That Christian Wedding Band?
06.17.17Clues for Sunday Night's Single
06.15.17Fans from 28 States Coming to 25th Anniversary Show
06.09.17New Single Spoofs Two American Bands
06.09.17Norway to Heaven: Fan Mail from Scandinavia
06.09.17An Edifying Email from a Delaware DJ
06.09.17Get a Custom ApX Lapel Pin
06.09.17The Title and Theme of Our Upcoming 48th CD
06.02.17Prayers for ApX at the Wailing Wall in Israel
06.02.17Ohio Man Says ApX Show Was a High Point in His Life
06.02.17Clues for Our Upcoming Single
05.30.17ApologetiX Needs Summer Help and Prayer
05.26.17Fan Mail from a Science Teacher in MI
05.23.17New Single is a Sequel: Poisonous Scorpions Vol. 2
05.20.17Keith Haynie Returns from Nashville, Rumors Abound
05.20.17Seats Filling Fast for 25th Anniversary Show in August
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05.18.17Custom ApX Lapel Pins Available
05.15.17Autographed CD Sale Ends Tuesday
05.12.17New Single is Our Most Creative Ever
05.12.177 Autographed CDs (Ends Tuesday)
05.12.1710 Little Opinions: Brief Notes from Fans All Over
05.12.17Happy Birthday, Moose!
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05.05.17Clues for Our Next Single
05.05.17Some Scriptural Thoughts About Cinco de Mayo
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04.28.17Bible Quizzers Celebrate with ApX Victory Song
04.28.17How About New Shirts and a New DVD?
04.28.17New Single Spoofs Van Halen & Loverboy
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04.22.17New Zealand Fan Listens to ApX Several Hours a Day
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04.21.17Clues for This Weekend's Single
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04.18.17The Latest News from ApologetiX 4-18-17
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02.06.17New Single (70s & 80s), New USBs, 1000 Tracks Deal
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01.25.17ApX Keyboardist Becomes a Grandfather
01.25.17Sharing ApX (and the Gospel) on the Job in Oregon
01.25.17"Alexa, Play ApologetiX"

Keith Haynie: The Nomar Garciaparra of Nomenclature
Sun., Sep. 24. 2006 3:51am EDT

In 1965, Shirley "Shirley Shirley Bo Birley" Ellis scored one of the year's biggest hit singles with a song called "The Name Game." In 1981, Kim "Bette Davis Eyes" Carnes had one of the year's biggest hit albums "Mistaken Identity." In 2006, the hits keep coming for our bass player, Keith "Insert Name Here" Haynie, whose life is a perpetual name game as a result of multiple mistaken identities.

This process is called "stanning," because it all started back in 1996 at a Waffle House in Georgia, when a waitress mistakenly called him "Stan." Since then, Keith has gone acquired 30 new first names. Here's the latest from our good friend and "Seamstress of the South," Wanda Rose Bush:

I was at the pre-school nursery yesterday sitting with Jacob & Eli, my pastor's kids (a/k/a the Barenaked Babies) while their mom went to the dentist. Keith called on my cell phone and they always love to talk on the phone. Eli (not quite 3) asked if it was Benny or Bobby (that's what they call Jerry --- that's another whole email...) and I told him it was Keith.

For some reason he called him "Kitty Cat."


Here is the documented progression and origin of the names in chronological order:

Stan (Waffle House in Georgia 1996)
Ted (Ohio 1997)
Gary (Bradford PA 1998)
Stu (Lock Haven PA 1999)
Curly (McDonald's in Ohio or Indiana 1999)
Kevin (on the job in Pennsylvania by a thankful customer 1999)
Baby (all-night diner in Reading PA 1999)
Kenny (Denny's in Albany NY 1999)
Rich (church in Donora PA 1999)
Speedo (church in Donora PA by a pastor 1999)
Lee (concert in Houston TX 2000)
Mr. Galparin (airplane on Texas trip 2000)
John Crawford (I can't remember where but it happened 2000)
Brian (concert in Kansas 2000)
Frank (I can't remember where, but it happened 2000)
Sean (concert in Austin TX 2001)
Mark (concert in Sept/Oct 2001 - can't remember where)
Omar (same concert in Sept/Oct 2001 - can't remember where)
Cliff (photographer who took publicity shots 2001)
Ryan (member of Poor Baker's Dozen called him that at a concert in Minnesota 2001)
Ed (some lady said this to Keith's wife, Krista, in October 3 2001)
Kent (Mickey Hall in Oklahoma July 2002, according to her husband, Tom)
Heath (lady at hotel desk in Lansdale PA - May 2003)
Pete (concert promoter in Lansdale PA - May 2003)
Brad (DJ Dave Purin at the WJLU in Daytona/Port Orange FL - September 2003)
Naynie (stage plot in Colorado Springs CO - August 2005)
Kelly (person at Bismarck ND concert - December 2005)
Jeff (lady at his church in a Christmas card - December 2005)
Ken (TSA guy at the Pittsburgh Airport - May 2006)
Craig (concert helper in La Quinta CA - May 2006)
Kitty Cat (child on the phone - September 2006)

And those are just the first names! His last name has been misinterpreted as Haynes, Hiney (a couple of times -- most recently over a loudspeaker at the Minnesota airport in July 2006), and Hayner, in a Grand Rapids newspaper article in June 2006.

Remember: We don't count it if somebody TRIES to give Keith a new name. The beauty of this list of names is that they were names used by people who unintentionally got Keith's name wrong. No cheating!