Crowd shot masthead ApologetiX Logo Keith Haynie plays bassBill Hubauer plays lead guitarJ. Jackson sings leadJimmy Vegas Tanner plays drums
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08.18.17So How Did Things Go at the Anniversary Show?
08.18.17ApologetiX in Green Bay in 2 Months
08.18.17New CD BOGO Sale Ends in 1 Week
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08.18.17Get Multiple Downloads for Any Size Donation
08.18.17New USBs with Complete Library in Stock
08.18.17ApX Keyboardist Todd Waites Has New Video
08.18.17Anniversary Shirts Available for Order Soon
08.05.1725th Anniversary Lapel Pins Now Available
08.05.17ApX: Safe Bet for Sunday School in Reno
08.05.17ApX Parodies Touch Deep in the Heart in Texas
08.05.1725th Anniversary Shirts Coming Next Week
08.05.17Big Show is One Week Away, 80% Full Already
08.02.17New Single Spoofs 2 Hard-Rockin' Classics
07.29.17Clues for Our Next Single
07.29.17ApX Played Nationally on 700 Stations in Australia
07.26.17ApologetiX Needs Help & Prayer Again
07.20.17Minnesota Couple Will Reunite at Anniversary Show
07.20.17The Story Behind Our New Song "Works"
07.17.17New Single (California 80's-Style)
07.14.17Clues for Our Upcoming Single
07.07.17Send Us Your Video for the 25th Anniversary Show
07.07.17Fans from 28 States Coming to 25th Anniversary Show
07.06.17New Single (All 80's), New CD Mailed to Fans
06.30.17Clues for This Weekend's Single
06.30.17Get a Custom ApX Lapel Pin
06.23.17What Songs Are on Our New CD, Zebraic?
06.23.17New CD in Stock, Buy 1 Get 1 of 28 Titles Free
06.23.17New Single Spoofs 'Til Tuesday & REM
06.19.17New Single is Here, New CD is Almost Here
06.17.17ApologetiX: That Christian Wedding Band?
06.17.17Clues for Sunday Night's Single
06.09.17New Single Spoofs Two American Bands
06.09.17Norway to Heaven: Fan Mail from Scandinavia
06.09.17An Edifying Email from a Delaware DJ
06.09.17The Title and Theme of Our Upcoming 48th CD
06.02.17Prayers for ApX at the Wailing Wall in Israel
06.02.17Ohio Man Says ApX Show Was a High Point in His Life
06.02.17Clues for Our Upcoming Single
05.30.17ApologetiX Needs Summer Help and Prayer
05.26.17Fan Mail from a Science Teacher in MI
05.23.17New Single is a Sequel: Poisonous Scorpions Vol. 2
05.20.17Keith Haynie Returns from Nashville, Rumors Abound
05.20.17Seats Filling Fast for 25th Anniversary Show in August
05.20.17Clues for Our Next Single
05.18.17Custom ApX Lapel Pins Available
05.15.17Autographed CD Sale Ends Tuesday
05.12.17New Single is Our Most Creative Ever
05.12.177 Autographed CDs (Ends Tuesday)
05.12.1710 Little Opinions: Brief Notes from Fans All Over
05.12.17Happy Birthday, Moose!
05.08.17Get Multiple Downloads for Any Size Donation
05.05.17Clues for Our Next Single
05.05.17Some Scriptural Thoughts About Cinco de Mayo
05.05.17Clues for Our Next Single
04.28.17Bible Quizzers Celebrate with ApX Victory Song
04.28.17How About New Shirts and a New DVD?
04.28.17New Single Spoofs Van Halen & Loverboy
04.24.17New Single Spoofs 2 Bands That Epitomized the 80's
04.22.17New Zealand Fan Listens to ApX Several Hours a Day
04.22.17ApX as Big in Japan as in the United States
04.21.17Clues for This Weekend's Single
04.21.17New CD BOGO Deal Ends Sunday Night
04.18.17The Latest News from ApologetiX 4-18-17
04.14.17More ApologetiX Easter Videos on YouTube
04.14.17Prayer Request for Longtime Fan in Alabama
04.11.17New Single Spoofs 70s & 80s
04.05.17Happy Birthday, Jimmy "Vegas" Tanner
04.05.17Clue for Replacement Song on Next Single
04.05.17ApX Plays Moon, Venus, and Mars
04.03.17Why Does ApologetiX Need Help Now?
03.30.17What Songs Are on the New CD, Very Vicarious?
03.30.17Air India: ApX Interviewed by Radio One India
03.30.17Come to Our 25th Anniversary Show in August
03.30.17Clues for Sunday Night's Single
03.27.17New CD in Stock, ApX 25th Anniversary Today
03.24.17Moose Music: Rieger Releases Solo Project
03.21.17New Single Spoofs 70s & 90s
03.21.17What Songs Are on the New CD, Very Vicarious?
03.17.17Australian Fan Encouraged by ApX Song
03.17.17Clues for This Weekend's Single
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03.09.17"1000 Tracks for 100 Bucks" Ends Sunday
03.09.17The Title and Theme of Our Upcoming 47th CD
03.09.17Jewish Believer in Wyoming is a New ApX Fan
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03.07.17Bill "Moose" Rieger Set to Release New CD
03.06.17New Single Spoofs the Swingin' 60's
03.04.17ApX Fan Moving to Nepal for Missions
03.04.17Good News from Peewee Valley KY
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03.04.17Todd Waites Back in States from Nicaragua
03.04.17Clues for Sunday Night's Single
02.22.17Amazing Terry Bradshaw Football Card Testimony
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02.22.17Pardon Me, Boy, Was That the Chattanooga New Two?
02.22.17New Single Spoofs Foreigner & Spin Doctors
02.22.17Fan Will Match Your Donations Through Tuesday
02.20.17New Single, Lapel Pins & More

Keith Haynie: The Nomar Garciaparra of Nomenclature
Sun., Sep. 24. 2006 3:51am EDT

In 1965, Shirley "Shirley Shirley Bo Birley" Ellis scored one of the year's biggest hit singles with a song called "The Name Game." In 1981, Kim "Bette Davis Eyes" Carnes had one of the year's biggest hit albums "Mistaken Identity." In 2006, the hits keep coming for our bass player, Keith "Insert Name Here" Haynie, whose life is a perpetual name game as a result of multiple mistaken identities.

This process is called "stanning," because it all started back in 1996 at a Waffle House in Georgia, when a waitress mistakenly called him "Stan." Since then, Keith has gone acquired 30 new first names. Here's the latest from our good friend and "Seamstress of the South," Wanda Rose Bush:

I was at the pre-school nursery yesterday sitting with Jacob & Eli, my pastor's kids (a/k/a the Barenaked Babies) while their mom went to the dentist. Keith called on my cell phone and they always love to talk on the phone. Eli (not quite 3) asked if it was Benny or Bobby (that's what they call Jerry --- that's another whole email...) and I told him it was Keith.

For some reason he called him "Kitty Cat."


Here is the documented progression and origin of the names in chronological order:

Stan (Waffle House in Georgia 1996)
Ted (Ohio 1997)
Gary (Bradford PA 1998)
Stu (Lock Haven PA 1999)
Curly (McDonald's in Ohio or Indiana 1999)
Kevin (on the job in Pennsylvania by a thankful customer 1999)
Baby (all-night diner in Reading PA 1999)
Kenny (Denny's in Albany NY 1999)
Rich (church in Donora PA 1999)
Speedo (church in Donora PA by a pastor 1999)
Lee (concert in Houston TX 2000)
Mr. Galparin (airplane on Texas trip 2000)
John Crawford (I can't remember where but it happened 2000)
Brian (concert in Kansas 2000)
Frank (I can't remember where, but it happened 2000)
Sean (concert in Austin TX 2001)
Mark (concert in Sept/Oct 2001 - can't remember where)
Omar (same concert in Sept/Oct 2001 - can't remember where)
Cliff (photographer who took publicity shots 2001)
Ryan (member of Poor Baker's Dozen called him that at a concert in Minnesota 2001)
Ed (some lady said this to Keith's wife, Krista, in October 3 2001)
Kent (Mickey Hall in Oklahoma July 2002, according to her husband, Tom)
Heath (lady at hotel desk in Lansdale PA - May 2003)
Pete (concert promoter in Lansdale PA - May 2003)
Brad (DJ Dave Purin at the WJLU in Daytona/Port Orange FL - September 2003)
Naynie (stage plot in Colorado Springs CO - August 2005)
Kelly (person at Bismarck ND concert - December 2005)
Jeff (lady at his church in a Christmas card - December 2005)
Ken (TSA guy at the Pittsburgh Airport - May 2006)
Craig (concert helper in La Quinta CA - May 2006)
Kitty Cat (child on the phone - September 2006)

And those are just the first names! His last name has been misinterpreted as Haynes, Hiney (a couple of times -- most recently over a loudspeaker at the Minnesota airport in July 2006), and Hayner, in a Grand Rapids newspaper article in June 2006.

Remember: We don't count it if somebody TRIES to give Keith a new name. The beauty of this list of names is that they were names used by people who unintentionally got Keith's name wrong. No cheating!