Crowd shot masthead ApologetiX Logo Keith Haynie plays bassBill Hubauer plays lead guitarJ. Jackson sings leadJimmy Vegas Tanner plays drums
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01.18.18The Principal and the Parodies
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01.04.18California Fan Comments on New CD
01.04.182017: The Year in Review for ApologetiX
01.04.18The Stories Behind the Songs on Our New Single
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12.21.17New Single: 2 from Our 25th Anniversary Show
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12.14.17So is it Alexa-getiX or Apol-alexa?
12.14.17Clues for This Weekend's Single
12.14.17What's New on the New CD?
12.14.17Complete Your ApX Christmas Playlist
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12.07.17The Story Behind the Title of Our New CD
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11.29.17The Stories Behind Our New Single
11.29.17Update on Our Upcoming 50th CD
11.27.17ApX Needs Holiday Help & Prayers
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11.23.17Get Ready for Our 50th CD
11.23.17Thanksgiving Song and Video for You
11.23.17Clues for Our Next Single
11.23.17Fan Says Thanks for "Thankfully" Song & Video
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11.17.17New Single Spoofs British Invasion Bands
11.17.17Tinch Gets Married & Celebrates Anniversary
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11.15.17Tinch Celebrates His ApX Anniversary
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10.07.17The Title and Theme of Our Upcoming 49th CD
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09.18.17New Single Spoofs 70's & 80's
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09.14.17Powerlifter Pumps Up ApX with Encouragement
09.01.17Encouraging Emails: Eight is Enough
08.29.17Is There a Missing Churchigo EP?
08.28.17New Single Here at Last
08.26.1725th Anniversary Lapel Pins Now Available
08.26.17Anniversary Shirts Available at Last

Keith Haynie: The Nomar Garciaparra of Nomenclature
Sun., Sep. 24. 2006 3:51am EDT

In 1965, Shirley "Shirley Shirley Bo Birley" Ellis scored one of the year's biggest hit singles with a song called "The Name Game." In 1981, Kim "Bette Davis Eyes" Carnes had one of the year's biggest hit albums "Mistaken Identity." In 2006, the hits keep coming for our bass player, Keith "Insert Name Here" Haynie, whose life is a perpetual name game as a result of multiple mistaken identities.

This process is called "stanning," because it all started back in 1996 at a Waffle House in Georgia, when a waitress mistakenly called him "Stan." Since then, Keith has gone acquired 30 new first names. Here's the latest from our good friend and "Seamstress of the South," Wanda Rose Bush:

I was at the pre-school nursery yesterday sitting with Jacob & Eli, my pastor's kids (a/k/a the Barenaked Babies) while their mom went to the dentist. Keith called on my cell phone and they always love to talk on the phone. Eli (not quite 3) asked if it was Benny or Bobby (that's what they call Jerry --- that's another whole email...) and I told him it was Keith.

For some reason he called him "Kitty Cat."


Here is the documented progression and origin of the names in chronological order:

Stan (Waffle House in Georgia 1996)
Ted (Ohio 1997)
Gary (Bradford PA 1998)
Stu (Lock Haven PA 1999)
Curly (McDonald's in Ohio or Indiana 1999)
Kevin (on the job in Pennsylvania by a thankful customer 1999)
Baby (all-night diner in Reading PA 1999)
Kenny (Denny's in Albany NY 1999)
Rich (church in Donora PA 1999)
Speedo (church in Donora PA by a pastor 1999)
Lee (concert in Houston TX 2000)
Mr. Galparin (airplane on Texas trip 2000)
John Crawford (I can't remember where but it happened 2000)
Brian (concert in Kansas 2000)
Frank (I can't remember where, but it happened 2000)
Sean (concert in Austin TX 2001)
Mark (concert in Sept/Oct 2001 - can't remember where)
Omar (same concert in Sept/Oct 2001 - can't remember where)
Cliff (photographer who took publicity shots 2001)
Ryan (member of Poor Baker's Dozen called him that at a concert in Minnesota 2001)
Ed (some lady said this to Keith's wife, Krista, in October 3 2001)
Kent (Mickey Hall in Oklahoma July 2002, according to her husband, Tom)
Heath (lady at hotel desk in Lansdale PA - May 2003)
Pete (concert promoter in Lansdale PA - May 2003)
Brad (DJ Dave Purin at the WJLU in Daytona/Port Orange FL - September 2003)
Naynie (stage plot in Colorado Springs CO - August 2005)
Kelly (person at Bismarck ND concert - December 2005)
Jeff (lady at his church in a Christmas card - December 2005)
Ken (TSA guy at the Pittsburgh Airport - May 2006)
Craig (concert helper in La Quinta CA - May 2006)
Kitty Cat (child on the phone - September 2006)

And those are just the first names! His last name has been misinterpreted as Haynes, Hiney (a couple of times -- most recently over a loudspeaker at the Minnesota airport in July 2006), and Hayner, in a Grand Rapids newspaper article in June 2006.

Remember: We don't count it if somebody TRIES to give Keith a new name. The beauty of this list of names is that they were names used by people who unintentionally got Keith's name wrong. No cheating!